Oh, come on. Weeks of talking and flirting (coworkers agreed) and she never mentioned a boyfriend. To be painfully clear, this isn’t a gender thing and anyone can lead someone else on to stroke their own ego. And that’s what this is (if it happened).
Why not? I’d return, apologize for the misunderstanding, and then laugh about it. Maybe bring a small gift, like cookies or something to share, and make it clear that you’re looking for friendship.
But completely bailing is kind of weird IMO, which tells me there’s more to the story.
I don’t necessarily agree she was leading him on. It was a miscommunication. It’s an extremely common story if men misinterpreting women’s behavior as pursuit when it is often just friendly. Even then, platonic flirting is a thing. If anon really intended for this to be a date, why did he at no point ask if she was single? We can sit here all day and debate whether the girl’s “flirting” was appropriate or not and whether she should’ve said she had a boyfriend, but it goes both ways. What we do know is that, to anon, this was a date and that anon never asked if she was single at any point in the two weeks.
I don’t disagree with you that anon should’ve asked more questions, but platonic flirting is kinda wacky without a well established rapport beforehand. Otherwise it’s just flirting, and can be confusing.
Why not ask? If a guy asks a girl (or vice versa) to go somewhere and it’s not abundantly clear it’s not a date (e.g. you’ve done similar things together before, they’re openly gay, or they explicitly said it’s not a date), then it should be assumed to be a date unless clarified otherwise. So if they don’t specify and you’re unsure, then ask.
That said, her leaving is also odd. A misunderstanding shouldn’t be a big deal. Show up the next day and laugh about it, and you’re golden. I wouldn’t be mad if that happened to me, nor should either anon or the girl. It’s just a misunderstanding, it’s really no big deal.
That’s just how social expectations are. I recommend you go ask a handful of single men you know (i.e. coworkers) whether they’d consider a 1:1 outing with a woman to be a “date.” I’m guessing most would say yes.
Exactly, they’re coworkers where OP isn’t certain if they were flirting or just being friendly, and other coworkers confirm she’s flirting. To me that means:
they don’t have a good enough relationship to tell the difference, so probably not “friends”
other coworkers don’t seem to experience the same thing
claims to not have other friends (surely she’d mention a BF, no?)
So to me, that sounds very much like she’s flirting, so it’s totally understandable for OP to consider it a date.
Yeah, no harm done, but she’d been leading him on for weeks. That’d make me pissed too.
Or she genuinely wanted a friend and anon is so attention starved he can’t see the difference.
I wouldn’t want to go back to that awkward situation either.
… so badly that you quit your job??
Oh, come on. Weeks of talking and flirting (coworkers agreed) and she never mentioned a boyfriend. To be painfully clear, this isn’t a gender thing and anyone can lead someone else on to stroke their own ego. And that’s what this is (if it happened).
You only have the incel’s account of things.
Why not? I’d return, apologize for the misunderstanding, and then laugh about it. Maybe bring a small gift, like cookies or something to share, and make it clear that you’re looking for friendship.
But completely bailing is kind of weird IMO, which tells me there’s more to the story.
I don’t necessarily agree she was leading him on. It was a miscommunication. It’s an extremely common story if men misinterpreting women’s behavior as pursuit when it is often just friendly. Even then, platonic flirting is a thing. If anon really intended for this to be a date, why did he at no point ask if she was single? We can sit here all day and debate whether the girl’s “flirting” was appropriate or not and whether she should’ve said she had a boyfriend, but it goes both ways. What we do know is that, to anon, this was a date and that anon never asked if she was single at any point in the two weeks.
I don’t disagree with you that anon should’ve asked more questions, but platonic flirting is kinda wacky without a well established rapport beforehand. Otherwise it’s just flirting, and can be confusing.
It’s also confusing being asked somewhere and never being told it’s being treated as a date.
thats valid! both people here were kinda shitty to each other
Why not ask? If a guy asks a girl (or vice versa) to go somewhere and it’s not abundantly clear it’s not a date (e.g. you’ve done similar things together before, they’re openly gay, or they explicitly said it’s not a date), then it should be assumed to be a date unless clarified otherwise. So if they don’t specify and you’re unsure, then ask.
That said, her leaving is also odd. A misunderstanding shouldn’t be a big deal. Show up the next day and laugh about it, and you’re golden. I wouldn’t be mad if that happened to me, nor should either anon or the girl. It’s just a misunderstanding, it’s really no big deal.
Why do you see a date as the default for men and women hanging out together?
That’s just how social expectations are. I recommend you go ask a handful of single men you know (i.e. coworkers) whether they’d consider a 1:1 outing with a woman to be a “date.” I’m guessing most would say yes.
Context matters: they’re coworkers.
Exactly, they’re coworkers where OP isn’t certain if they were flirting or just being friendly, and other coworkers confirm she’s flirting. To me that means:
So to me, that sounds very much like she’s flirting, so it’s totally understandable for OP to consider it a date.
You know you only have his side of this story right?
Speak for yourself