I went to the hardware store to get a couple of tools for a project and rang up some paint, tape and furniture rollers.

Everything went smoothly. I chatted a bit with the cashier while waiting for the paint to mix and exchanged some job talk, as we’ve both worked in the trades.

Pretty normal so far. I pay for my stuff, and put the roller in my side pocket and give it a pat, out of habit.

The painting tape goes in my other pocket, and I give it a pat, and I grab the paint.

He hands me the receipt, and having no space left, I shove it into my back pocket while turning to walk out.

My hand goes a bit too fast, and I accidentally slap my booty so loud it reverberates throughout the store.

My cheeks are still jiggling as I look back and lock eyes with the cashier. He saw it. He heard it. I just loudly spanked my own ass in front of this dude and he’s staring back with a look of profound confusion.

I skedaddle the fuck out of there, cheeks red. I can never return.