[CW: Sexism, Zionism, Just Reactionary Stuff Period]

But despite that… I’d feel bad doing it. He and I seem to be on good terms, but to be real with you, that’s only out of negative peace because I’m not the most overt tankie when I talk to this guy, and this shit just disturbs me.

Ultimately, I know what you’re all gonna say, but truthfully, I think I just need the validation to push myself to do this.

So, he’s a bit younger than me, and though that still makes him a grown ass man, I feel like he says things that are so ignorant that I’ve kind of been giving him ā€œHanlon’s razorā€ kind of passes for all of this shit, but it’s too much no matter how you slice it.

He says things that are just unequivocally sexist and objectifying of women. He denies that society is patriarchal, and basically, every time he comments on a woman, he feels like he needs to bring up how ā€œhotā€ he finds her. He labeled himself as an ā€œincelā€ one time, and I genuinely can’t tell if the dude was joking or not.

He says being a ā€œHamas apologistā€ is antisemitic, and he one time showed me this obviously fake video of this chud going to a supposed ā€œpro-Palestineā€ protest, showing AI slop of a Trump supporter and a Hamas member, and he asked them, ā€œWhich one of these two do you think would be more likely to be in support of the LGBTQ community?ā€ and the first ā€œprotestorā€ interviewed in the video literally pointed at the Hamas member pic and said, ā€œThat one because he’s brown!ā€ It couldn’t be more obviously fake, but this MF actually thought it was a real video and validated the pinkwashing shit.

So why do I talk to someone who seems like such a chud?

Well, I got in contact with him over the fact that we are both Black vegans, and this is what confuses me: he can be very unapologetic and have a ā€œthere’s no middle groundā€ outlook when it comes to animal liberation (which I agree with myself), but he takes the whole ā€œenlightened centristā€ route for many human rights things, viewing disagreements on Zionism, feminism, TERFism, etc. as just ā€œdifferent opinionsā€ and yes, he actually identifies as a centrist.

He started trying to rizz up this vegan woman who lives near him, but she’s very clearly and explicitly more of a leftist, feminist, and a total liberationist type. He hasn’t been totally transparent with her about disagreements he has, and I told him, ā€œYou definitely should tell her, especially since it seems you’re trying to be with her long-term,ā€ and how he responded to this just kind of demonstrated his ignorance…

He said, ā€œYeah, you’re right, but I find that leftists are less likely to respect the idea of dating someone with different political views than right-wingers. I’m open to dating her if she is okay with dating me knowing my views.ā€

And it’s just like… so ignorant how this dude denies the existence of patriarchy alongside having other chuddy beliefs, and he thinks that it can really be an ā€œagree to disagreeā€ scenario with someone who clearly takes those things very seriously? What the fuck?

Here I am feeling like I’m enabling this ignorance because by continuing to talk to him and remain silent on this awful shit for the sake of ā€œnegative peace,ā€ I’ve been feeling more and more like I’m validating his awful ā€œagree to disagreeā€ framing, though not intentionally.

He seems to ā€œrespectā€ me as a trans person, but there’s this other transfem he knows who is less feminine than me, and he seems to be okay with misgendering her, but it’s not the most ā€œovertā€ misgendering I guess. He avoids she/her pronouns and only calls her by they/them pronouns, even though her pronouns are not listed as they/them at all.

I do vibe with him when we talk about veganism, but every other subject seems to be absolutely just blegh.

Like I said, I’m sure I know what you’ll all say, but that validation seems to be needed because of my awful people pleasing mind.

Also, I’m thinking of reaching out to the girl he’s trying to rizz up and giving somewhat of a warning.

UPDATE: I blocked!

  • ButtBidet [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    17 days ago

    I feel, sadly, that it’s often the women in these men’s lives that do all the emotional labour and walk them through through all their bad opinions. I knew a few men like this, and it’s always their wives, partners, sisters, or mum that are gently nudging them away from their terrible reactionary ideas. Some of these same men I’ll debate and criticise, spending literal hours untangling their brainworms, but I wouldn’t go anywhere without the women in their lives who are doing 99% of the work.

    Obviously this is totally unfair and shit. Men need to step up and do more of this labour. Also it would be nice if men read more theory, so as to not be such shitty comrades and make their loved ones work so damn much on them.

    I do vibe with him when we talk about veganism, but every other subject seems to be absolutely just blegh.

    This is definitely a thing. I have this situation with lots of left acquaintances. Great on worker stuff, silly about veganism. Amazing on Palestine, bad on class consciousness.

    Also, I’m thinking of reaching out to the girl he’s trying to rizz up and giving somewhat of a warning.

    I’m OK with this. Potentially she could be deep in a relationship before she discovers his brainworms.

    • Sulv [he/him, undecided]@hexbear.netM
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      17 days ago

      walk them through through all their bad opinions

      Me in my early 20s. While I’m grateful to the people that helped me see where I was being shitty, it was never their responsibility.

      • ButtBidet [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        17 days ago

        Samsies, tbh. One of those people who spent 20+ hours with me in my teens is nice mildly famous, with a lovely family. And frankly, I feel like she deserves it.