“LOOK UPON THE FACE OF YOUR NEW POPE. HIS HAPLOTYPE IS IRRELEVANT. HIS PERUVIAN HERITAGE ASIDE, LOOK INTO THE EYES OF A CHICAGO SPORTS FAN AND KNOW THAT HE HAS SUFFERED LIFETIMES OF ANGUISH. THE FAILURES OF THE HAM SANDWICH RACE PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE ‘DOUBLE DOINK’, THE BULLS AFTER THE YEAR 2000, AND THE UNSPEAKABLE TRAUMA OF BEING A CUBS FAN. KNOW THAT I DO NOT SPARE HIM THE JUSTIFIED TRUTH ABOUT HIS GENETICS OUT OF CONCERN, BUT MERELY RESTRAINT; THERE IS NO ADDITIONAL MISERY I NEED TO PLACE UPON A CHICAGO FAN, IT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM WEAK AND OPPORTUNISTIC… LIKE YOU, HAM SANDWICH.”
![[CW: Transphobia] YOUR BODY BETRAYS YOUR PAPALCY](https://hexbear.net/pictrs/image/981bf732-cdea-4549-84a3-670fb4c26443.webp){kind=link}
talkin’ out my dude ass doo doo ass here but I feel like they probably use literally whatever clues they have available including skull size and shape but probably within the context of as many other things as possible
like I think they kinda just do what they can when they have like half of a skull and a middle finger and they gotta figure that shit out