I went to the hardware store to get a couple of tools for a project and rang up some paint, tape and furniture rollers.
Everything went smoothly. I chatted a bit with the cashier while waiting for the paint to mix and exchanged some job talk, as we’ve both worked in the trades.
Pretty normal so far. I pay for my stuff, and put the roller in my side pocket and give it a pat, out of habit.
The painting tape goes in my other pocket, and I give it a pat, and I grab the paint.
He hands me the receipt, and having no space left, I shove it into my back pocket while turning to walk out.
My hand goes a bit too fast, and I accidentally slap my booty so loud it reverberates throughout the store.
My cheeks are still jiggling as I look back and lock eyes with the cashier. He saw it. He heard it. I just loudly spanked my own ass in front of this dude and he’s staring back with a look of profound confusion.
I skedaddle the fuck out of there, cheeks red. I can never return.
as long as you didn’t say “climb aboard” while smacking your ass and follow it up with a horse click, I think you’re ok.
a few weeks ago I farted while asking for the check at a restaurant. it was not on purpose, I was actually having the worst gas pain ever at that precise moment and struggling to maintain composure until I could get outside. my efforts failed at the worst moment.
anyway, I was back there a week later.
grace is an illusion.