You all love troubleshooting computer problems right? Well, we replaced everything in your car with computers so you can always be troubleshooting! Yay capitalism!
“Hello, Tesla support? Have you tried getting out and getting back in again?”
“I can’t! It’s on fire and the doors are locked!”
Customer positive review identified - “This Tesla will last me the rest of my life!”
Is it plugged in? Unplug it!
In case you accidentally unplugged it while already plugged, do not unplug it a second time unless its before noon on a Tuesday.
Well, if computers worked as well as this shit you wouldn’t be using it to work tomorrow with billions other people.
Computerizing cars isn’t a bad idea in itself. Fuel injection, ABS, airbags and so mamy more features that make todays cars so much safer and less polluting all use computers to function. It’s just we live in an enshittification era.
Screens aren’t a bad idea either. Displaying diagnostic values or at least error messages is always preferred to just an LED or code on the odometer. Not everyone has OBD readers.
Touchscreens, though? GTFO.
I don’t even hate touch screens for the shit you need to be parked to do. For everything else give me buttons
Yeah, my parents got a Hyundai Kona last year and they’ve managed to balance physical buttons and a touchscreen pretty well. Hazard lights, windows, the AC, and all the steering wheel and stalk controls are physical. It’s not perfect but they also looked at a Volvo EX30 and that thing was basically a Tesla copycat. I would hate to drive one of those.
Give me Kinect-style motion controls or nothing.
Nah man, I want to drive and control all of the cars functions using an N64 controller. Make it 2000’s transparent purple as well.
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Cyberbeast… Lmao. Anything to try and make your worst purchasing mistake sound cool.
It is just the actual name for the most powerful version of the Cybertruck
The fuck?
Yeah… a higher trim level. Much faster than the regular
Lol. “Faster…”
Yeah, with the lack of quality and attention to detail and likelihood to trap you in and burn you alive if you crash it goes horrifyingly fast. Not any faster than your average luxury car, but more deadly
I mean im no apologyst and i hate the guy as much as anybody, but its significantly faster than your average ice luxury car. I would never buy a tesla now, but i also am not a fan of skewing the facts to fit a narrative. The cars were shit in the beginning and are much better now. Pretty, well equipped and fast. But dont buy any of them, fuck tesla. And fuck elon especially.
They accelerate faster. But they lack the top speed of a lot of more pedestrian cars.
21 miles and screen absolutely covered in dust. These things must be sitting for ages and not selling. Not even a wipe down from the Tesla store.
Why clean it when they will buy it either way. Might even think its cool how “rugged” it looks.
CyberSuck.
CyberStuck
He…he can’t help you. He’s the nepo baby of people who owned blood mines. He doesn’t actually know anything useful. Or care about you.
Mentioning this on Twitter might bring it to his attention and since this is bad PR, he might expedite the complaint so that it gets fixed sooner. That’s probably the thinking here. I’ve seen it happen with companies before
More accurately, he’d ban you outright for daring to “lie” about his products having flaws
Soon it will be a capital crime
He’s also the grandson of a man who tried to overthrow democracy in Canada and was forced to flee.
Why would they make him go to a red hot chili peppers concert for trying to overthrow democracy in Canada?
It does that right before it locks you in and catches on fire
That screen is awfully dusty for a car you bought 10 minutes ago
Well, it still does have a protective foil on it and very few finger traces in the dust.
Still, the bottom corner of the film is peeling. Could have been sitting on a lot for a long time, but peeling like that after only a few test drives at most?
Edit: I ended up digging into his Twitter page and everything is legit. And I’m baffled.
Selfie:
SMS conversation with Tesla support (LOL):
Dropping it off:
“Your concern is closed.”
Ahaha the garbage customer service they sell these days.
If “thank you”: return
It’s been DOGE’d for sure
Ahahaha, oh wow, that tech support exchange.
I’d expect the dealership to give it a quick detail before letting the customer drive away, even used car dealerships do that. But I guess when we’re talking about Tesla all bets are off.
You can’t detail a car in 15 minutes. Most places just vacuum and run a cloth around the dash. My guess is the Tesla dealer only does that if you ask or demand it, considering they love to cut corners.
It takes way more than 15 minutes to do the paperwork on a new car. If you’re getting a loan it might be the longest part of the whole experience.
Haha. Yeah probably not. Look at what they aren’t paying for when making these now.
I don’t think Tesla dealers work on commission (basing this entirely off the comment of a rando on this site without verification), so that would help explain it.
You’d think the dealership would step in though. If I bought a $100k vehicle I’d be beyond livid if it was delivered in that condition. The fact that it’s also broken is just a cherry on top
Tesla doesn’t have a dealer network, you’re buying direct. Their delivery and service quality is amusing at best.
But you’d never buy a cyber truck for 100k. Maybe not even for a tenth that. These have to be somewhat impulsive people right? The more you research on a Tesla the worse it gets.
Well, if you own a big yacht and need an anchor, a $10K Chiphershit would be a good choice.
You have a point. Even if I wanted one, I have nowhere to charge it. I’d only buy a cybertruck if I knew I could immediately turn around and sell it for a profit. But I’d fucking clean it first.
If a dealer detailed my factory new car before giving it to me I would refuse delivery
Lmao, imagine a car not working because of a software bug. That’s just pathetic.
That’s… Basically every car made in the last 15 years?
The worst bug I had on my car had the onboard computer not starting, and the screen remaining black. It meant I had: no GPS, no music, no backup camera, and no parking sensor.
But apart from that, the car was driving perfectly normal, and all the other features were working as expected.
My car has a 3 finger salute to force reboot the infotainment system.
Teslas also have a slaute to acess the infotainment system, except it uses the entire hand and arm
💀
Oh apparently I have something similar (5s press on the bottom left), it might have worked
My 2017 mini hasn’t had anything, even resembling that?
It’s got an ECU, you’re 1 computer bug away from being stranded.
the thing is that most manufacturers make sure software bugs are rare in cars. i never experienced an ecu bug before.
i never experienced an ecu bug before.
OK, that’s a sample size of one, not very useful. Most Tesla owners never experienced an ECU bug either. I’ve never had an ECU bug in any of my own cars, but last year I had a rental car from Opel for a few months while my car was waiting for a replacement transmission to get shipped, and in the few months I had it I experienced an ECU bug once, where the car refused to be put into gear, and the only way to fix it was to disconnect the 12v battery and reattach it
It’s a fact that modern cars get more complicated electronics every year, so ECU bugs leaving you stranded will get more common every year also
i never knew anybody whos ever experienced an ECU bug before, on non-teslas. the infotainment system can have issues, but on sane cars it is separate from engine management and the electronic functions of the car that have to be reliable.
i think thats the point this post in general is trying to make.
Depends on the car brand. Some kept their dependance on software quite low like Mazda. Some decided to take a risk with the software gods and tie their entire functionality to it while simultaneously laying off good workers and rehiring the lowest bidder.
My car is built in 2023 (2016 model) and has none of those “features”. The most high tech thing is a USB port.
Ah, so no ECU? No RFID engine interlock? No braking assist or lane keep?
I highly doubt it. Post your model. You’re 1 software bug away from a dead car.
Proton Saga 1.3, good luck.
Let’s see here.
ECU - that has a bug and your dead in the water
Push to start - bug in that system, and you’re stuck.
Hill Hold - have a software glitch there and your brake is jammed on.
Sorry bub, there are multiple system on your car where a software glitch will stop it from driving.
Every car has an ECU, those are pretty much tried and tested at this point. Bugs are rare.
I don’t have push to start.
I don’t have hill hold.
Like I said, the most advanced feature of my car is a USB charger.
Every car has an ECU
The point.
You might be right but how common are those? Ive yet to have a car breakdown over an ECU bug/malfunction but its a small sample size.
Not that common, I think most places try to flash the ECU and if that doesn’t work they chuck it. I would not be surprised if a lot of software bugs get resolved as a bad ECU.
Thats a good point and I have had that happen before.
Yes and?
I’d be shocked if anyone who works in IT would buy one. Already full up on troubleshooting.
This could be an ICCU failure, where the high voltage battery doesn’t properly charge the 12V. I have an EV model that is known to have this issue (luckily I haven’t had it happen). It can be caused by either hardware or software faults. Still pathetic though lol
Edit: the cyber truck apparently doesn’t have a 12V but rather a 48V system. I’m not sure if this same issue or a similar one is happening, or something else entirely.
That’s what you get for buying from a Nazi. #LeopardsAteMyFace
This has nothing to do with face-eating leopards. He did not wish for other people to get their cars broken.
Oh well, it sucks to be you, a Muskrat dick-sucker.
I love that people think @elonmusk is a valid technical support approach
Having worked customer support, @ing company leadership is a valid method to get escalated to the highest tiers of support
Swastidumpster doesn’t really flow. We need alternatives for the cyberclunk. Anyone got suggestions?
Some people use WankPanzer.
Based on Grimes’ tweet maybe the pegwagon?
She said that was fake
And also we shouldn’t shame him for taking it up the ass. He wishes he was cool enough to get pegged
I mean, sure, if it were true, whatever. People’s preferences are none of our business.
‘Deplorean’ is my personal fav followed by ‘Wankpanzer’
Incel camino
IncEl Camino
glorious
Oh I like this one.
Cybersuck?
Sorry, I meant names that acknowledge Elon’s nazi adoration, like swasticar.
Fashcan?
I think we have a winner
Dorkswagen
I think SwastiCar works really well
Yeah, but that applies to the brand as a whole.
SyberSuck
Or SS for short
“Let them drive cake” because the thing looks like a bad slice of cake and we all know where things are headed.
Bonus double-entendre that what they’re driving is ass.
Heil Hauler
Hakenkruiser
SwastiCuck
You just need to seig heil harder, bro
I know it’s fun to hate on the CyberTruck (absolutely has deserved it), but I’d bet money on this being a 12v battery issue, maybe from improper storage? Only reason I say this is that I have a Kia Soul EV and it gave me pretty much the exact same warning the other day and refused to start. Turned out the 12v battery was dead and that causes all kinds of weird stuff to happen to the electrical systems in the car. Especially considering that the entire electrical system of the CT is consolidated into one wiring harness.
Also, knowing Tesla, attempting to jump the 12v would probably void a warranty.
The cybertruck is a 48v car with a lithium ion battery, not SLA. It’s not as likely to have a problem like a 12v SLA sitting too long.
It actually has 2 of them as well, altbough one is smallsr. Its a redundant back up for the steer by wire system in case 1 fails.
Many EVs do have a 12V. I have a Hyundai Ioniq 6 and they are known to have ICCU failures which cause issues that look exactly like this.
Edit: the cyber truck apparently doesn’t have a 12V but rather a 48V system. I’m not sure if this same issue or a similar one is happening, or something else entirely.
Most electric vehicles are required by law to lug around a standard 12V battery even though it’s redundant to the 30-60kw battery pack powering th le rest of it. And they’ll typically cheap out and go with a lead acid battery. On the upside they’ll often wire the vehicle to keep the starter battery topped off so the car actually starts, so those starter batteries tend to last much longer than they do in ICE vehicles
The law is probably about a 2nd battery for specific systems, not that it has to be a 12v, it’s just that up until now it’s all been 12v.
With modern cars having so many sensors, a dying battery can cause all sorts of weird, seemingly random issues. I have no idea it’s the problem here but it’s usually one of the first things I check when an issue isn’t obvious. Just because the battery starts the car (or does whatever it does in evs) doesn’t mean that the sensors, relays, and servos are getting the juice they need to operate correctly.
Ciphertruck.
