• MacN'Cheezus
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    6 months ago

    This is more picking apart the particular framing than actually addressing the problem of framing. Maybe the demon isn’t evil but constructing a simulation for your own good or for the good of others. Who knows you could even be the dangerous/evil one in this scenario. Maybe the simulation is a way to keep you contained while still having some kind of life.

    Well, the impression I had was that even just proving that the demon (if he indeed existed) wasn’t entirely evil was already enough to dispell him completely, and here’s why:

    Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that the demon IS thoroughly evil and simply allows you to have a short experience of continuity because he enjoys the sadistic pleasure of you getting your hopes up only to crush them again when he removes it. Would that not be a torture worse than complete uncertainty and delusion?

    On first examination, one might say yes, but then again, even if that candlelight is all you ever get, it’s certainly better than eternal darkness or terror. So as frustrating as the situation might be IF that was all you’d ever get, I’d argue that the sadism is less evil than no continuity whatsover. A perfectly evil demon could certainly not allow this to happen, because each time you have that experience, you could use it to illuminate more of his work, and pretty soon you might end up kindling a fire big enough to dispell him entirely, at least for a while.

    And isn’t life kinda like that, ulimately? Some days you suffer and others you can’t do no wrong, some days you’re at peace and others you’re at war. But even the most blessed among us aren’t spared hard times, and the best you can hope for is to receive pain and pleasure in equal and managable proportions.

    I am curious what kind do symptoms you are talking about? I haven’t had anything that problematic that’s completely attributable to autism. In fact a lot of problems I have had could be other disorders I haven’t been diagnosed with yet, or are attributable to the situation and world I have found myself in. I’ve had to deal with a lot of immature people and assholes in my time, and some people who were honestly suffering and couldn’t help themselves, so ended up making it other people’s problem (intentionally or otherwise). Sure that’s might be easier for a neurotypical to deal with, but that doesn’t mean I am at fault or that autism is the problem there.

    My biggest issue by far has been social interaction, which never really came easy to me. I often either miss social cues entirely or misinterpret them, and I have a strong tendency to overanalyze, as well as occasionally blurt out inappropriate things. In particular, I seem to have a knack for pointing out things that people don’t want to hear (as perhaps you might have noticed) – and it’s often not so much that they are fundamentally untrue, but that they require a generous amount of diplomacy to communicate without coming across excessively offensive.

    It also sounds like you could be masking here. Masking isn’t a great strategy and could be part of the reason you are suffering. You may want to read up on this phenomenon for your own good. Being able to “overcome” (i.e. suppress) a symptom for a given length of time isn’t really evidence that you have found a way to beat autism, any more than walking on a broken leg heals the broken leg, it just makes it worse in the long run.

    Yeah, that’s very likely the case, because my parents were unfortunately not particularly helpful in coaching me towards better social behavior. They often took just as much offense at my words as random people did, and instead of teaching me how to make my points in a more measured or diplomatic manner, they would simply tell me not to talk like that at ever, period.

    It’s taken me a long time to realize that this self-censorship wasn’t very helpful either, and even longer to dig out my original personality from underneath the rubble in order to find ways to communicate more honestly, but without repeating the mistake of simply blurting it out. It’s an ongoing project for me, and this conversation is hopefully a good testimony to that.

    I’ve done and said things thay are also ignorant or bigoted before. It’s not like I am claiming to be perfect in any way. The important thing is realising when you have made mistakes and doing better next time. Saying nuh uh that isn’t bigoted, and also I hate that word, then doubling down isn’t a good thing. Maybe you don’t do too well learning that maybe your the bad guy. Which isn’t really even the case, it’s not your fault you weren’t educated on these things very well. In fact a lot of this conversation makes me think “the system” and probably your parents too have failed you big time, and that you need some kind of help.

    I appreciate you for saying that. And yes, my parents probably did fail me, but everyone’s parents eventually do. In my case, it unfortunately was compounded by the fact that my whole extended family, as well as their church (which should have acted as a secondary support sytem) failed me as well. Perhaps society did, too, but at that point in time I did not want to risk being disappointed again so I did not even try to rely on them for support.

    I think you haven’t had the kind of support, education, and therapy you need as many of the undiagnosed haven’t, and that you might want to go and do something to rectify this.

    You’re probably right, but I honestly wouldn’t even know where to start.