I have no concern with being cool or uncool because the only opinion that has bearing on my self worth is my own. Anyway, I’d laugh because being offended by the word is just… baseless? People can be offended by anything, reasonable or not, and it’s each individuals responsibility to cope with that. It’s not like I’m dropping N bombs or calling them a whore. I’m comparing them to a fucking cat. Cowardice is an unacceptable trait in adults and tolerating it does far more harm to the coward in question than calling them out on it does.
Christ. You are going to need to be surgically detached if you ever decide to get off your high horse. I get that you used to be misogynistic or an asshole or something, so now you’re extra sensitive about it, projecting maybe, whatever. This is another one of those things where it’s YOUR responsibility to cope with it, not mine.
I say what I mean and I get my point across. Do I actively want to offend people? No, of course not. But it’s not nearly at the top of my list of concerns. If it hurts someone’s feelings, they are free to talk to me about it. If they make sense, I’ll adjust my behavior and apologize. Something along the lines of “when I was a piece of shit I used that word in a piece of shit way” does not sway me. I’m not you bro. I’m not malicious. I’m a straight-talker, and people value that.
If you care about being a straight talker, then call someone a coward. You are not getting your point across well by using “pussy” and meaning “cat, because cats are cowardly”.
Language is an imperfect way of communicating thoughts, and works by mutual understanding on which words are used for which thoughts. The usage is subtle and constantly changing.
Misogynists use “pussy” in a hurtful way, and so there’s a mutual understanding that someone who says “pussy” might be a misogynist.
Most people don’t want to be confused for being a misogynist, so someone might assume that you’re unaware and tell you that you sound misogynistic. If you “laugh in their face and call them something much worse,” that’s fucked up.
You’re still free to use it, sure, but don’t pretend that it’s effective communication. You’re making a conscious choice that you care more about using a specific word than about communicating your thoughts.
“Most people.” Come on now. You should be able to tell by now that I’m not “most people” and I don’t want to be. Most people are hyper sensitive to others’ perception of them. They anxiously squirm around to reshape themselves into something that pleases everyone around them. I told you already that the only opinion that has bearing on my self-worth is my own. If someone mistakes me for something that I’m not, it’s exactly that: a mistake. And it’s their problem, not mine. I don’t want to be around people who’d make such a dire judgement based on such a minuscule perceived infraction. I’m happy to repel that type of person.
And about it not being effective communication? I’m not buying it. You call someone a pussy, it stings 10% more than coward does, and that gets your point across loud and clear. I feel like you’re trying to tell me that if someone is acting cowardly I should gently, politely facts-and-logic them out of an emotional conundrum. No, you give them a zap and it flips a switch in their brain. This type of jolting speech is what actually works to alter behavior in the moment.
Good people are still gonna use bad slang. Obvious we disagree where the line is for both of those things but this one point stands regardless. It’s one of those things that always has been and always will be. Make your peace with it. Focus on changing people’s actual opinions instead of focusing on signals, counter-signals, counter-counter-signals. It’s such a god damn waste of time.
Oh wow, yeah you are a big tough guy! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to a PC. I’ll go back to tending my shop.
> See anything you like?
Grow the fuck up, dweeb, you’re just like the other boys.
Good people will use bad slang, yes. But good people have empathy and don’t want to hurt other people. Good people will change their behavior if they’re hurting people, even if unintentionally.
Being a good person requires effort. If you’re not willing to put in the effort, you don’t get to be a good person.
You are too much of a coward to face your own flaws.
You are too weak to consider your impact on others.
You are so concerned with being a “man” that you aren’t being human.
You’re far from unique in that, though.
Men are socialized to be uncaring “tough guys,” and everyone loses because of it. If you actually want to be different, you need to stop buying into that crap.
It really doesn’t feel like you’re talking to me here. This entire comment is just making me out to be some archetypal cartoon character. Like you think I’m some sort of right-wing manosphere MAN UP fitness influencer or some shit. Whatever point you have is just not going to land when you’re addressing this hologram of me that you’ve constructed instead of actually addressing me. Like I said, too much focus on signals, counter-signals, etc.
It’s so obnoxious. It’s like this game of recognize the signals and connect the dots until you figure out which box to put me in. But you are totally wrong. You know nothing about me. I don’t give a fuck about “being a man” or a tough guy. I don’t mention it for a lot of reasons, primarily because of rising fascism, but I’m literally nonbinary bro. Why the fuck would I care?? I also don’t view people as NPCs, though it seems that you do, based on your eagerness to cast me into a cartoon character.
You are projecting. It is super fucking obvious. You haven’t accurately described me at all, but it sounds like you’ve accurately described the person you are ashamed that you once were. Get a grip. Maybe you feel like you need to atone for your past by doing whatever this is. I don’t know. But let me be clear. Your assumptions about me are based on nothing and they’re incorrect. I’m not going to address them one by one because this is getting exhausting, but believe me that you don’t know who I am.
Your values and beliefs result in you prioritizing your own petty interests over caring about your fellow humans, and those values and beliefs make you an asshole.
Buying into the patriarchy was my charitable assumption for why you hold those beliefs, since they’re the default settings for the vast majority of men. You’d just be a person that needed to reexamine the values that society pushed onto you vs what you believe for yourself. Everyone should constantly be doing that, and there’s no shame in it.
If you’ve self-examined, considered the impact that these values have, then decided that you LIKE them and that they make you who you want to be, that makes you a fucking sociopath.
You think saying pussy makes me sociopathic? You are the type of person that I mentioned I’m happy to repel. The type of person who makes such a dire judgement based on such a small infraction. If my vocabulary makes you want to stay away from me then it’s working.
Something is severely distorting your perception of how serious this is. The moral grandstanding is fucking unreal. Why don’t you tell me what’s actually gonna happen if I keep saying it? What are the maximum fucking stakes? Someone gets slightly uncomfortable? You just can’t stand that I won’t kneel to your purity bullshit and it’s making you irrational. The more I resist the more you escalate. Slinging shit around like “sociopath” makes this a tantrum.
I’m saying you are making choices based on values you hold, and that I’m judging you based on those values.
You are choosing to continue to say pussy, despite knowing that some folks find it hurtful.
That shows that you value your word choice over how those words might unintentionally hurt other people. You’re refusing to put away your shopping cart.
Because you hold that value, I think you’re an asshole.
I have no concern with being cool or uncool because the only opinion that has bearing on my self worth is my own. Anyway, I’d laugh because being offended by the word is just… baseless? People can be offended by anything, reasonable or not, and it’s each individuals responsibility to cope with that. It’s not like I’m dropping N bombs or calling them a whore. I’m comparing them to a fucking cat. Cowardice is an unacceptable trait in adults and tolerating it does far more harm to the coward in question than calling them out on it does.
Christ. You are going to need to be surgically detached if you ever decide to get off your high horse. I get that you used to be misogynistic or an asshole or something, so now you’re extra sensitive about it, projecting maybe, whatever. This is another one of those things where it’s YOUR responsibility to cope with it, not mine.
I say what I mean and I get my point across. Do I actively want to offend people? No, of course not. But it’s not nearly at the top of my list of concerns. If it hurts someone’s feelings, they are free to talk to me about it. If they make sense, I’ll adjust my behavior and apologize. Something along the lines of “when I was a piece of shit I used that word in a piece of shit way” does not sway me. I’m not you bro. I’m not malicious. I’m a straight-talker, and people value that.
If you care about being a straight talker, then call someone a coward. You are not getting your point across well by using “pussy” and meaning “cat, because cats are cowardly”.
Language is an imperfect way of communicating thoughts, and works by mutual understanding on which words are used for which thoughts. The usage is subtle and constantly changing.
Misogynists use “pussy” in a hurtful way, and so there’s a mutual understanding that someone who says “pussy” might be a misogynist.
Most people don’t want to be confused for being a misogynist, so someone might assume that you’re unaware and tell you that you sound misogynistic. If you “laugh in their face and call them something much worse,” that’s fucked up.
You’re still free to use it, sure, but don’t pretend that it’s effective communication. You’re making a conscious choice that you care more about using a specific word than about communicating your thoughts.
“Most people.” Come on now. You should be able to tell by now that I’m not “most people” and I don’t want to be. Most people are hyper sensitive to others’ perception of them. They anxiously squirm around to reshape themselves into something that pleases everyone around them. I told you already that the only opinion that has bearing on my self-worth is my own. If someone mistakes me for something that I’m not, it’s exactly that: a mistake. And it’s their problem, not mine. I don’t want to be around people who’d make such a dire judgement based on such a minuscule perceived infraction. I’m happy to repel that type of person.
And about it not being effective communication? I’m not buying it. You call someone a pussy, it stings 10% more than coward does, and that gets your point across loud and clear. I feel like you’re trying to tell me that if someone is acting cowardly I should gently, politely facts-and-logic them out of an emotional conundrum. No, you give them a zap and it flips a switch in their brain. This type of jolting speech is what actually works to alter behavior in the moment.
Good people are still gonna use bad slang. Obvious we disagree where the line is for both of those things but this one point stands regardless. It’s one of those things that always has been and always will be. Make your peace with it. Focus on changing people’s actual opinions instead of focusing on signals, counter-signals, counter-counter-signals. It’s such a god damn waste of time.
Oh wow, yeah you are a big tough guy! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to a PC. I’ll go back to tending my shop.
> See anything you like?Grow the fuck up, dweeb, you’re just like the other boys.
Good people will use bad slang, yes. But good people have empathy and don’t want to hurt other people. Good people will change their behavior if they’re hurting people, even if unintentionally.
Being a good person requires effort. If you’re not willing to put in the effort, you don’t get to be a good person.
You are too much of a coward to face your own flaws.
You are too weak to consider your impact on others.
You are so concerned with being a “man” that you aren’t being human.
You’re far from unique in that, though.
Men are socialized to be uncaring “tough guys,” and everyone loses because of it. If you actually want to be different, you need to stop buying into that crap.
It really doesn’t feel like you’re talking to me here. This entire comment is just making me out to be some archetypal cartoon character. Like you think I’m some sort of right-wing manosphere MAN UP fitness influencer or some shit. Whatever point you have is just not going to land when you’re addressing this hologram of me that you’ve constructed instead of actually addressing me. Like I said, too much focus on signals, counter-signals, etc.
It’s so obnoxious. It’s like this game of recognize the signals and connect the dots until you figure out which box to put me in. But you are totally wrong. You know nothing about me. I don’t give a fuck about “being a man” or a tough guy. I don’t mention it for a lot of reasons, primarily because of rising fascism, but I’m literally nonbinary bro. Why the fuck would I care?? I also don’t view people as NPCs, though it seems that you do, based on your eagerness to cast me into a cartoon character.
You are projecting. It is super fucking obvious. You haven’t accurately described me at all, but it sounds like you’ve accurately described the person you are ashamed that you once were. Get a grip. Maybe you feel like you need to atone for your past by doing whatever this is. I don’t know. But let me be clear. Your assumptions about me are based on nothing and they’re incorrect. I’m not going to address them one by one because this is getting exhausting, but believe me that you don’t know who I am.
Jesus Christ if you’re non-binary that’s somehow worse.
Our actions come from the values and beliefs that we hold. People should be judged by those values and beliefs.
Your actions show that you are not willing to just pick a different word to avoid potentially hurting people. You’re an asshole if you don’t for the same reason you’re an asshole if you don’t put away your shopping cart.
Your values and beliefs result in you prioritizing your own petty interests over caring about your fellow humans, and those values and beliefs make you an asshole.
Buying into the patriarchy was my charitable assumption for why you hold those beliefs, since they’re the default settings for the vast majority of men. You’d just be a person that needed to reexamine the values that society pushed onto you vs what you believe for yourself. Everyone should constantly be doing that, and there’s no shame in it.
If you’ve self-examined, considered the impact that these values have, then decided that you LIKE them and that they make you who you want to be, that makes you a fucking sociopath.
You think saying pussy makes me sociopathic? You are the type of person that I mentioned I’m happy to repel. The type of person who makes such a dire judgement based on such a small infraction. If my vocabulary makes you want to stay away from me then it’s working.
Something is severely distorting your perception of how serious this is. The moral grandstanding is fucking unreal. Why don’t you tell me what’s actually gonna happen if I keep saying it? What are the maximum fucking stakes? Someone gets slightly uncomfortable? You just can’t stand that I won’t kneel to your purity bullshit and it’s making you irrational. The more I resist the more you escalate. Slinging shit around like “sociopath” makes this a tantrum.
I maintain that you’re projecting. Get a grip.
I’m saying you are making choices based on values you hold, and that I’m judging you based on those values.
You are choosing to continue to say pussy, despite knowing that some folks find it hurtful.
That shows that you value your word choice over how those words might unintentionally hurt other people. You’re refusing to put away your shopping cart.
Because you hold that value, I think you’re an asshole.