I don’t think I have borderline personality disorder but this relationship spiraling is definitely a similar pattern. Might be a similar belief of feeling defective in some way and self sabotaging relationships to maintain that believe.

Oh damn, same. What should I search to read more about this? Mentioned to my therapist that this is a pattern of mine but it was tangential to some other stuff so we didn’t end up processing it specifically. Is BPD referring to bipolar or borderline personality disorder?

You could write letters to yourself with themes: letter for past self, for when you’re feeling down, for when you’re celebrating something in the future, for when you’re feeling aimless, for your next birthday, etc. might have some similar introspective epiphanies like a mushroom trip would!

Who reported on this? The J is uppercase as well…

What if the answers are yes to these?

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And “I Want to Break Free”, my all time favorite. Close second, “Don’t Stop Me Now”. Oh and “Another One Bites the Dust” for the vibes.

What specs should I be looking for to vet the quality?

Soursweet - kind and wholesome YouTuber with a soothing voice. Surprising combo of entertaining and cozy vibes watching his edited sessions of playing DayZ, a PvP zombie survival shooter.

ProcessX - Japanese YouTube channel that’s shows manufacturing and crafting processes. No talking but English subtitles are available. Lots of satisfying manufacturing noises with soft classical music in the background.

Try to keep your resume to 1 page. Write a cover letter if you have experiences that didn’t have a place on your resume but are relevant to the job you’re applying for. There are templates online for cover letters and resumes that you can borrow from. Don’t go too fancy with the resume styling. Just a clean, readable layout.

A psychology thing I use to put the reader in my shoes and make me seem capable (because I am them as they read) is that I describe in detail my responsibilities with action words ending in “ing”. Example, if I was a waiter in the past and applying for another customer facing role, I could write “- served food and drinks. Stocked consumables.”, or I could highlight my empathy and social awareness and time management:

• promptly greeting customers as soon as they walk in
• creating an environment where they can enjoy their meal and company
• adjusting my service based on their individual needs
• timing tasks to keep on top of restocking and cleaning while prioritizing customers

It feels weird to write “ing” verbs at first but it makes a difference. Good luck, keep practicing, it takes ages but try to tweak your resume for each individual job you apply for. Dont be afraid to follow up with the ones you really want - calling is unheard of these days but if you phone and sound friendly, ask to speak to the hiring manager, mention you’re keen on this position and would love the chance to interview for it, that will probably put you at the top of the pile. They don’t want to waste their own time interviewing people that are only half interested in the job.

If you get an interview, obv being confident is great but if that’s not you, it’s ok to be nervous. They know you will be. Just focus on giving coherent answers. Practice the STAR method to answer their questions. Explain the Situation, Task, Action, Result. Keep it relatively short and to the point. Example: tell us about a time where you handled friction at work.

Situation - I was working on a project that required external collaboration. Task - I needed a colleague to give a timeline on a task of theirs but they were hesitant to commit to a date since this was not a typical priority for them. Action - I empathized that this was an extra workload to them and asked questions to understand what their biggest roadblock was. I then offered a few options that had different approaches but still achieved both our goals. Result - We came to an agreement on priorities, clarified requirements, and both delivered our projects on time. This person also ended up being a valuable contact and we often consulted each other in future tasks.

Try to think of at least one question to ask them at the end, such as “what do new employees typically find surprising after they start?”. Do a bit of research on the company, even if just for small talk as you’re walking to the meeting room. It’s not a good look if you have no idea what the company does.

Crackpot idea - if you’re both already paying for therapy individually and had limited success with couples therapy (assuming the couples therapist was not one of your therapists), maybe your therapists be open to having a session with the four of you?

You already have rapport with them and they know your individual histories so could save a lot of time setting the stage that way. Would be interesting seeing what the therapists would say to each other. Or if meeting isn’t possible, maybe could ask your therapists if they’d contact each other to help gain insight?

Sorry you’re going through this. She sounds like she’s being callous.

If you do decide there’s a shred of hope and desire to saving this relationship and all you can change is yourself, then I can offer what has helped my partner and I. Building a habit of affection without the expectation of sex. As in, not lingering too long waiting for the other to “signal the go ahead” for sex. Just a quick but meaningful hug or kiss when nearby, then going back to minding our own business. Also keeping on top of the chores and decisions. Partial contributor to our dead bedroom was because there is nothing more unsexy than thinking of all the things that still need doing. If there’s been a dynamic that she feels like she’s had to run the household (making sure chores are done, meal planning, groceries are bought and put away, social things organized, birthdays are remembered, etc) then she might feel like your mother. And obviously women are biologically wired not to be attracted to their children.

Because women entered the workforce and can be both providers and caregivers, but in general men don’t want to embrace an identity as caregiver so point the blame at women and/or the world.

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Think of it like a ratio. It devalues the savings of every day people more significantly than it devalues the massive piles rich people have. Rich people have this insane buffer and always have the means to play the rigged system to their favour and win.