I hope this question is not too weird (if so just tell me and I’ll delete it).
As a 21 year old guy from Germany I always admired Americans. What particularly impressed me was their social skills, their outgoing/confident nature and humor.
I don’t know if it’s also connected with being a German but I’m generally a very shy and introverted person. I have very strong social anxiety and just when someone in public or a neighbor sees me, it creates this overwhelming anxiety because I’m so scared that I will embarrass myself and be awkward because I have very bad self esteem and don’t know what to say and how to act. So most of the time I end up saying nothing and hiding myself which is very awkward or I say the bare minimum like to the grocery store cashier like only “Hello” and “Thanks, bye”. I have this extreme amount of shame that’s blocking me.
Germans might often generally be introverted or awkward but I’m on a whole different level.
Then Americans seem like this stark contrast which feels like the exact opposite. It feels like Americans are on a different level of confidence and extroversion than any country I know.
That makes it almost impossible for me to interact with an American as it creates this immense pressure on me (also cause English isn’t my native language).
Even on a daily basis the way they’re having small talks in grocery stores or talk to strangers that they’re walking by seems impossible for me. And I’m afraid that if I ever would go to the US and people talk to me that I would be extremely awkward and don’t say anything and wouldn’t be able to smile. And I’m afraid that this might come over as rude and they think bad of me.
I really would wanna interact with an American in person cause it seems like it could be so enriching but right now that seems impossible.
I was wondering if there is anything particular that makes Americans so good at that or if they have any secret. Or maybe they’re just on a different level cause they’re from the best country in the world and are the best/most capable people in the world.
Cause it’s my ultimate dream to be on that same level and interact with people like Americans.
Maybe it’s impossible for me to get to anything near that and I will simply never be good enough.
Are you sure? I’ve never seen anyone nearly as shy/socially awkward as me from the US.
Do you have any tips on how I can improve social skills?
Where would you meet a shy or socially awkward American? Are you exploring the basements of random homes?
Fair point
If you haven’t met anyone like that from the US, it might be because they are shy and stayed home instead of meeting you! You have only dealt with a self-selected sample.
I think talking to other people just gets easier with practice, as you become more comfortable. You can also watch outgoing people and try to understand their moves. Finally, if your anxiety is due to hangups about specific things, it can help to talk to other people about those things in order to process the hangups and ease the anxiety.
I remember in university, there was this girl who I had seen around but hadn’t talked to. I don’t remember whether I knew her name already. One day she said to me “my name is [so-and-so]” and waited for me to say something back. I told her my own name and we had a good chat. I remember thinking “you can do that?”. I.e. she just told me her name in order to open a conversation, instead of asking any immediate question or looking for a lame pretext to talk to me. I expect that all non-shy people know how to do that, but to me it was news. I started doing the same thing when I met someone new, and it worked surprisingly well. There’s lots of other things like that, which you can observe and try. That’s what skills amount to.
That said, I’m not an extravert myself and have never been, and I don’t know many of those techniques. I just feel more ok about that now.
Hello, I’m an American and I’m probably as shy and sociall awkward as you lol.