ryepunk [he/him]

Thank you for the kind words. I always feel imposter syndrome and rarely feel like anyone except my partner ever says they value me so it’s real hard to get up and get to work day after day.

My ex had something going on, I tried to respect them as much as possible and was always supportive to help them get jobs or even just the effort of applying for jobs. Possibly ADHD, anxiety issues as well, they switched meds a few times when were together. We also ended up having completely opposite sex drives which soured things pretty badly, they also were really against masturbation which was very stressful for me. Although possibly I just wasn’t paying enough attention to their needs and desires, I feel like I could have tried harder but work and everything and well maybe I could have been better?

I know they spent days sitting in bed feeling bad about not helping out, but eventually it becomes hard to feel sorry when I’m completely burned out from work. I once heard that we all have batteries and eventually they drain and yea at a certain point I did find it very hard not to be bitter at them being at home so much and able to play games watch streams and movies and tv shows.

We split up when they were in a decent place, they had been working consistently for about a year by that point and they had initiated talks that they no longer cared for me and thought of me more as a roommate or friend. And then I tried to make it work, tried to get a better job (that was what caused me to try looking into teaching English before covid put that whole thing on the backburner for 2 years). I hope they’re doing well. They had a good job the last time we spoke.

Hey thanks for reading through my post. Appreciated it.

Why have you done this to me

I think 5 or 6, I’ve been at my current job for 17 years because I learned I don’t really find any form of work any better than another so something simple and tedious is better than difficult but fulfilling and I cannot handle responsibility I run in terror when it is given to me.

Grocery store - cashier then got promoted to front end supervisor and they wanted to fast track me into management when I was twenty, but I quit because I abhor responsibilities.

Different grocery store, I quit after a day because there was no real guidance on what to do that first day.

Future shop (Canadian best buy before best buy bought and killed it) - I was in computer department, and selling shit to people because I would get a better commission felt really scummy. My boss was a dick who kept trying to get me to flirt with girls despite seeing me being uncomfortable, and a manager scolded me thoroughly my first shift being left without supervision because I went for lunch without checking in something I was not told I had to do. So I quit after like 3 weeks.

A different grocery store that had an electronics department, where I’ve been for the past 17 years - my department has shifted from having a sizeable portion of the store with tvs, video games, and cameras, movies, music. To eventually being just games, to eventually the department was closed and I got transferred into seasonal, which eventually got folded into housewares and seasonal and toys and whatever electronics we still happen to carry (mostly batteries and whatever games Nintendo ships us). It’s okay mostly, but harder on the body as I approach 40. I feel like I’m going to break at some point and just be unable to work anymore. It is unionized though so hopefully I could get an accommodation. I have served as a union shop steward and sit on the health and safety committee. But I basically got volunteered for both and was too afraid to say I don’t want to do this. After ten years of steward thing I resigned from it, incredibly stressful role often having to see employees get fired for things they didn’t realize was technically theft. No warnings ever given once they caught you and often times I would need to spend 4 or 5 hours writing paperwork and statements to union about meetings and it basically wiped me out for a week or two if I had one. I still sit of health and safety though.

Worked on a startup games website and podcast through some online mutuals; that revealed I don’t want to do that, but I was also working at the grocery store so it probably impacted it, if it was paid and I could have only worked on the games stuff it might have been better, but turning a leisure outlet into work production is brutal and it felt like I could never turn off and enjoy life anymore. Also the mutuals who were running the site slowly revealed to be more chud like than I thought so I have slowly melted away from them.

Teaching English as a Second language for high school immigrants (mostly from mexico and japan and Korea). I got my certificate to this right before covid started so had to wait until 2023 before they started practicums. They hired me once I finished that for summer school classes and immediately found myself overwhelmed and shockingly underpaid despite making over 40 bucks an hour. Mostly because I had like 3 - 4 hours of prep time for a class, which I didn’t get paid so I was making about the same as my grocery store job, with a significantly longer commute, more stress. So after subbing for the winter semester I declined to take a larger role with that job.

Nothing I do has ever felt good, or let me feel comfortable, but I continue to need to work. And during 2014 until 2021 I had a mortgage that I was often paying off by myself because my ex would get tired of their job and quit or work so badly until they fired them (so they wouldn’t have to bother quitting which is funny but kind of rude to me), so during those 7 years I think I had maybe 3 weeks of vacation.

Akhenaten, you gotta love some who tries to tear down the old system and build something new. Was it dismantled and returned to the old system? Sure, but points for trying. I don’t love that he abandoned dope cool Egyptian polytheism, for a weird worship of the Atun, as a singular god. But you rebel at what is before you, so down with the old gods, up with a new one!

The only thing I hate more than AGILE or any other workplace words, is the rock headed coworkers who try to defend it.

I played the Lakehouse for Alan Wake 2, which was quite short (3 hours) but it was high quality, with some excellent gameplay modifications to basically let you turn off combat (one shot kill, invulnerable, infinite ammo, infinite flashlight power) so I was able to ignore an apparently terrible boss fight.

It’s a pretty obvious stab from remedy at the notion of using AI to mimic art, but I love when the subtext becomes the text itself so I enjoyed it.

Continuing through master rank monster hunter rise. Beta for wilds begins tomorrow though so I’ll sample the various weapons and try to figure out what weapon I’ll focus on this game (I’ve played hammer, sword and shield, dual blade, light bowgun, switch axe and charge blade) I’m leaning towards hunting horn I think, but might want to try heavy bowgun, and great sword is always tempting.

Nice of you to stop by and offer us some unprompted advice that we’ve totally never heard before.

Causally reading my city’s subreddit and the really just jumped out as I was reading a story about police recovering alot of stolen items from one homeless guy. The usual, “oh why can’t we solve this?” Without any clue, suggestions of more police, more mental health institutions, except the heavily down voted guy who said the obvious “give them homes!” That pissed off all the people who I assume are threatened by people having safe places to live.

The thing that really broke my brain was a heavily upvoted comment about how we really need to set these bad folks straight, you know break them through work, and literally wrote out “work shall.set them free”. And I’m done with my local subreddit for a long while now. 50 upvotes, the guy who calls it out as being a fucking literal Nazis concentration camp motto is down voted and I can’t even anymore.

Final dlc for Alan Wake 2 is out so I’m going to give that a try and hope it is full of tasty lore nuggets that crave for the control universe.

And next week we get the monster hunter wilds bets so that will be consuming my time for a week.

Haha, yeah sometimes it feels like I’m commenting then deleting just because I like the effort of thinking out something and writing it down, but I have no desire to communicate with others.

It happens on Reddit way more because the libs will steadfastly refuse to learn anything so there’s no reason to comment because they’ll clutch their pearls when you try and explain how the world actually is to them.

I was literally tempted to delete this because, do I want the massive social commitment of one or two people commenting on my comment?

we cannot have america without a strong republican party

I watched Vinny from nextlander play through it and it’s really a great game.

Oh no… I hate it.

Except, it isn’t going from 80k to 130k instantly. It’s going to 89k, then 96k and so on. Only reaching 130 by the very end of the 6th year. Which might be good if inflation behaves, but if things keep going badly (ie workers continue to get big raises) then the inflation managers at the fed will punish labour some more to make those wage increases meaningless just like they did to the wage gains from over the pandemic.

The next patch is coming any day now!

I tell myself this every day for the last month because I want to see what comes next so badly.

It is very very funny to me that the AAA gaming industry has basically made their own projects completely untenable to produce because they need so many engineers and artists producing the highest fidelity content and engines possible and so now they need like at minimum 500 people over a 4-6 year period to produce a game that typically has the exact same gameplay as something produced 15 years ago. And they’re like “wow we need to raise the price of games to compensate for all this added cost we added to the production of our games”. And the solution is right there, quit wasting time with chasing constantly new art assets and better engines, and just reuse the shit you already have. Fromsoft and RGG (Yakuza devs) ship more games with more interesting things than all the western AAA publishers produce in ten years. And they need like 8 months of patches to make them actually run anyways.

Oh and let’s not forget most consumers probably can’t even tell the difference between 1080 and 420, let alone 4k versus 1080. I know all my normie family over the age of 50 can’t. So they’re pursuing ever higher graphical fidelity for literally no reason.

The industry is a joke. Indie games are all I need.

It’s probably worse. Nickelback came from Alberta. And Jordan Peterson. I can’t think of anyone good this god forsaken province has produced.

Death to america. It’s support to the Zionist cause is evidence that more 9/11’s are needed.

Let’s not insult

He’s a fountain of charisma compared to

Love me some mother mother. Glad I got to see them perform back in like 2011.