• xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    17 hours ago

    if only STI’s weren’t a thing, polycules would be great….
    but, i’d rather be single than have to deal with pustules on my genitals for life….
    ….
    i bet they’d all be cured by now if idiots didn’t see it as some divine retribution….

    • Korhaka@sopuli.xyz
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      6 hours ago

      You know we can test for those things now, right? As long as everyone remains faithful to their partners its not an issue.

      If 300 people all get tested and are clean, they can all get together every night for a massive orgy and there is zero STI risk. As long as none of them sleep with anyone outside of the group that hasn’t been tested.

      • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        5 hours ago

        you can’t just test for these things without symptoms.
        most of these diseases have dormant phases and active phases… like a cold sore….

        • Korhaka@sopuli.xyz
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          3 hours ago

          I don’t know how healthcare works where you live, but here you can. Its free, no questions asked. Get the results a couple of weeks later.

          • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            3 minutes ago

            they don’t test for every single disease… it’s not where i live, it’s medical technology….
            show me a screening test that tests for every single SDI or STFU….

            repeating yourself is pointless. gimme proof or i do not care about the words you’re typing on here.

            show me… any country, any price, show me your comprehensive, 100% accurate screening of every possible STI… or even something close to that… i’ll hold my breath.

        • Cid Vicious@sh.itjust.works
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          4 hours ago

          Er? You absolutely can do an STI screen without symptoms. Some of the most common STIs don’t even usually have symptoms.

      • WhiteRabbit_33@lemmy.world
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        19 hours ago

        Yep, this is exactly it. Practice safe sex, get on PrEP for HIV prevention, talk about testing and status with any potential sexual partners in or out of the polycule, and get tested every 3-6 months.

        • Gurei@sh.itjust.works
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          2 hours ago

          Yup! And if that’s too much of an ask, interrelationship dynamics are probably too much of a ask as well!

        • Hugin@lemmy.world
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          16 hours ago

          Yeah. My polycule is small but my friend is in a big multinational one. They have a google doc spreadsheet with STD results and sexual relationship tracking (fluid bonded, barriers, etc).

      • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        17 hours ago

        yes because you can absolutely trust and guarantee safety amongst everyone in your polycule, and because you can totally be safe from STI’s that are transmitted by skin contact….

        you can be safer, but not safe

          • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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            5 hours ago

            Trust isn’t the issue. Probability is. Even without deception, there’s a chance someone can have an STD without knowing it. And there’s a chance that std won’t show up on testing due to incubation times, dormancy phases, and false negatives.

            Imagine there is a 1% chance of your partner having an STD without knowing it. 1% doesn’t sound too bad an odds. But if you have 50 partners in an extended polycule, then the chance that at least one of them unknowingly has one is 1-(.99)^50, or 39%. Probabilities compound.

          • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            6 hours ago

            i’ve been lied to by people i trusted many times… but i hope your ability to determine trustworthiness is perfect. mine is not.

    • ImmersiveMatthew@sh.itjust.works
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      20 hours ago

      I am unsure if that is completely true as my past experience in the lifestyle was that everyone was very on top of regular STD (think you meant this not SDI) testing and safe sex practices to protect all involved, whereas normal dating there is a lot less of that plus secret polycules you are not even aware you are in (cheating). Not seen a study on this but this was my observation at least.

      • Hugin@lemmy.world
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        16 hours ago

        Yeah my fluid bonded girlfriend had a condom break with her other boyfriend. So she just told me and we switched to condoms until she could get retested. No big deal.

        If we hadn’t been poly it would either have been a I cheated on you conversation or worse she exposed my to possible STD without my consent.

      • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        17 hours ago

        STI… but the problems with people cheating are present in polycules or any other relationship…
        people lie and cheat….

        i’m not saying they’re completely bad and nobody should ever do it (sorry downvoters, you have my blessings), it’s just the kind of thing that concerns me in these scenarios….

        afaik, people tend to do things like get herpes, not tell anyone, and tell people it’s not even worth tripping over… just a lil herpes…

        and as long as your polycule isn’t a closed loop, it’s essentially infinitely large….

        • YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world
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          15 hours ago

          Personally I would never be in a relationship with someone who would do that but i am pretty picky with very firm boundaries.

      • andros_rex@lemmy.world
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        17 hours ago

        Herpes can be spread, even with condoms. Often asymptomatic, also so common/with a test that is also so prone to false positives that they don’t test for it in most panels.

        PREP, PEP, and doxyPREP are great things. There should also be no stigma around STI’s - a large chunk of adults get one at some point in their lives. Trich or HPV I think the vast majority of people don’t even know.

        The big thing is that everyone should be an adult and open/honest about their risks and tolerances. The more partners you have, the more likely a condom is to break or something is to go wrong. There’s a balance in all things.

        • Pup Biru@aussie.zone
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          15 hours ago

          would you like to elaborate?

          because

          • HIV is preventable through PrEP
          • gonorrhoea is curable with antibiotics
          • syphilis is curable with antibiotics
          • chlamydia is curable with antibiotics
          • mgen is curable with antibiotics
          • many of the above are preventable with DoxyPEP
          • herpes is treatable
          • HPV is preventable through vaccination

          and your “pustules on my genitals” is just complete FUD

              • xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                5 hours ago

                i know. i used that exact example previously.
                like i said before:
                i’m not saying risky things aren’t worth doing. i’m saying this is not without risks.
                “getting tested” doesn’t cover most STI’s unless you’re symptomatic… you can’t go to the doctor and say “test me for every STI”… that’s not an option.
                HPV, Herpes, and many others are diseases for life. you can take medicine that makes most people asymptomatic for most of their life… but it’s not just fixed.

                people on here are acting like you can just trust everyone you date, and everyone they date, and everyone those people date, and everyone those people date, out to infinity and it’s totally safe and fine and the only issue is skill in knowing who to trust…
                or you can just make sure everybody “gets tested” but that’s not how getting tested works.

                and many diseases are evolving resistance to current treatments… it’s a lot of risk that is worth considering before making an informed decision