For as long as there have been movies, there have been vampire movies. Obviously, not every vampire movie will be good. Or even tolerable. Or should ever have been made at all.
I was browsing through the vampire movies available on Tubi and found classics such as Vampire Time Travelers, Planet of the Vampire Women, and Aleta: Vampire Mistress. You’re welcome to watch those movies if you want, but it got me thinking… what is the worst vampire movie you actually sat through and watched to the end?
For me, it was probably Dracula 3000.
The poster made me think there’d be a cyborg vampire or something, and it stars Casper Van Dien and Coolio, how bad could it really be? Turns out, pretty bad. And there aren’t any cyborg vampires either. So disappointing. I did watch it all the way to the end though.
So what horrible vampire movie(s) have you actually watched?
(For anyone who just can’t resist, here’s a trailer for Planet of the Vampire Women and Aleta: Vampire Mistress. I actually can’t find a trailer for Vampire Time Travelers but I assume that’s for the best. Also, I wasn’t trying to focus only on the low budget softcore vampire movies in the picture for this post, I was just going for the most ridiculous posters. I could’ve just as easily used Hood Vamps, Samurai Priest: Vampire Hunter, Vampire Riderz, or Vampyrz on a Boat. Seriously, there’s a lot on Tubi.)
My wife and I watched Morbius, and I have to admit, I got really emotionally involved in the YouTube video we watched immediately afterwards where an engineer built a chicken-slapping robot to see if you could actually cook a chicken by slapping it.
Lesbian Vampire Killers is a terribly great campy vampire flick
For fun camp I really love “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter” and “A Polish Vampire in Burbank”. Both low budget camp/comedies.
Any From Dusk Till Dawn apart from the original.
Razor Blade Smile is not a good movie but it’s worth a watch.
I previously posted about Gothic Vampires from Hell, which was very poorly made but kinda fun as a B-movie.
I want to say Dracula 2000 sticks in my mind as being just kinda boring. Though now that I look at the wikipedia page, I notice it had Slayer, Pantera, Disturbed, and System of a Down on the soundtrack so there’s that.
I caught the first half-hour of that recent Nosferatu movie at a friend’s house, and it was tedious and overwritten. I didn’t finish watching it tho so maybe it doesn’t count. (COUNT… haha)
Whoo, we have extremely different taste in movies. I adore Robert Eggers, and Nosferatu just might be my new favourite vampire film. I’ll have to give it some time and more viewings to be sure though.
Agreed on Dracula 2000. Some good ideas there, but overall pretty weak. Also a criminal underuse of Jeri Ryan, who could have killed it as a vampire if given something to do.
Yeah, now that you say that, I remember thinking that the recent Nosferatu has really good cinematography, and that I should start watching it again when I can pay more attention to it.
The cinematography is definitely a high point, as is the sound design. And Williem Defoe shows up about halfway through, if that sweetens the deal for you!
OK I’m sold, I’m definitely gonna watch it through the end at some point.
