I think it’s not all for people to suffer from things they don’t realize they’re suffering from because of the tendency to assume our own experiences are much like those around us. Many people with debilitating migraines, for example, just don’t realize that’s not just a normal thing everyone deals with. Likewise, many trans people just assume everyone else is masking, so that’s just a normal part of being part of a society. This is doubly true for ND trans people, whom would be taught to wear a mask whether they’re trans or not, but not exclusive to. Combine the tendency to normalize our experiences and dissociation to dull the sensations, and it’s easy to simply not realize it’s there until a light is pointed at it. Additionally, many of us lacked the language to describe our feelings: either totally unaware of option if being trans at a young age or having some transphobic or stereotypical “always known and clearly fit the expectations of their gender” trans image that you don’t want to be or don’t quite fit.
As for other people, it depends. Some may just accept it. No explanation needed (which is technically always the case imo).
Some may be enthusiastic but skeptical. My brother was in this camp - I’ve been pretty open about a lot of things with him, so I get why he would be skeptical when I suddenly brought that up. But he clearly wanted to be convinced and just wanted me to talk about myself. It’s what I wanted at the time because of my own uncertainty… I sorta wonder if he played the skeptic intentionally, knowing that’s what I wanted. In this case, the conversation involved more personal details, so no clue how it would go with someone I’m not comfortable going into details with.
For me, I think the easiest way to organize my thoughts was semi-chronologically, rather than by importance, because making judgements about what seems more or less important seems like effort. Going though and writing out your own thoughts before can probably be helpful. If for no one else, for yourself since you seem to be playing the role of enthusiastic skeptic.
I don’t have experience with coming out to transphobic people yet… only testing the waters. But you don’t really owe anyone an explanation. Best of luck with these people.
But I don’t feel like I was suffering silently or anything. I mean I guess I didn’t know it was an option, and when I did I was given a very genital focused view, but like idk. I am ND, but still.
Thank you, that helps. I know I don’t owe an explanation, I just want to help them understand. And understand myself.
Suffering doesn’t define being trans. I certainly wouldn’t use that word to describe my experience. The closest I would describe as that is when I was going through a similar experience as you of trying to prove to myself how trans I am. Can’t say I don’t think wonder about that, but the worry about it kinda faded into the background and figure I’ll take a step forward at a time and figure out labels later.
I know :kitty-cri: I didn’t mean to say it that way. But like, when I hear people talking about their experiences as a child it kinda sounds that way. Like they knew something wasn’t right, or they’d never be the gender they wanted to be. And I just don’t remember anything like that.
One of my favorite trans songs has the following intro:
I never wanted to be a princess
I never asked anyone to braid my hair
I never asked my mom to buy me things that I saw on the TV marketed towards girls
I never wanted to wear a dress
And I was never obsessed
With the color pink, or sparkling things
Unicorns or fairy wings
Gender never really meant that much to me
And its written by a trans woman. Gender is messy and realistic portrayals of it are harder to explain to cis people who’ve never had any reason to examine what gender means to them*. Its easier for people to sell the “Emily was adamant she was a girl since she could speak and did all the stereotypical girl things” narrative than to have a more nuanced discussion about how things are for many of us.
*besides women having to be aware of misogyny and threats to them that guys don’t have to think about.
I think it’s not all for people to suffer from things they don’t realize they’re suffering from because of the tendency to assume our own experiences are much like those around us. Many people with debilitating migraines, for example, just don’t realize that’s not just a normal thing everyone deals with. Likewise, many trans people just assume everyone else is masking, so that’s just a normal part of being part of a society. This is doubly true for ND trans people, whom would be taught to wear a mask whether they’re trans or not, but not exclusive to. Combine the tendency to normalize our experiences and dissociation to dull the sensations, and it’s easy to simply not realize it’s there until a light is pointed at it. Additionally, many of us lacked the language to describe our feelings: either totally unaware of option if being trans at a young age or having some transphobic or stereotypical “always known and clearly fit the expectations of their gender” trans image that you don’t want to be or don’t quite fit.
As for other people, it depends. Some may just accept it. No explanation needed (which is technically always the case imo).
Some may be enthusiastic but skeptical. My brother was in this camp - I’ve been pretty open about a lot of things with him, so I get why he would be skeptical when I suddenly brought that up. But he clearly wanted to be convinced and just wanted me to talk about myself. It’s what I wanted at the time because of my own uncertainty… I sorta wonder if he played the skeptic intentionally, knowing that’s what I wanted. In this case, the conversation involved more personal details, so no clue how it would go with someone I’m not comfortable going into details with.
For me, I think the easiest way to organize my thoughts was semi-chronologically, rather than by importance, because making judgements about what seems more or less important seems like effort. Going though and writing out your own thoughts before can probably be helpful. If for no one else, for yourself since you seem to be playing the role of enthusiastic skeptic.
I don’t have experience with coming out to transphobic people yet… only testing the waters. But you don’t really owe anyone an explanation. Best of luck with these people.
But I don’t feel like I was suffering silently or anything. I mean I guess I didn’t know it was an option, and when I did I was given a very genital focused view, but like idk. I am ND, but still.
Thank you, that helps. I know I don’t owe an explanation, I just want to help them understand. And understand myself.
Suffering doesn’t define being trans. I certainly wouldn’t use that word to describe my experience. The closest I would describe as that is when I was going through a similar experience as you of trying to prove to myself how trans I am. Can’t say I don’t think wonder about that, but the worry about it kinda faded into the background and figure I’ll take a step forward at a time and figure out labels later.
I know :kitty-cri: I didn’t mean to say it that way. But like, when I hear people talking about their experiences as a child it kinda sounds that way. Like they knew something wasn’t right, or they’d never be the gender they wanted to be. And I just don’t remember anything like that.
One of my favorite trans songs has the following intro:
And its written by a trans woman. Gender is messy and realistic portrayals of it are harder to explain to cis people who’ve never had any reason to examine what gender means to them*. Its easier for people to sell the “Emily was adamant she was a girl since she could speak and did all the stereotypical girl things” narrative than to have a more nuanced discussion about how things are for many of us.
*besides women having to be aware of misogyny and threats to them that guys don’t have to think about.
:kitty-cri: I’m not crying, you’re crying. That really hits home for me.
It would be so much easier to sell to people. I know I don’t need to sell it but… It would be nice to have an easily digestible story.
Anyway, thanks for talking with me. It helps a lot.