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Just trying to keep some hope alive that we can emerge from this dark period; also dealing with a high level of dissatisfaction with my life in recent years, and wishing I had made different decisions many years ago; I can’t help but wonder if I missed an opportunity to be in a better situation. Been heavy on the nostalgia lately.
I’m just a few days away from homelessness.
The past few years have been absolutely brutal, and only got significantly worse in recent months. I’m not even talking about the current political climate and all that.
Back in April, I had to have my dog, best friend, and foundation to my mental wellbeing put down as I helplessly watched his epilepsy get worse. His seizures got exponentially worse over the years and getting him a proper treatment to alleviate his symptoms, or even a simple diagnosis, has been an absolute nightmare. His seizures got so bad and so frequent that he ended up getting hurt. I could see the bone stick out of his elbow from the constant friction on the ground. I couldn’t even keep him safe, and in the end I had to make the call to just have him put down because I’d given up after countless attempts to try and get him the care he needed.
The most support I’ve gotten through that entire process were shallow “sorry to hear, I’m doing great on my end”s.
He was the best dog I’d ever met, so full of love and joy despite his circumstances, he meant everything to me, he was all I had.
And now he’s gone. He deserved so much better, he was barely 7.
I’ve been unable to get a job since. My last “job” was driving for Uber because it was the only way I could manage to make any amount of money to keep a roof over our heads while still being able to stay home to try to take care of him when his seizures would flare up. I haven’t driven since his last batch of seizures, not that it’d matter because I wasn’t making enough to stay afloat anyway. Losing most of the money i made over taxes and vehicle maintenance.
I’ve applied, applied, applied, sought help, applied some more, and I either never hear back or get automatically rejected nearly instantly.
This week, I thought things were finally starting to look up when I got an interview for a retail job and it seemed to have gone well, the way the manager was talking made it seem like they were going to hire me, told me to look forward to a call from them within the next couple of days and get going with the onboarding process. The next morning I woke up to an automated email saying my application had been rejected.
I can’t even get a dead-end, minimum wage retail or fast food job.
I’ve been paying rent for the past few months with a credit card, and as of right now, I’m all out of money, I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent next month.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m going to try to talk to my landlord about the situation, but I’m not too hopeful. Maybe at best they’ll “let me” break out of my lease without charging me a termination fee. I don’t know.
I’ve kinda just checked out, trying to keep my mind distracted as much as I can before everything eventually catches up to me. I feel so fucking worthless and pathetic.
I’m sorry, it’s probably a lot heavier than what this thread was intended for, it just saw it as I was doomscrolling to keep myself distracted and kinda just threw myself in…
That’s…rough. But you chose the correct place, and thank you a lot for sharing what’s on your mind.
I’m sorry to know you experienced such a giant loss, and there’s likely nothing I can say or do to make it go away. Having to navigate struggles of life through this might seem extremely harsh, too. But sometimes, going through extreme experiences helps us concentrate. So, may we walk through this together?
What we have:
- No money left, risk of eviction
- No constant employment
- Uber work not bringing in enough
- A feeling of grief on top of it
Now, what can be done?
- First off, you’re correct in addressing your landlord - good call!
- Next, do you have anyone on the side of friends and family who can help you? There may be reasons you can’t or don’t want to, but this is the time you should probably explore even less convenient options. This not only includes financial help, but also some of the quick mental support that would allow you to move further.
- After that, consider what Uber still does bring you, minus maintenance and taxes. Maybe you can scrape something off there?
- And then, keep looking. Maybe add more options for job search? How do you do this now? There are online offers, but you can also directly come and talk to the store manager about the job options, you can ask friends and family, as maybe they can find come good contacts on their own workplaces, etc.
At some point, I were where you are, and I’m still not always on a stable footing, so I know how much of a mental toll it is, and can only imagine what happens when such a loss comes on top of it. But where you are right now, you have to get into the cold state of mind to survive. I call it “Berserker mode” - there is a goal, we go there, the rest comes second and will be addressed later.
Hope any of this will be helpful, and I would love to hear updates from you going forward.
I’m… Jesus, that’s really heavy. I’m so sorry about everything, from your dog, your job, your rent… I can’t help at all, since i am just a stranger on the internet. But i genuinely hope you’ll be okay. Please try to keep us updated on these threads.
And don’t worry about it, you’re welcome here; nothing is too heavy. I’m sorry i can’t help much here, i’m not great with consoling others; but my hope was genuine, for what it’s worth.
Just bad. Low grade fever, gf is driving me crazy, need to deal with problems which are not mine and I don’t want them to be mine
I’m sorry :/ Hope you recover swiftly, and you get your problems sorted out. If you don’t mind sharing, how is your girlfriend making you mad? If that’s alright with you.
Nothing that’s not legit: asking about my vision of the future. We need to have this talk, it’s just incredibly exhausting among other things.
Currently trying not to get overwhelmed in this family function. So many people and noise.
I get that, i can’t handle those well either. I wish you the strength to get through it 🫡
