SadStruggle92 [none/use name]

while there is obviously a power dynamic between differently aged people

IDK, I feel like that’s an incomplete proposition, to some extent at least.

The things that typically make for an “power-dynamic” in a relationship, like accumulated personal wealth, social experience, social networks & ones overall position in society are all to some extent or another correlated with age to some extent. But y’know, none of those are necessarily guarantees; at least not within the specific age-range specified in the post at any rate.

Insufficient concentrations of Orgone Energy is my bet.

It doesn’t change the fundamental problem (and yes I do think that this is a kind of problem) that everything is still ultimately, mainly determined by ones APM abilties.

The big problem is that a lot of this is stuff that I’ve genuinely been trying to work hard on for the last 4-5 years, and not only has it not really changed anything socially about my life (although I have been slightly more stable in employment), it’s all come crashing down on me lately. I got a real bad leg injury (like, probably gonna require surgery to reattach something bad) in the course of keeping up with my regular weight-training routine & my work, and not only is it costing me a lot of money, but it’s also prevented me from moving forward with my life (i.e. getting my own place closer to work).

I’m also someone who didn’t have a lot of opportunities growing up, I don’t feel. I come from, & still live in, a small & relatively poor community, and I myself lived in a trailer park until I was about 12. I’ve also got ASD, and it’s significant enough that I got diagnosed very young & spent nearly all my school years in special education; and where I went to school they were very big on physical restraint & isolation as punishments. My parents, just as well, had a lot of their own problems & were not generally able to pay attention to what was going on with me, or my sister (who has had a whole host of problems on here own). I never had a lot of chances to make friends with people in my time, and when I have tried most don’t seem to care for my company, or my particularities. Admittedly some of that is my own fault though I suppose, as I was not a very happy or positive person for a very long time, and in a lot of ways I’m still not most of the time though I still try & do what I think is right.

I suppose for all of those reasons I don’t really have the ability to be as naturally “attentive” as people might ask or expect of me; and that makes me very dubious of my ability to ever really be a part of society.

…

I’m not sure how I want to conclude this now as it’s close to my bedtime, and I’m running out of brain-power to formulate & connect ideas with; but I hope you can figure out what I’m trying to get at here.

But imo taking it super serious and cutting yourself off from humanity because you got caught in an alienation feedback loop is really depressing to me.

I gotta be honest, I feel like I’ve been stuck in one of these for the last 20 years. I do not know what to do, and it is very unpleasant. :doomer: