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ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 7 months ago

Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept

theonion.com

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  • cross-posted to:
  • chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
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Piss-Soaked Tucker Carlson Claims Demon Urinated On Him While He Slept

theonion.com

ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 7 months ago
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  • cross-posted to:
  • chapotraphouse@hexbear.net
BRYANT POND, ME—Describing the moment as a “transformative experience” that inspired him to embrace God and read the Bible, a piss-soaked Tucker Carlson claimed Friday that a demon had urinated on him while he was sleeping. “One moment I was asleep in bed, and the next, my boxers were absolutely soaked with what could only be the urine of […]
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  • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    I type lol a lot, but I need you all to know that I fucking HOWLED laughing at this. God damn is the new onion on point.

  • HowManyNimons@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    Ate the onion again!

    • iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works
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      7 months ago

      You must have missed what he actually did say recently, which this article is mocking.

      • HowManyNimons@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        Last I heard from him it was the “spanking”. You’ll excuse me if I don’t want to seek out more.

        • iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works
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          7 months ago

          Said that a demon scratched him in his sleep, and in the same breath says there were four dogs in his bed at the time.

          • HowManyNimons@lemmy.world
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            7 months ago

            😑

            • Rhaedas@fedia.io
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              7 months ago

              Yeah, that’s how the rest of us reacted too.

          • SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de
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            7 months ago

            That’s why you don’t take peanut butter into bed

    • archonet@lemy.lol
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      7 months ago

      deleted by creator

  • DickFiasco@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    I laughed so hard at this that a demon pissed on my pants too.

    • ZeroCool@slrpnk.netOP
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      7 months ago

  • mister_flibble@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    • HappyFrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      7 months ago

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAqkKbwvD1U

  • DogPeePoo@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    “The demon made me suck those men off too— and now my wife is pissed”

  • Lem Jukes@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    Hot damn the onions still got it.

  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works
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    5 months ago

    deleted by creator

  • Blackout@fedia.io
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    7 months ago

    Now this I believe

  • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works
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    7 months ago

    That Demon? JD Vance.

  • Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works
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    7 months ago

    Omg, a rare onion article that sounded absurd to me and didn’t fool me. Takes me back to the before time… member?

    • mako
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      7 months ago

      This is commentary on Tucker saying that a demon attacked him and clawed him up while he slept.

  • Valmond@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    Ah, a “wet” dream!

  • njm1314@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    Is that not what he actually said I thought it was?

    • Fuzzy_Red_Panda@lemm.ee
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      7 months ago

      That’s part of what makes it so great; the original story was equally insane.

  • Nougat@fedia.io
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    7 months ago

    Did Tucker happen to catch the most recent episode of The Casual Criminalist?

    • jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org
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      deleted by creator

      • Nougat@fedia.io
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        7 months ago

        Become consumed by the Whistlerverse.

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