Orannis62 [ze/hir]

Starting to get a bit worried about my hrt.

I had an AWFUL winter for a lot of reasons, it wasn’t solely down to my hormones. But my hormones were def a contributing factor. I was taking injections and my estradiol levels were way too high and I always felt like shit. But I also felt like I couldn’t lower the dose because then it always ran out before the end of the week, and taking more frequently always caused my levels to skyrocket even when I adjusted the dosage to compensate.

I’m taking estradiol by pill now and it’s way way better, I feel good. But I’m not going back on spiro for a number of reasons, and I’m beginning to suspect my T levels are rising because I get morning wood occasionally. I know you can’t really do estrogen monotherapy with pills, and I’m worried about my T levels, but I’m also feeling so good rn that I’m not sure I want to change anything.

Idk if it’s because I changed my hrt dose/method or because seasonal depression is finally lifting (prob both) but I’ve felt SO GOOD physically over the last few weeks. Like I’m bubbly and bouncy and loud and I love it.

Also, finally comfortable wearing a dress in public- 2 years into my transition and it finally happened, I get to feel cute now. Interesting how much of my resistance to that was internal- in my most intense period of questioning before the one that led to my egg cracking, I actually bought a dress just to see, and I didn’t feel anything and I went back deeper into the closet. It feels like I’m finally getting the feeling I was expecting to get then

Oh also I’ve been gone from here for a couple months because I was getting really wrapped up in just super intense transmisogymy on tumblr. That part wasn’t so good

Lmao I remember being obsessed with the demo of this game, then finding out the actual full game was mediocre and losing interest.

It’s available on ps plus, I tried it again recently and it’s genuinely not good tbqh

They would say that trans people not coming up at all would be an escape from transphobia lol

libs like you

Speaking of the Wachowskis, their first movie, Bound, is a lesbian crime thriller that like. After watching it I don’t understand how anyone ever thought they were men. I know one of the Wachowskis is straight but like. This movie was the most Seen a movie ever made me feel as a lesbian

What would you consider the most democratic governments? Give me a couple examples

Abstaining is how voting can have leverage. Voting only has leverage if politicians can’t take your vote as a given

Yeah honestly. There’s a focus on Letting People Figure It Out For Themselves that like, I understand, but I think it goes too far at times.

Plus, it matters who it comes from. I find that a lot of repetition of the “prime directive” and anger at egg jokes etc from cis people comes from a place not of not pressuring someone, but of “how dare you, this person is NORMAL and you shouldn’t insult them by insinuating they’re like you”

Suffer how exactly?

Couldn’t you saying he’s cis be projection?

Oh thank god

Did you read the piece at all

This hit me really hard tbqh

And I’m thinking about how this ties into modern egg joke discourse, because I’m very online. Lot of discourse on twitter and tumblr about how joking that someone might be an egg, even in a way they won’t see and exclusively to other transfems, is this awful thing. Get people talking about it enough and it becomes pretty clear that a pretty significant part of it comes down to like “how dare you see yourself in this person and how dare you ever suggest they could be a worthless transfem”. Like they treat it as a deep insult in a way that’s really revealing.

And like, there are shitty egg jokes, don’t get me wrong. But I feel like there’s a part of them that is like “god, I wish someone had recognized these behaviors of mine that were in retrospect a cry for help. I wish people had seen me for who I really was and told me and saved me.” And I feel like looking at someone like Cobain this way serves a similar purpose.

Beyond the fact that there is legitimately some really compelling evidence and beyond the idea of breaking the cisnormative assumption that anyone who didn’t explicitly say they’re trans must be cis, this kind of thing feels like “I see my experiences in him and I wish we could have saved him” more than anything, to me. Like, I wish he could have been in transfem communities as they existed at the time and I wish he’d had someone to tell him it wasn’t shameful, because honestly if I’d been that age at that time I might have gone a similar way

There’s a bit in Nixon’s tapes where he’s talking to IIRC Kissinger and McNamara and says “all men imagine themselves as women, right?” and is very distressed when they say no.

But uh, let’s not claim Nixon please

There is and this doesn’t go into some of the more obvious clues. He wrote some extremely revealing things in his diaries

And like this person said, I see a LOT of my own pre-transition experiences in him

Fyi, Ana uses he/him and xie/xer pronouns

It’s a copypasta

You are a serf. Bitch, you live in Alsace. You are a peasant. You need to give your fuckin’ lord the grain. Your fucking children, you’ve had 15 children. You’ve never taken a bath. You’ve literally never. washed. your. penis. You’ve never used toilet paper. Motherfucker, you have worms. You are dying. You’ve had 40 children, 3 of them are alive. 2 of them are child soldiers in the Duke’s army.

Bitch, the greatest thing you can hope for is to die at the old age of 36. You fucking can’t read. You don’t know what TV is. If you were transported into today, you would be the worst gamer of all time. You don’t know shit. You literally probably don’t even know what the direction ‘left’ is. I’m sure some Medieval guy is gonna get mad at me for this, bitch I’ve been to the Renaissance Fair. I’ve eaten a large turkey wing, which the Juggalos call ‘bitch beaters’, which I think is problematic but a funny thing to call them.

Motherfucker, you gotta recognize where you are, and then you gotta get passed that. You gotta be unemotional. You can’t sink into this hole. You live in the oubliette. Your job is to crawl up the ladder, motherfucker. You live in the HOLE. You’re in the HOLE. You are a RAT. And the rat, when he’s in the hole gets fucked. People only throw trash in the hole.

You need to eat a body. And you need to carry the plague. And you need to carry a plague around this whole world, that will change this whole fuckin world. And all your enemies will vomit black bile and will choke on blood and will grow boils and die. But only if you get together with your other RATS. And you come up with some kind of super plague, to fuckin end your enemies and…

End. This. Nightmare.

The research did find some genes associated with traits like human sociability and howling frequency.

Oh cool, that last part was the only even slight counter-argument I have. There’s a youtube channel I like that’s just a dog groomer grooming dogs, and the most reliable thing to expect is that if she’s grooming a Husky, it’ll start howling like mad.

All other dog breed stereotypes being bullshit is something I can easily accept.

V*ush browsing Hexbear on stream lmao

lmao that happened?