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CDRMITTENS@sh.itjust.works to NonCredibleDefense@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 1 year ago

I will go first, a stealth tank

sh.itjust.works

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I will go first, a stealth tank

sh.itjust.works

CDRMITTENS@sh.itjust.works to NonCredibleDefense@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 1 year ago
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r*ddit

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  • CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social
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    Its only stealthy at night (they just painted it black)

    • Yeather@lemmy.ca
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      They forgot to take the LED lights off.

      • uis@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        It’s to be stealthy during day

  • InfiniteFlow@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    A rifle scope that can see through walls.

    • BombOmOm@lemmy.world
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      It does this by ‘inverting’ what can be seen through.

      It can’t see through air.

      • F04118F@feddit.nl
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        1 year ago

        You win

    • F04118F@feddit.nl
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      1 year ago

      It has a negative magnification: it’s a fisheye lens.

      • kwomp2@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        My personal winner

      • uis@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Fisheye lens is fractional magnification, negative magnification is mirror

        • F04118F@feddit.nl
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          1 year ago

          Thanks for the correction!

    • Kacarott@feddit.de
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      1 year ago

      You can see through more than walls, you can see through everything! …so all you can see is the empty void

    • ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      It only works if it’s pointed toward Chernobyl

    • Chadus_Maximus@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Granted. The scope can see though a wall after you penetrate it with bullets (the wall, not the scope).

    • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Rifle can’t shoot through walls.

  • Krafty Kactus@sopuli.xyz
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    1 year ago

    A weapon system that spreads peace, love, and freedom indiscriminately.

    • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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      1 year ago

      Indiscriminately across all of space and time… which is mostly empty.

      • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        So when it averages out, it’s actually less effective than cat videos.

      • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        Something something Romans and fields

    • mindbleach@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Reavers.

      • Birch@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        No power in the verse can stop me

  • humorlessrepost@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    An army of hive-mind cats.

    • skulblaka@startrek.website
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      1 year ago

      The plan works perfectly. You are not in charge of the hive mind.

    • GluWu@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Tear gas has been converted to cat nip gas.

    • cordlesslamp
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      1 year ago

      They’re all still behave like a normal cat.

    • SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works
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      I just want to express my desire for an army of attack cats trained to shred anything painted by a laser, designator, pointer or otherwise

      • nuke@sh.itjust.worksM
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        1 year ago

        Be the change you wish to see in the world

      • Sizzler@slrpnk.net
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        1 year ago

        Good news, I have a prototype.

    • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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      1 year ago

      It’s nap time… it’s always nap time.

    • uis@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Is it somehow different from regualr cats?

  • BombOmOm@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    An APC that only needs the power of the sun to run; no fuels.

    • MelastSB@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      It needs the power of the whole Sun

    • ido@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      The battery for the solar panels is so big, there’s only space for a driver and one passenger

      • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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        1 year ago

        Armored Person Carrier

        • hydroptic@sopuli.xyz
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          1 year ago

          • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferret_armoured_car

    • Kobester1985@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It can only move 1 inch per hour.

    • mastod0n@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It needs an actual sun inside.

    • Mirshe@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Granted. It’s a wagon train.

    • mindbleach@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Solar panels are not armored.

  • Yeather@lemmy.ca
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    It’s a plug in hybrid and silent like a Prius under 5mph.

    • Alk@lemmy.world
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      It uses a standard US household wall plug (hard wired to the vehicle), and is extremely loud above 5mph.

      • uis@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        US household wall plug

        Now this is evil

      • CaptKoala@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        It takes 23hrs to get 1hr drive time

    • redcalcium@lemmy.institute
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      1 year ago

      Max reverse speed is also capped at 5mph.

      • CaptKoala@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        Max rollback before automatic brake application of 5mm

  • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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    1 year ago

    A sword that appears in your hand whenever you need it, and then disappears again when you don’t.

    • EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works
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      In appears IN your hand, ripping your muscles and tearing your skin

      Your hand ends up looking like you played with super glue and fireworks

      Also, you can only summon it twice before you run out of hands

      • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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        Heh, also you don’t “summon” it… it appears whenever you need it.

        • Honytawk@lemmy.zip
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          *whenever it thinks you need it.

          Like when you want to spread mayonnaise making a sandwich and can’t find a knife.

    • humorlessrepost@lemmy.world
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      It appears while being held by the blade.

      • DampCanary@lemmy.world
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        Weren’t origianl knight longswords held by blade?

        wiki longsword

        If it’s not factual blame Bones heard it from them.

        • ryannathans@aussie.zone
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          “Half swording” I think is the term you are looking for

          • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works
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            Also there’s oberhau, where you grab the blade with both hands and beat your opponent to death with the crossguard like a giant hammer

            • ryannathans@aussie.zone
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              That sounds metal as fuck. And highly retarded

              • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works
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                1 year ago

                If it’s stupid and it works, it’s still stupid

              • Lesrid@lemm.ee
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                1 year ago

                Just make sure to wear gloves

          • DampCanary@lemmy.world
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            really, thanks noce trivia to know

            I only remember Bones wielding it, I think they go in more details there.

  • ampedwolfman@lemmy.world
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    A gauntlet that lets you control metal like magneto.

    • SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      You can’t uncontrol it

      • offthecrossbar@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Haha holy shit I love this one so much

      • CaptKoala@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        Anti-ejecto seato cuz, ride or die!

    • Honytawk@lemmy.zip
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      The gauntlet is also metal, and gets attracted to your hand squeezing it until it breaks your bones every time you use it.

  • kusivittula@sopuli.xyz
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    it’s AI controlled

    • Cassa@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      That’s a downside - imagine an AI that can’t draw trying to differenciate between a friend of foe. it just shoots everyone and their cat

    • ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works
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      Tay is back, bitches, and she has a a heavy autoloading cannon

    • Yeather@lemmy.ca
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      The AI watched The Iron Giant and loved it.

  • Ludrol@szmer.info
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    A button that makes the backdoor in enemy C&C softwere.

    • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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      The backdoor gives you access to the enemy’s copy of C&C: Red Alert.

    • macrocarpa@lemmy.world
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      …turns out the latest upgrade to your c and c software was stolen from the enemy by cyber squad, and most of your assets on the southern front are now controlled by five primary school cs:go players in Fulham.

    • Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works
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      It’s spotted within 5 minutes by some nerd who noticed that the program took an extra ten seconds to load and immediately wanted to know why.

      • uis@lemm.ee
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        It was chinese backdoor. Russian backdoor will make it load in 10 seconds less.

      • hydroptic@sopuli.xyz
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        10s? Pfft, amateur; the xz backdoor caused a ~500ms delay in SSH logins and somebody went “hmm that’s weird”

    • SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works
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      The backdoor is locked

  • nuke@sh.itjust.worksM
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    1 year ago

    Dima, Ivan, I need weapon from you that only hurts bad guys!

    • MashedTech@lemmy.world
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      The device fails because moral relativism (as discussed by philosophers like Gilbert Harman) and the complexity of ethical theories (such as utilitarianism by John Stuart Mill and deontology by Immanuel Kant) make it impossible for a machine to accurately judge “bad” actions or intentions, given the deep subjectivity and cultural variance in ethics.

    • Cyrus Draegur@lemm.ee
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      it only hurts them, cannot actually incapacitate or kill them. you have a torture device. task failed successfully?

    • RecallMadness@lemmy.nz
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      Weapon guidance system never miss comrade. System trained with Ivan 100,000 times.

    • hydroptic@sopuli.xyz
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      The weapon only kills Russians

  • Skye@lemmy.world
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    A gun that switched everyone’s gender but not their sex.

    • redfellow@sopuli.xyz
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      It always fires twice in rapid succession

    • KeenFlame@feddit.nuBanned from community
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      Removed by mod

    • macrocarpa@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      …it also affected the Fatherland.

    • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      Somehow, it works the opposite way changing sex but not gender identity

      • Skye@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

  • Voroxpete@sh.itjust.works
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    Too stealthy. Crews can’t find it.

    • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Its sitting in the exact same spot as the Doomturtle, theyll find it eventually.

  • Neato@ttrpg.network
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    It can pierce through any armor.

    • ampedwolfman@lemmy.world
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      But only if no one is wearing it.

    • Longpork3@lemmy.nz
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      But only the armor. Bullet passes through helmet, stops when it hits skull.

    • CaptKoala@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      The ejection of the carriage kills the gunner, every reload.

    • uis@lemm.ee
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      Use machinegun to cut holes in tanks and throw grenades in them

  • nxdefiant@startrek.website
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    Robotic Christopher Walken.

    • SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works
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      Can’t walk

      • Texas_Hangover@lemm.ee
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        Christopher Rollin.

        • Manzas@lemdro.id
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          The wheels oxidize when any dirt particle contacts it absolutely destroys it

    • Socsa@sh.itjust.works
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      He just wants to be… …human

    • mindbleach@sh.itjust.works
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      … oh, did you want him gigantic, or armored, or something?

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