I had a good opportunity to come out to one of my friends last night, but didn’t. “coming out” would probably have just been saying I wish I wasn’t a guy sometimes and maybe asking for they/them pronouns.
:cri: like actually how am I going to be able to do this, especially with family. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there.
Coming out for the first time is incredibly hard, it’s okay for it to take a few tries. You didn’t fail for not doing it when you weren’t able to find the courage to. It takes time to be able to come out, and even this experience can help you reach that sooner than you otherwise might. This sort of frustration can sometimes be the extra push you need, I know it was for me a few times.
And don’t worry so much about having the perfect time to do it, such times are usually too sudden to take advantage of if you aren’t ready. It’s better to just pick a time and build pressure on yourself to come out, at least for me.
I’m sure you’ll tell your friend when you’re ready to, and I hope that it makes you happy when you do. 💜
With one of my online friend groups it took me 8, I kept trying to push myself or having nearly perfect moments and I didn’t finally find it in myself until a year after I first tried. There’s no specific time you need to do it, you’ll be able to when you’re ready to.
And of course, anytime. You deserve to have happiness in your life.
the lack of sigh emojis is a crime I don’t know. Do you think that’d be the best way to go?
I am worried they won’t be accepting/understand trans issues and when I get nervous I over explain. Maybe by saying its because I don’t always like being a guy they’ll understand that.
Not sure I’d consider it good advice, but you could just slightly modify your presentation in ways that clearly break norms for guys and make subtle (or not subtle) hints that your mom seems to somehow be oblivious to despite your stepmom seeming to pick up on it despite hearing a lot less direct “hints.” Probably easier to just come out, but maybe you could turn it into a game of how direct you can be without one of them seeming to have any clue if they’re as oblivious as my mom.
I think it would be a start, can keep it as vague as you want also if you don’t feel like gutting yourself to your friends (though I think they’d understand y’know) But at least it’ll be a first big step in the right direction
At least with my mom, I feel like coming out as a trans woman would be easier than using they/them pronouns. She doesn’t respect other people’s pronouns regardless and generally doesn’t believe in gender, but she particularly refuses to use they/them because it “Goes AgAinst tHe ruLes of enGLish” even though she unironically writes like that.
Sadly it’s common for there to be pushback on neo pronouns. I had trouble teaching some libs about the xenogenders and a load of other neo pronouns it felt like I was speaking gibberish to them. That server was a trip, last time I ever mingle with libs
I had a good opportunity to come out to one of my friends last night, but didn’t. “coming out” would probably have just been saying I wish I wasn’t a guy sometimes and maybe asking for they/them pronouns.
:cri: like actually how am I going to be able to do this, especially with family. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there.
Coming out for the first time is incredibly hard, it’s okay for it to take a few tries. You didn’t fail for not doing it when you weren’t able to find the courage to. It takes time to be able to come out, and even this experience can help you reach that sooner than you otherwise might. This sort of frustration can sometimes be the extra push you need, I know it was for me a few times.
And don’t worry so much about having the perfect time to do it, such times are usually too sudden to take advantage of if you aren’t ready. It’s better to just pick a time and build pressure on yourself to come out, at least for me.
I’m sure you’ll tell your friend when you’re ready to, and I hope that it makes you happy when you do. 💜
I’m already at two
so I have to get it right next time. (/joking)
But thank you, I appreciate it. This made me feel better, I hope so too.
With one of my online friend groups it took me 8, I kept trying to push myself or having nearly perfect moments and I didn’t finally find it in myself until a year after I first tried. There’s no specific time you need to do it, you’ll be able to when you’re ready to.
And of course, anytime. You deserve to have happiness in your life.
Why don’t you just start by asking for they/them pronouns? /gen
the lack of sigh emojis is a crimeI don’t know. Do you think that’d be the best way to go?I am worried they won’t be accepting/understand trans issues and when I get nervous I over explain. Maybe by saying its because I don’t always like being a guy they’ll understand that.
Not sure I’d consider it good advice, but you could just slightly modify your presentation in ways that clearly break norms for guys and make subtle (or not subtle) hints that your mom seems to somehow be oblivious to despite your stepmom seeming to pick up on it despite hearing a lot less direct “hints.” Probably easier to just come out, but maybe you could turn it into a game of how direct you can be without one of them seeming to have any clue if they’re as oblivious as my mom.
They’re more of an online friend, but that’s very funny.
I think it would be a start, can keep it as vague as you want also if you don’t feel like gutting yourself to your friends (though I think they’d understand y’know) But at least it’ll be a first big step in the right direction
At least with my mom, I feel like coming out as a trans woman would be easier than using they/them pronouns. She doesn’t respect other people’s pronouns regardless and generally doesn’t believe in gender, but she particularly refuses to use they/them because it “Goes AgAinst tHe ruLes of enGLish” even though she unironically writes like that.
Sadly it’s common for there to be pushback on neo pronouns. I had trouble teaching some libs about the xenogenders and a load of other neo pronouns it felt like I was speaking gibberish to them. That server was a trip, last time I ever mingle with libs
thats a mood. dw about it too much if you don’t want to.
thats just my thoughts, i just wanna protect all you freshly hatched eggs and cuddle yall
I want to be protected and cuddled so that works out well :cuddle: