Ciphertruck.
You all love troubleshooting computer problems right? Well, we replaced everything in your car with computers so you can always be troubleshooting! Yay capitalism!
“Hello, Tesla support? Have you tried getting out and getting back in again?”
Is it plugged in? Unplug it!
In case you accidentally unplugged it while already plugged, do not unplug it a second time unless its before noon on a Tuesday.
Well, if computers worked as well as this shit you wouldn’t be using it to work tomorrow with billions other people.
Computerizing cars isn’t a bad idea in itself. Fuel injection, ABS, airbags and so mamy more features that make todays cars so much safer and less polluting all use computers to function. It’s just we live in an enshittification era.
Screens aren’t a bad idea either. Displaying diagnostic values or at least error messages is always preferred to just an LED or code on the odometer. Not everyone has OBD readers.
Touchscreens, though? GTFO.
I don’t even hate touch screens for the shit you need to be parked to do. For everything else give me buttons
Yeah, my parents got a Hyundai Kona last year and they’ve managed to balance physical buttons and a touchscreen pretty well. Hazard lights, windows, the AC, and all the steering wheel and stalk controls are physical. It’s not perfect but they also looked at a Volvo EX30 and that thing was basically a Tesla copycat. I would hate to drive one of those.
21 miles and screen absolutely covered in dust. These things must be sitting for ages and not selling. Not even a wipe down from the Tesla store.
Why clean it when they will buy it either way. Might even think its cool how “rugged” it looks.
Oh well, it sucks to be you, a Muskrat dick-sucker.
That screen is awfully dusty for a car you bought 10 minutes ago
Well, it still does have a protective foil on it and very few finger traces in the dust.
Still, the bottom corner of the film is peeling. Could have been sitting on a lot for a long time, but peeling like that after only a few test drives at most?
Edit: I ended up digging into his Twitter page and everything is legit. And I’m baffled.
Selfie:
SMS conversation with Tesla support (LOL):
Dropping it off:
“Your concern is closed.”
Ahaha the garbage customer service they sell these days.
Ahahaha, oh wow, that tech support exchange.
I’d expect the dealership to give it a quick detail before letting the customer drive away, even used car dealerships do that. But I guess when we’re talking about Tesla all bets are off.
You can’t detail a car in 15 minutes. Most places just vacuum and run a cloth around the dash. My guess is the Tesla dealer only does that if you ask or demand it, considering they love to cut corners.
It takes way more than 15 minutes to do the paperwork on a new car. If you’re getting a loan it might be the longest part of the whole experience.
I don’t think Tesla dealers work on commission (basing this entirely off the comment of a rando on this site without verification), so that would help explain it.
You’d think the dealership would step in though. If I bought a $100k vehicle I’d be beyond livid if it was delivered in that condition. The fact that it’s also broken is just a cherry on top
Tesla doesn’t have a dealer network, you’re buying direct. Their delivery and service quality is amusing at best.
But you’d never buy a cyber truck for 100k. Maybe not even for a tenth that. These have to be somewhat impulsive people right? The more you research on a Tesla the worse it gets.
You have a point. Even if I wanted one, I have nowhere to charge it. I’d only buy a cybertruck if I knew I could immediately turn around and sell it for a profit. But I’d fucking clean it first.
Well, if you own a big yacht and need an anchor, a $10K Chiphershit would be a good choice.
Haha. Yeah probably not. Look at what they aren’t paying for when making these now.
Oops, did they accidentally do the remote self-destruction on a vehicle that was already sold?
How the hell should I know?
I love that people think @elonmusk is a valid technical support approach
Having worked customer support, @ing company leadership is a valid method to get escalated to the highest tiers of support
Cabin climate control system requires service.
Am I reading that right? Do you need a connection to an external service to turn on the air conditioning?
I would definitely interpret that as in “needs to be serviced at a garage/dealer.”
Ah yes, that does make more sense, I’m a computer nerd so interpreted the wrong way. Still something’s clearly gone horribly wrong here.
I know it’s fun to hate on the CyberTruck (absolutely has deserved it), but I’d bet money on this being a 12v battery issue, maybe from improper storage? Only reason I say this is that I have a Kia Soul EV and it gave me pretty much the exact same warning the other day and refused to start. Turned out the 12v battery was dead and that causes all kinds of weird stuff to happen to the electrical systems in the car. Especially considering that the entire electrical system of the CT is consolidated into one wiring harness.
Also, knowing Tesla, attempting to jump the 12v would probably void a warranty.
The cybertruck is a 48v car with a lithium ion battery, not SLA. It’s not as likely to have a problem like a 12v SLA sitting too long.
It actually has 2 of them as well, altbough one is smallsr. Its a redundant back up for the steer by wire system in case 1 fails.
Most electric vehicles are required by law to lug around a standard 12V battery even though it’s redundant to the 30-60kw battery pack powering th le rest of it. And they’ll typically cheap out and go with a lead acid battery. On the upside they’ll often wire the vehicle to keep the starter battery topped off so the car actually starts, so those starter batteries tend to last much longer than they do in ICE vehicles
With modern cars having so many sensors, a dying battery can cause all sorts of weird, seemingly random issues. I have no idea it’s the problem here but it’s usually one of the first things I check when an issue isn’t obvious. Just because the battery starts the car (or does whatever it does in evs) doesn’t mean that the sensors, relays, and servos are getting the juice they need to operate correctly.
You just need to seig heil harder, bro
It is definitely a computer. Things just stop working for no obvious reason sometimes.
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Literally says on the screen “Exiting and Reentering vehicle might restore operation.” I hate the future.
For fuck sake
Lmao you HAVE TO exit and reenter the car to restart it? This is hilarious on so many levels.
Where does it say that? Can’t see anything.
It’s hard to see but the small notice on the left side with the warning symbol says it. The barely legible text at the bottom.
Ah thanks. I would not have been able to identify that, but makes sense.
He…he can’t help you. He’s the nepo baby of people who owned blood mines. He doesn’t actually know anything useful. Or care about you.
He’s also the grandson of a man who tried to overthrow democracy in Canada and was forced to flea.
Why would they make him go to a red hot chili peppers concert for trying to overthrow democracy in Canada?
Mentioning this on Twitter might bring it to his attention and since this is bad PR, he might expedite the complaint so that it gets fixed sooner. That’s probably the thinking here. I’ve seen it happen with companies before
More accurately, he’d ban you outright for daring to “lie” about his products having flaws
Lmao, imagine a car not working because of a software bug. That’s just pathetic.
I’d be shocked if anyone who works in IT would buy one. Already full up on troubleshooting.
That’s… Basically every car made in the last 15 years?
The worst bug I had on my car had the onboard computer not starting, and the screen remaining black. It meant I had: no GPS, no music, no backup camera, and no parking sensor.
But apart from that, the car was driving perfectly normal, and all the other features were working as expected.
My car has a 3 finger salute to force reboot the infotainment system.
Teslas also have a slaute to acess the infotainment system, except it uses the entire hand and arm
💀
Oh apparently I have something similar (5s press on the bottom left), it might have worked
My 2017 mini hasn’t had anything, even resembling that?
It’s got an ECU, you’re 1 computer bug away from being stranded.
My car is built in 2023 (2016 model) and has none of those “features”. The most high tech thing is a USB port.
Ah, so no ECU? No RFID engine interlock? No braking assist or lane keep?
I highly doubt it. Post your model. You’re 1 software bug away from a dead car.
Proton Saga 1.3, good luck.
You might be right but how common are those? Ive yet to have a car breakdown over an ECU bug/malfunction but its a small sample size.
Yes and?
Swastidumpster doesn’t really flow. We need alternatives for the cyberclunk. Anyone got suggestions?
Some people use WankPanzer.
Based on Grimes’ tweet maybe the pegwagon?
She said that was fake
And also we shouldn’t shame him for taking it up the ass. He wishes he was cool enough to get pegged
‘Deplorean’ is my personal fav followed by ‘Wankpanzer’
I think SwastiCar works really well
Yeah, but that applies to the brand as a whole.
Incel camino
IncEl Camino
glorious
Oh I like this one.
Hakenkruiser
Cybersuck?
Sorry, I meant names that acknowledge Elon’s nazi adoration, like swasticar.
Fashcan?
Dorkswagen
SyberSuck
Or SS for short
Heil Hauler
“Let them drive cake” because the thing looks like a bad slice of cake and we all know where things are headed.
Bonus double-entendre that what they’re driving is ass.
SwastiCuck
Put it in H!
It’s running low on crab juice.
14 hectares on a single tank of kerosene
