Hey all, I am locking this post. Here is the bottom line. Blahaj is a trans safe instance. Regardless of your personal opinion on whether a term is gender neutral or not, the moment someone tells you that they are not OK with that term, that should be the end of the debate. This is a good rule not only in Blahaj but in real life. Continuing to argue with someone about what they should or should not accept in this matter is harmful.
As a transfem, I definitely appreciate this.
I still think guy/dude is gender neutral. Call it the Good Burger principle:
āIām a dude, heās a dude, sheās a dude, weāre all dudesā¦ HEY!ā
doesnāt matter if it isnāt to whoever you are referring to
Yeah I agree. At the end of the day Iām not going to disrespect someone by calling them something they donāt want to be called
I used to use āmanā in a gender neutral way a lot. Like āhey manā or āwhatās up manā. Probably a '90s kid thing. But hereās the thing, itās not about how I feel about the word. Itās about how the person getting called that word feels about it. So Iāve made a conscious effort to stop using it. Itās really not difficult to not be a selfish asshole.
These days, the only person I still say āhey manā to is my weed guy.
I used to say ādudeā and āmanā to everyone. It was pretty easy to give up ādudeā, and I just kinda seamlessly switched āmanā to āfam.ā
Whenever anyone says āhey manā to me I respond with, āno, not anymoreā and they tend to get really confused.
I still say āhey manā to my weed guy
Thatās like their formal title lol. My last dealer (4 years clean now) was a woman and I always said āhey manā to her.
Soooo much appreciation for this š©· I think Iāll forever mentally twitch when people use dude, man, mate, bro, etc. towards me. I totally know itās done in a gender neutral way, but I still feel a small pang in my heart.
Howās Homie sit with you? (I think Homie is a great gender neutral term!)
Using a validating, non vaguely-male term is great, though!
Most of the terms are like: āthese are MALE terms and also girls can be āone of the brosā in certain circumstancesāā¦ but thatās just not what transition is about.
We donāt want to be ājust one of the brosā; you gotta understand that:
a) thatās NOT what a lot of us after,
b) the world doesnāt revolve around men and being men and being masculine (and perpetuating that male chauvinism perspective is shitty),
and c) itās okay to call girls, girls, and to be a woman. That isnāt a negative or lesser or othering l thing, despite how much of society raises us to believe.
Iām also not saying that we donāt want to be included wherever we feel comfortable fitting in, we absolutely do. And I think a lot of allies understand that. But just as many allies understand that trans women feel left out from being included in feminine spaces, as well. And sometimes, while we may fit in better with the bros, way more than the girls, that itself can feel awful and really get the dysphoria going. Sometimes though, some of us realize that the dudes that are bros we realize are hot and dumb and we want to be closer to them forā¦ different reasons.
Personally, Iām poly and pan and just want everybody to get along and not have weird stereotypically forced gender segregated hobbies, interests, and cliques anymore because thatās weird and uncomfy. I donāt even know what Iām talking about anymore I havenāt eaten today yet. Homie is fine, I guess, but borderline, personally. I donāt know a better replacement.
Yeah Iām terrible at this. Almost put man in this sentance twice. I donāt stop myself unless explicitly asked as it would be quite patronizing to treat them like theyāre somehow different than all the other women I call man or my guy however but when asked itās hard to stop. I do my best though
I do my best though
Thatās all anyone can ask for really! Mistakes happen, I even misgender myself sometimes
Changing behavior, and behavior in language, especially when you have a connection to it from your youth, is really, really hard.
Iāve been transitioning for over a decade, and I still say dude and man and stuff. Verbally and in text.
I know better, itās just so ingrained in my online wannabe 90s/00s attitude/culture from growing up.
Which is why the outward and vocal resistance to memes trying to change the behaviors and standards is so irritating to me. It isnāt gender neutral, and only exceptions to the rule exist. Maybe if you acquired the terms/phrases in gender neutral contexts is it actually okay, but then THAT conflict of honest perspectives is a different subject, akin to using words like queer, and how they differ between generations.
Like when I was really young, saying things were gay was just a part of language. Teachers would get mad and tell us not to say it, but likeā¦ We didnāt hate gay people, we were just ignorant, and thought it was fun trendy language. And I see a lot of that and stuff like that in a lot of people still today. Did using gay just as a synonym for ābadā closet-ify a lot of people? Looking back, ABSOLUTELY, myself included. But I want to believe that most other people ALSO were too ignorant to be knowingly malicious about it and just got caught in a shitty culture, and thankfully that culture has changed today (for most people, I still occasionally run across a dinosaur still calling everything gay and itās quite a sight to behold, they look straight out of saved by the bell, but 30 years passed and they never stopped smoking).
Honestly in my social circle āDudeā has basically become gender neutral.
Iām a school bus driver. Kids call everybody of all genders ādudeā and ābroā. Also the n-word but thatās a different matter.
Is it weird that Iām a Trans girl and I still use dude like so much?
And yet when other people use it for me, I feel like I have to ask how they meant it š
Itās a little inconsistent, but donāt beat yourself up too much. Language is complicated and slow to change, same as our usage of it.
but donāt beat yourself up too much
Oh donāt worry, that wasnāt the spirit of my comment at all. If anything, I started using dude after my egg cracked. It fits with the chill, tomboyish image I have of myself.
dude isnāt gender neutral?
It really depends š
