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seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 8 months ago

‘The Onion’ Officially Endorses Joe Biden For President

theonion.com

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  • cross-posted to:
  • chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
  • news@hexbear.net
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‘The Onion’ Officially Endorses Joe Biden For President

theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 8 months ago
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93
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  • cross-posted to:
  • chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
  • news@hexbear.net
Throughout its venerable 268-year reign, The Onion has always made it a top priority to endorse the correct presidential candidates. From George Washington to Richard Nixon to Donald Trump, this institution’s highly respected editorial board has had its finger on the pulse, and has accurately backed the winner of every single national election in this country’s long […]
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  • JoYo@lemmy.ml
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    8 months ago

    The Onion and its six-member editorial board do not listen to outsiders. Nor do we listen to data, facts, polls, the U.S. government, or the widely panned Geneva Conventions.

  • Moops@fedia.io
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    deleted by creator

    • UFO64@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Suckers bet, I’m not taking it.

    • Late2TheParty@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      How will you be able to tell? His speeches are so incoherent! Hahqhahqha

      • BigFatNips@sh.itjust.works
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        8 months ago

        Hahq tuah

    • m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      8 months ago

      I want people to send this to him now!

  • TheImpressiveX@lemmy.ml
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    8 months ago

    Joe Biden may be young by Washington standards

    They really aren’t pulling their punches!

    • elucubra@sopuli.xyz
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      8 months ago

      The whole thing is brilliant. The Onion has been on fire lately.

      • takeda@lemm.ee
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        5 months ago

        The ownership changed in April this year and apparently staff was given more freedom what they can write.

  • lobut@lemmy.ca
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    8 months ago

    But The Onion and its six-member editorial board do not listen to outsiders. Nor do we listen to data, facts, polls, the U.S. government, or the widely panned Geneva Conventions.

    I love it.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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      8 months ago

      Finally someone said it. I’m tired of the country of Geneva enforcing its conventions on me and how I approach wars.

      • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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        8 months ago

        Stop telling me what color shapes I can and cannot use, Geneva!

      • DokPsy@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        Calm down Canada.

      • CptEnder@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        /c/NCD leaking

  • hopesdead@startrek.website
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    8 months ago

    I guess none of you noticed the editorial board has a signature from Ted Kaczynski, aka Unabomber.

    • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]
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      8 months ago

      Its a reoccurring gag.

      • hopesdead@startrek.website
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        8 months ago

        I have never actually read The Onion, I just like seeing their headlines.

        • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]
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          8 months ago

          There’s some fun articles. Although I think they frequently drag on a little too long for a gag given my preference for not reading more than a few paragraphs at a time.

        • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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          8 months ago

          I need to wake up. I went to sleep drunk, I woke up feeling still drunk.

          I read your username as “DopeSalad”

          Thats not even CLOSE!

          • hopesdead@startrek.website
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            8 months ago

            Don’t worry. It’s nothing serious anyways. There is a band named Hopesfall. I thought it was dumb so I came up with that.

        • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
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          8 months ago

          They’re now in newspaper format again, if that helps!

        • spauldo@lemmynsfw.com
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          8 months ago

          Search for their article on “Habitrail for Humanity” - it’s my favorite.

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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        8 months ago

        Sure. Just a joke.

    • nohaybanda [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      a-guy vote

      • HappyTimeHarry@lemm.ee
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        8 months ago

        ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

    • affiliate@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      pretty incredible that they managed to get his signature even though he’s dead

      • nexguy@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        That’s only of you listen to data. Stop listening to data.

      • takeda@lemm.ee
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        5 months ago

        Well don’t underestimate the reach of Global Tetrahedron.

        Cover from January 2001: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion#/media/File:The_Onion,_January_18-24,_2001.jpg

  • expatriado@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    upset at myself for taking a whole 10 seconds to get the joke

    • 0ops@lemm.ee
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      8 months ago

      It took me like 15 😭

  • BigMacHole@lemm.ee
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    8 months ago

    I’m a Republican who Does Her Own Research and I TOLD you Libtards that Biden was still in the Race! The whole Kamala thing was a SHAM! HOW can they Endorse Biden if he isn’t running STUPIDS!

  • Sasuke [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    8 months ago

    I’m glad Americans are finally waking up. Biden may not be perfect, but he is the only candidate who can beat Trump. I’ll be doing my part by voting for him as many times as possible this November!

  • Wahots@pawb.social
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    8 months ago

    Lest readers doubt the value of our endorsement, we ask them to remember 2016, when voter complacency almost put Hillary Clinton in the White House before The Onion stepped in.

    We really dodged a bullet on that one! (/j)

    • frezik@midwest.social
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      8 months ago

      The Onion wanted to play on hard mode. How do you write satire when that shit head was in the White House?

  • Utter_Karate [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    I’m not even American but I’ve already voted for Joe Biden several times. Just wrote the name down on pieces of paper and mailed them off. Adressed them to Joe Biden too, so that shit counts double. Put some extra stamps on them, and that’s exponential growth in the number of times I voted for him. I’m practically a swing state of my own, the way I’m swinging my massive votes around.

    • sweatersocialist@hexbear.net
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      deleted by creator

    • CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      8 months ago

      I’m very afraid some maga is going to read this comment and take it seriously.

  • thelastaxolotl [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    Im writting in Joe Biden this november biden-leftist

    • nohaybanda [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      Did you forget to ask someone? hillary-assassin

      • BobDole [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        8 months ago

    • anarchoilluminati [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      But a vote for Joe Biden is a vote for Trump!

    • Gosplan14_the_Third [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      Based, thank you for your vote

  • tacosanonymous@lemm.ee
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    I think Internet Explorer is in for him too.

    • Utter_Karate [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      I’m voting Netscape Navigator. Lesser evil.

      • Rhaedas@fedia.io
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        8 months ago

        Netscape was never lesser or evil.

    • Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      Naw, they’re rooting for Eisenhower.

    • InverseParallax@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      He’s all the buzz on AIM right now.

  • Dadifer@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    Ted Kazinski?

    • InverseParallax@lemmy.world
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      8 months ago

      You might know him for his academic papers.

      • atocci@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        Among other works

      • motor_spirit@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        you joke but this is how he’s brightly discussed in some circles lol I have seen some concerning publications that refer to him as uncle Ted and other light-hearted names in a similar context

        • XeroxCool@lemmy.world
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          Seems like it’s up there with the killdozer Fandom. Casual terrorism… Or living the American dream?

          • desktop_user [they/them] @lemmy.blahaj.zoneBanned
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            8 months ago

            terrorism is the American dream, why else would we worship 9/11 and sadam husane?

      • DamienGramatacus@lemmy.world
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        8 months ago

        And his cake having tendancies

    • kboy101222@sh.itjust.works
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      Yeah, the mathematician. What about him?

      !it’s a running gag for the onion!<

      • brbposting@sh.itjust.works
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        8 months ago
        Tap for spoiler

        Hmm

        I used:

        ::: spoiler Tap for spoiler
        hidden content
        :::
        
        • kboy101222@sh.itjust.works
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          That’s what I used and it works on my app

          Whatever you’re using seems to take the > as a comment immediately

          • brbposting@sh.itjust.works
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            8 months ago

            I’m using Voyager iOS, but checked this out from a browser.

            Looks like this method:

            >! spoiler !<
            

            doesn’t work on our (yours & my) instance, nor Midwest Social:

            Interesting that Join-Lemmy.org advocates for the format I previously showed in a code block:

            yet your client supports the “greater than exclamation point” method. It makes me wonder whether your client should support it.

            (Lots of folks like that method though per Lemmy GitHub!)

            Which client you using? I’ll share this comment with them.

            • GreenAppleTree@lemmy.world
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              That was the Reddit spoiler tag, so I’m guessing they’re using one of the ex-reddit clients that pivoted to Lemmy during the great migration.

              Either Sync, Boost, Eternity, or… the other one I couldn’t remember the name of.

    • sunzu2@thebrainbin.orgBanned from community
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      Removed by mod

  • Alsephina@lemmy.ml
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    Hell yeah I’m writing him in

  • WrenFeather@lemmy.world
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    This is a great joke! It took me a second even after I saw the source. Well done!

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