Yeah, it’s kind-of the onion in that it’s a satirical bill, presented to the House.

Wikipedia Page

My favorite part is that if you actually read this story it’s not even about masturbation, it’s about how shitty it is to try and rules-lawyer your way out of doing the right thing.

Onan’s brother died and left a childless widow. In Jewish culture at that time, as a widow, she would’ve needed a son to collect the inheritance / be taken care of, etc. The workaround (in lieu of not being misogynists given that these were ye olden times) was that your brother in law would knock you up and that kid would legally count as your dead husband’s for the purposes of inheritance.

But Onan thinks he’s reeeaaaal clever and figures if she just magically can’t get pregnant, he could just keep all that land, tents, horses, and whatever else. So he just keeps pulling out, she never gets pregnant and figures he’s home free and puts his brother’s widow out on the street to become a prostitute. There’s some specific symbolic way that he gets his divine comeuppance for all this but I can never remember that part.

This was just the example my childhood pastor used to like using when he explained the problems with just letting someone else tell you what the Bible means instead of reading it for yourself. The man was very educated and gave a lot of sermons on the historical cultural context of a lot of the texts. In fact I’m pretty sure all of my childhood pastors had Master’s degrees.

This is also the same guy that founded the interfaith community in my city to promote cultural exchange and coordinated charity efforts. Basically Fred Rogers’ spiritual twin was my childhood pastor; if they weren’t alive at the same time it would have me believing in reincarnation (they even looked similar and were even both Presbyterian).

The man had a congregation in the hundreds and he knew the name of every person in every family, what their jobs were, what their kids were studying in college, and if they had any sick relatives, and would stand by the gate at the end of every service shaking every single persons hand and chatting about that stuff for a minute or two each. When my brother died he was on our doorstep within an hour of the cops notifying us. Regardless of how my personal spiritual beliefs have waxed or waned at various points it took me a looong time to understand how someone in that position could hurt people through either malice or incompetence.

discharge genetic material

Could you not argue that a woman is doing this every time she has her period?

BTW, masturbation is called Onanieren in German… a bit imprecise, biblically.

keep in mind, that Onan, levirate marriages weren’t about love or anything like that.

Like most (all?) cultures at the time, women were property, and couldn’t own property.

Technically, Er’s firstborn son would have inherited everything and then “taken care of” everyone else. Or rather, Tamar, would, on the son’s behalf. but Er got smote by god for being a particular kind of dick before he had a first born son.

So in typical religious fruitcake fashion, instead of fixing the original problem- that Tamar had no way of inheriting anything or supporting her self- they decided the obvious solution was for the brother-in-law to get the widow pregnant.

of course Tamar was the same age as the third brother; who needed to grow up a bit before she could marry him… (ew, right?) so instead she gets sent back to her own family and- eventually- becomes a camp follower of Judah’s… and, ah. yeah.

I mean, these were people barely out of the caves trying to populate a nation. Mainstream religion has always been political propaganda, and kind of intentionally missing the point.

…Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood

Everything is cool.when you’re part of a team
Everything is awesome!

Please don’t give them any ideas

If you wipe it off, that’s an abortion. Straight to hell!

Well hang on – we don’t know of that couch got pregnant or not!

contraceptive method intended to prevent fertilization of an embryo.

Have we forgotten the pullout method? Blowjobs, handjobs, etc also seem to be methods intended to prevent fertilization. Even masterbation is a fine way to prevent fertilization.

I’m also a bit confused here. My 6th grade biology taught me that you have eggs and sperm and that when they combine, you get an embryo. You don’t fertilize an embryo, you fertilize an egg.

Like most of these laws, it seems this one was written by idiots or written specifically to not be enforceable.

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It is.

Baptists believe if you can’t conceive easily, it’s because God damns you as a sinner.

Becauae it’s so easy for them to knock up their cousin by accident, there must be some reason you’re not doing it right.

Might be a stupid European question, but aren’t anti choicers against that stuff already? The ones Ive met tend to be.

I think that’s “inception”.

Onion eating? It’s a link to legislation.

My guy we’re literally on a Not The Onion community. Though it does look like a troll bill.