I’m marking this as NSFW because I’m not super sure if this counts as discussing dysphoria. I don’t exactly know a lot about this if I’m being entirely honest. Feel free to tell me if this would have been fine or not :)
I’ve always considered myself a cis dude. I feel relatively comfortable as a dude I think. But there’s a lot of stuff that has me wondering things. For example, like a year ago I told one of my friends “Being a man is cool and all, but if I was given the reins at character creation, I would have chosen to be a woman.” That friend told me that was not very cis of me to say, and I kinda just wrote it off, but I still hold to that take as the way I feel. When I am falling asleep and I’m sort of day dreaming, I choose to daydream about the adventures of a female character I’ve invented. When I play video games, I almost always choose the female option if it’s given, because I found it’s easier for me to get into the story that way.
However, I feel totally fine being a guy. So like I don’t know if I’m gaslighting myself here, one way or the other. It’s kinda a thing where there’s a possibility I might be trans, but if I were to actually do it, I can’t tell if my life would get better or worse. I don’t think I would feel safe being trans in my area of the world, for example. So it’s like sure I might have chosen the female build in the game of life, but that’s not what RNG gave me, and maybe I’m okay with that?
This feels more like a discussion of not having dysphoria. Being trans does not require dysphoria.
Now this I did not know
There’s some common misconceptions. I’d say the “always knew” narrative is also really pushed, but the reality is many of us don’t realize until adulthood. Some don’t know until after they’re past middle-aged.
Used to have hangups over quibbling about what exactly “dysphoria” meant in “you don’t have to have dysphoria to be trans if you’d be happier transitioning” where I was like, “well, if they’d be happier transitioning, isn’t that dysphoria?” but language and gender are both social constructs and it’s whatever to me now. Ultimately nobody gets to define your gender but you. You don’t have to medically transition or change your presentation to have a different gender identity or change names or pronouns if you don’t want to, and you can pick and choose what changes you would like to make.
Yeah. I’m fine with either way of framing. Some mean dysphoria and euphoria to only refer to extreme negative and positive feelings respectfully. Others basically use dysphoria much more broadly.
I think the problem with the dysphoria framing comes from listener and speaker using different definitions. When you say things like “gender requires dysphoria,” many eggs are going to see that and assume you mean the my strict definition of dysphoria, which they might not experience. Or even are experiencing it, but since they don’t know anything else don’t realize it is dysphoria.
Well put, that was pretty much the jist of the hangup I used to have. Extreme “oh I’ve always known” type stuff had me shy away from understanding dysphoria for awhile since it wasn’t what I’d experienced exactly. Idk, gatekeeping bad, being happier with your own gender stuff good
That’s also good to know. Because I definitely haven’t “always known.” Not even in the slightest. So it’s confusing when I try to look up info and every blog post written by a trans person has a story where they always kinda knew.
I wouldn’t worry much about it. People who have already transitioned have the benefit of hindsight, and you haven’t and don’t. Once you’re on the other side it’s a lot easier to look at prior experiences through a new lens.
And everybody experiences sex and gender differently, anyways. My son loved wearing princess dresses when he was very young. And those stupid Hulk Hands gloves. He definitely didn’t KNOW then.
I didn’t consider I might not be cis until my late-20s personally. I only realized after I started questioning that I had signs and was totally oblivious to them before. I think some people legitimately know early. But I think there’s pressure to conform to that narrative when making cis-facing media because it seems to make a stronger case to cis people that its something innate and unchangeable.
For me, one of the big reasons I never seriously consider I might not be cis is because when I first learned being trans was an option (late high school, and I didn’t understand what transitioning entailed at all), I just assumed I was cis since I didn’t always know I wasn’t (even though I didn’t even know that was an option).
Some people retroactively reframe their experience after realizing it.
I strongly do not resonate with the narrative of “always knew since you were 3” but that doesn’t make me less trans per se, even if I might not experience dysphoria as acutely as said person
Like how a fish isn’t aware that it is currently wet, you might even have dysphoria and not even realize it because your so used to it. Think about what would truly make you happy. If that isn’t being a man, then you probably aren’t one.