[CW: Sexism, Zionism, Just Reactionary Stuff Period]
But despite that⦠Iād feel bad doing it. He and I seem to be on good terms, but to be real with you, thatās only out of negative peace because Iām not the most overt tankie when I talk to this guy, and this shit just disturbs me.
Ultimately, I know what youāre all gonna say, but truthfully, I think I just need the validation to push myself to do this.
So, heās a bit younger than me, and though that still makes him a grown ass man, I feel like he says things that are so ignorant that Iāve kind of been giving him āHanlonās razorā kind of passes for all of this shit, but itās too much no matter how you slice it.
He says things that are just unequivocally sexist and objectifying of women. He denies that society is patriarchal, and basically, every time he comments on a woman, he feels like he needs to bring up how āhotā he finds her. He labeled himself as an āincelā one time, and I genuinely canāt tell if the dude was joking or not.
He says being a āHamas apologistā is antisemitic, and he one time showed me this obviously fake video of this chud going to a supposed āpro-Palestineā protest, showing AI slop of a Trump supporter and a Hamas member, and he asked them, āWhich one of these two do you think would be more likely to be in support of the LGBTQ community?ā and the first āprotestorā interviewed in the video literally pointed at the Hamas member pic and said, āThat one because heās brown!ā It couldnāt be more obviously fake, but this MF actually thought it was a real video and validated the pinkwashing shit.
So why do I talk to someone who seems like such a chud?
Well, I got in contact with him over the fact that we are both Black vegans, and this is what confuses me: he can be very unapologetic and have a āthereās no middle groundā outlook when it comes to animal liberation (which I agree with myself), but he takes the whole āenlightened centristā route for many human rights things, viewing disagreements on Zionism, feminism, TERFism, etc. as just ādifferent opinionsā and yes, he actually identifies as a centrist.
He started trying to rizz up this vegan woman who lives near him, but sheās very clearly and explicitly more of a leftist, feminist, and a total liberationist type. He hasnāt been totally transparent with her about disagreements he has, and I told him, āYou definitely should tell her, especially since it seems youāre trying to be with her long-term,ā and how he responded to this just kind of demonstrated his ignoranceā¦
He said, āYeah, youāre right, but I find that leftists are less likely to respect the idea of dating someone with different political views than right-wingers. Iām open to dating her if she is okay with dating me knowing my views.ā
And itās just like⦠so ignorant how this dude denies the existence of patriarchy alongside having other chuddy beliefs, and he thinks that it can really be an āagree to disagreeā scenario with someone who clearly takes those things very seriously? What the fuck?
Here I am feeling like Iām enabling this ignorance because by continuing to talk to him and remain silent on this awful shit for the sake of ānegative peace,ā Iāve been feeling more and more like Iām validating his awful āagree to disagreeā framing, though not intentionally.
He seems to ārespectā me as a trans person, but thereās this other transfem he knows who is less feminine than me, and he seems to be okay with misgendering her, but itās not the most āovertā misgendering I guess. He avoids she/her pronouns and only calls her by they/them pronouns, even though her pronouns are not listed as they/them at all.
I do vibe with him when we talk about veganism, but every other subject seems to be absolutely just blegh.
Like I said, Iām sure I know what youāll all say, but that validation seems to be needed because of my awful people pleasing mind.
Also, Iām thinking of reaching out to the girl heās trying to rizz up and giving somewhat of a warning.
UPDATE: I blocked!
I feel, sadly, that itās often the women in these menās lives that do all the emotional labour and walk them through through all their bad opinions. I knew a few men like this, and itās always their wives, partners, sisters, or mum that are gently nudging them away from their terrible reactionary ideas. Some of these same men Iāll debate and criticise, spending literal hours untangling their brainworms, but I wouldnāt go anywhere without the women in their lives who are doing 99% of the work.
Obviously this is totally unfair and shit. Men need to step up and do more of this labour. Also it would be nice if men read more theory, so as to not be such shitty comrades and make their loved ones work so damn much on them.
This is definitely a thing. I have this situation with lots of left acquaintances. Great on worker stuff, silly about veganism. Amazing on Palestine, bad on class consciousness.
Iām OK with this. Potentially she could be deep in a relationship before she discovers his brainworms.
Me in my early 20s. While Iām grateful to the people that helped me see where I was being shitty, it was never their responsibility.
Samsies, tbh. One of those people who spent 20+ hours with me in my teens is nice mildly famous, with a lovely family. And frankly, I feel like she deserves it.