Sofia “Buff Girlfriend” @sofiabuffgf

Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it’s transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.

  • Mango@lemmy.worldEnglish
    426·
    6 months ago

    Using a bidet is like a bird pooped on you and you just splashed that shit all over the place and got everything wet.

    • odelikEnglish
      16·
      6 months ago

      Steps for using a bidet:

      1. After pooping, remain seated on toilet seat with bidet
      2. Turn on bidet to desired pressure.
      3. Wiggle your butt around letting the water jet spray you down.
      4. Turn off bidet.
      5. Grab a few squares of TP and fold them over.
      6. Wipe water off and inspect for cleanliness.
      7. Repeat steps above if TP wasn’t clean.

      Congrats, you’re now a pro, an clean, pooper.

      • Mango@lemmy.worldEnglish
        220·
        6 months ago

        So poopy water goes everywhere and soggy TP goes all over my butt. You call that clean. Enjoy the splashed about bits of everyone else’s poop around the thinnest and least protected membranes in your body. I’m not wasting any more break time replying to you.

        • TwistyLex@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
          91·
          6 months ago

          I’m sitting here wondering… Do you think a bidet uses the water currently in the bowl? Or that it sprays through that water? Because it doesn’t.

        • slickgoat@lemmy.worldEnglish
          51·
          6 months ago

          Once again, it looks like you have never used a bidet yet somehow have the confidence to get everything wrong.

          Or, you have tried to use a bidet and did some kind of three stooges bit in the process.

          Clearly bidets are not for you, Sir.

            • Patapon Enjoyer@lemmy.worldEnglish
              41·
              6 months ago

              You take a shower every time you take a shit or do you just shit, take your clothes off, head to the shower and spread your cheeks for a minute?

        • jol@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
          41·
          6 months ago

          Please take the words of experience of this thread: your perspective is incorrect. It’s OK to change your mind. Bidets don’t plash shit everywhere and your but can be as clean as it could be without using soap.

      • Mango@lemmy.worldEnglish
        113·
        6 months ago

        Did YOURS? Where I’m from, if you’re playing in the water but the dishes still have food on them, you’re in trouble.