Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
So long as you are not seeking harm to the child or the parents, or imposing your will on them, you’re good. You don’t have to like kids at all. You’re free to despise them, rationally or irrationally.
If I don’t want a kid in my presence, I’m not forced to tolerate that kid’s bullshit. I’m free to leave. And, I avail myself of that freedom from time to time, whether that is skipping an aisle in a grocery store, walking out of a restaurant, leaving a party, or even a funeral. I owe nobody an explanation; they can think I’m odd, or an introvert, or an ingrate. I don’t need to live up to their expectations.
Knowing that it is my choice relieves a lot of my spite and anger. Knowing that I am perfectly free to get up and leave at any time and for any reason means every second I stay is my own decision, and totally within my control.