JD Vance just existed

The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance’s presence.

Truth is, he wasn’t trying to. Vance wanted to show off his zombie Jesus costume, but it turned out to be a killer costume!

(I just wanted to throw something in that isn’t the same jokes everyone else is making)

Because Biden is catholic

Being anywhere in Trump’s orbit speeds up your trajectory towards death like Matt Damon in Saving Private Ryan. Donald Trump is, essentially, a biological version of “The Machine” from The Princess Bride pushed to 50.

Since the pope was only secondarily contaminated, the process was slower, but he was already so close to death as it is.

Clearly he visited India today to discuss a Hindu Nationalist takeover of America

JD didn’t do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.

I don’t think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.

He thought it was the seat of Catholic power and was driven to a frenzy.

Vance took off his human mask and showed the pope what a demon looks like.

As a vampire, he has to drink the blood of a pontif to remain a daywalker.

He should now sparkle in the sun for another…6-8 weeks before needing to feed again.

he threatened to release the video of him and cardinal wuerl spit roasting a luxury couch.

JD Vance had FOXDIE

So a conclave power struggle is set off behind the scenes to try to install Cardinal Burke so that they have one less institution to get in the way

It’s all that white on white, he kinda looked like a couch. He wasn’t trying to kill him, but the old man was frail and looked too much like a cushion.

Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you’re old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think “fuck it, I don’t need to put up with this shit anymore.”