One of the fun parts about being trans is now there’s this name that the government and most strangers recognize me as that I and my close friends don’t, but every time I think about the fact that I have a deadname now, I keep getting struck by this strange feeling that my deadname never felt like mine, even through years of me actively using it as my name. I remember trying to change it was I was about 17 but I never did because I only tried to think of masc names. For as long as I can remember, I could never look at my deadname and feel like it was mine. I didn’t like it and it felt strange to even associate that name with me; I only ever did because the only alternative I could think of was just not having a name, which would have been a massive inconvenience. I never even really thought it was a bad name, I just hated it for me
Did anyone else ever feel like this or am I just crazy?
Had a classmate who I sat with every class for a semester. We never told each other our names. Was great (for reasons I couldn’t comprehend at the time). For someone you don’t need to talk about in any other contexts, its surprising not inconvenient
I didn’t ever really consider changing my name before. I thought it was fine most of the time… except when I was with other people with the same name and I felt sort out of place having that name (or maybe I’d have preferred them to all just change their names or be less masculine). Its not a deadname though.