“IT’S OUR JOB TO MAKE UP SHIT STORIES NOT YOURS!!!” -Onion to God
Re-open Alcatraz as a tourist attraction with real live criminals like a petting zoo but for violent offenders.
The re-open is already being discussed so that’s on track.
I had an idea for one, something like: “Vatican Conclave Elects to End Papcy, sell off all Vatican possessions to feed the needy, and entrust the direction of the church to God’s hands.”
The problem was that The Onion tipped their hand. They needed to do what these high class tax dodgers do and create a completely separate legal entity (e.g. Information Combat Readiness Group) and submit bids under that name. Once purchased, sell the company to The Onion for pennies, or if they are really smart, rent the assets to the Onion for bajillion dollars, which then the Onion can write off and pay less taxes.
And yes, that’s how our corporate tax system works.
Honestly, what my divorce taught me is that the legal system is set up to protect rich white men from ever experiencing consequences. Obstructing the courts is a great strategy, because you can just draw things out until people give up.
Which is basically what this still is - Jones lost on default because he was refusing to provide evidence or follow the rules. But he’s still getting to opt out of the rules.
Ohhh the greatness of the image is from The shoe body bop
It’ll get stuck in your head forever, your welcomeHonorable mention of the prequel Something terribly offensive
Holy shit. This is the guy that did the grill video. I thought it was gone forever. Thank you.
You’re not wrong about it being stuck in your head forever. I’m glad the animator saved it.
What do you mean saved it? As in just posted it on YouTube?
I think the original channel he’d done the animation for perished, so he put it up on his own channel
Yeah I’ve been watching this video for a couple years scratching my head why it wasn’t more popular… and now it’s blowing up I hear?
I had no idea. I’ll have to look into that. Thanks!
The original artist took all his old videos down for unknown reasons.
For gods sake, why won’t the devs roll back the simulation to an older save?!
The off-site backup is in another galaxy, it’ll take a bit to get here
Not necessarily if you take the mandela effect seriously. My favorite mandela effect is the collective wrong memory that instead of Sanders, Trump was elected. I’m glad I escaped that universe (or rather I’m trying to)
The request has been submitted to uservoice and has 265,567 votes, so it will probably be any time now.
They’ve been frantically rolling back repeatedly, and the simulation just keeps going off the rails. Didn’t you see the posts in ten forward?
They’ve been doing a surprisingly good job. Like “Quibbling Over Exact Definition Of Concentration Camp Sign Of Healthy Society”. We can debate if the prison in El Salvador counts as a concentration camp (IMO it very clearly is) or a death camp (IMO it is not, but we’re probably headed there), but the fact that we’re even having that debate is a very bad sign. It cuts through the “well, technically” of it all and shows what’s really important.
I’m a subscriber to their monthly print copy, and a lot of the stories in the print version don’t make it to the website as quickly. I’ve got the February copy on my desk with the following headlines:
- Trump Administration Offers Free At-Home Loyalty Tests: Tool That Diagnoses Disobedience to be Mailed to U.S. Households
- U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Combat - Wars Will No Longer Be Fought By Male Shannons, Terrys, or Carmens
- Baby Saves Affair: Illicit Relationship Rekindled by Out-of-Wedlock Birth
As far as I can tell, these articles never made it online. And they are funny. Good coffee table material.
it’s like that south park episode where prof chaos is trying to come up with an evil plan for world domination, but can’t because the simpsons already did it
except instead of south park it’s real life
Doo Bop
Shoobody Doo BopBut then the new guy reads the incantation wrong so we get another dumb thing for real instead. Great job, Frank, this is why nobody likes you.
It worked for the oblivion remaster
