I’d like to tell you about a wonderful new invention, they call it “divorce.”
Yes exactly. No fault divorce is the simple and obvious answer.
That wasn’t an option for my mother or my grandmother. There was no way for a woman to initiate a divorce.
My mother couldn’t open a bank account in her name, she needed a man (her father, brother, or husband) to co-sign.
So “going out for cigarettes” also wasn’t easy, she could leave, sure, but once the cash she had in hand ran out, then what? Her income would still be going into her husbands bank account, she can’t change where the money goes because she doesn’t have any other bank account for her employer to pay into.
The Second wave feminist movement is what pushed to provide women the right to manage their own finances and affairs, and also gave us no-fault divorce laws.
So yes, “Quit blaming everyone else for all your problems and leave” is good advice for women who have the legal freedom to move about their country and be independent members of society. That hasn’t historically been the case, and it’s currently not the case for many women in many countries with different laws. Those women have fewer options, and rat poison is cheap.
Even with no fault divorce and the ability for women to own property, have a bank account, and work for an income paid directly to them,
There will always be individually nuanced situations that are more complex and don’t allow for an easy exit, especially when domestic violence or financial abuse is involved. (eg: I’m working disabled, my boyfriend holds my medical guardianship, hypothetically, if we mutually broke up, I couldn’t make a “clean break” until I got that legal loose end tied up, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to book a doctor’s appointment or get a flu shot without my ex-boyfriend’s signature, and transferring guardianship takes months, and money. During a mutual break up that’s okay, but if I needed to “leave him” and he didn’t want his affordable maid and nanny to go, I’d have an incredibly difficult time getting my life back to myself… But fortunately it’s 2024 so there is a process I can follow, not every woman has had those same rights to leave like I have.
Yes exactly. No fault divorce is the simple and obvious answer.
That wasn’t an option for my mother or my grandmother. There was no way for a woman to initiate a divorce.
My mother couldn’t open a bank account in her name, she needed a man (her father, brother, or husband) to co-sign.
So “going out for cigarettes” also wasn’t easy, she could leave, sure, but once the cash she had in hand ran out, then what? Her income would still be going into her husbands bank account, she can’t change where the money goes because she doesn’t have any other bank account for her employer to pay into.
The Second wave feminist movement is what pushed to provide women the right to manage their own finances and affairs, and also gave us no-fault divorce laws.
So yes, “Quit blaming everyone else for all your problems and leave” is good advice for women who have the legal freedom to move about their country and be independent members of society. That hasn’t historically been the case, and it’s currently not the case for many women in many countries with different laws. Those women have fewer options, and rat poison is cheap.
Even with no fault divorce and the ability for women to own property, have a bank account, and work for an income paid directly to them, There will always be individually nuanced situations that are more complex and don’t allow for an easy exit, especially when domestic violence or financial abuse is involved. (eg: I’m working disabled, my boyfriend holds my medical guardianship, hypothetically, if we mutually broke up, I couldn’t make a “clean break” until I got that legal loose end tied up, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to book a doctor’s appointment or get a flu shot without my ex-boyfriend’s signature, and transferring guardianship takes months, and money. During a mutual break up that’s okay, but if I needed to “leave him” and he didn’t want his affordable maid and nanny to go, I’d have an incredibly difficult time getting my life back to myself… But fortunately it’s 2024 so there is a process I can follow, not every woman has had those same rights to leave like I have.