Let’s have a lunch and learn!
Effectuate
I’m going to effectuate this pole right up the ass of the next person to use that word.
I had a manager who at the end of every meeting (and I mean EVERY meeting) said “go team!” It was especially annoying since he wasn’t actually present in 99.9% of those meetings.
War room
You’re a Karen and you’re going to talk to Pete from accounting about what gift to buy for Sally’s birthday
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“We’re family”
“It doesn’t scale”, meaning the company might have to (shudder) hire people if our business doubles.
What’s our North Star?
This phrase is currently running riot at my work. Leadership have just created a new “North Star” so that they can Kingdom Build and leave their mark; years of progress on other projects are being thrown on a mini-bonfire of the vanities.
It’s just a bullshit saying for something they’ll never achieve.
I’ve even heard people say it’s never achievable but we should use that as our direction. I can’t stand corporate fucking bullshit.
- Holistic
- Double Click
- Table Stakes
- Jump Ball
- Blocking & Tackling
That they treat you like “family”
They do, the family just happens to be dysfunctional and abusive.
Touch base
One company I worked for decided it was a good idea to name a bunch of firings due to performance “Project Panda” 🤦
I mean that one is kinda funny. “Project Sloth” might have worked a bit better but been too on the nose.
Ping: emailing someone
Revert: emailing someone
[Topic] came up on diary: I’m emailing someone
Signs you work in a bullshit email job.
For me its more of a lack of understanding of a specific word’s definition. The word? "Systematically"
“There’s a problem systematically, so IT is gonna have to look at that.”
They literally mean there is a problem with a computer or software and not anything related to a systematic process.
This drives me right up the wall. Everyone in management says it like a buzzword.
Streamline
I mean, yeah, but actually streamlining things is something I like. I work on helicoptersn so example:
Aircraft is broken because of a faulty component. So the maintainer has to go and sign on to our grossly over-bloated computer (which can take anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes to start up), look up the relevant illustrated parts breakdown and download it (because they’ve moved everything to the cloud from our previous local servers) which runs through our exceptionally bottle-necked security system (seriously, usually ~50-100kbps download on a 100Mbps connection), find the part, log into a different system to get the national standard number and see what type it is to find what system to look in to see if we have it, look up the part location. Look up the maintenance procedure card (which is not classified) from the same place as the manual, download it at 100kbps, figure out the operational check for the replaced component is not in the card but in a separate maintenance manual, go back into that system and download that manual, find the ops check. Try to print out both the card and the ops check from whatever printer wants to work today. Fill out a requisition form, grab the part, and now you can start the job. Basically, add approximately an hour of work to any task for this nonsense.
Streamlined: Have a standalone computer that is not connected to the internet, is regularly updated via approved external hard drive with the latest Maintenance Procedure Cards and manuals, pre-filled requisition forms (with locations) for parts, lists of consumable components (like gaskets) for each repair, connected to a standalone printer hardwired to the standalone computer. Pull up card, manual, form, and ops check and print in 5 minutes.
Finding time wasters that only serve to frustrate workers and finding ways to cut those time wasters out makes the workers and the managers happy, assuming the people doing the job want to do the job well and quickly (we all want to be here, so that describes our hangar deck).
I’m a fan of streamlining.
Like many buzzwords it’s both a legitimate good idea and a concept a lot of people with no idea what’s going on get a bug up their asses about and use to mean “shake stuff up that had been working fine on a hunch”
“Opportunities” when talking about shitty metrics.
