this might be terrible advice. Maybe since you have PTSD you are dealing with your body going into freeze mode when threatened, but you really need to get more fight mode. Practicing hitting for real and sparring will definitely help condition you to automatically respond when threatened, i have experienced this when i’ve been forced to self defend. It is automatic now.

I think just build up to making it feel safe to spar and feel angry. I feel like when i was stuck in feeling frozen from PTSD, i wouldn’t even let myself feel anger because it was too dangerous for me, so maybe you’re in the same place? Yeesh i’m terrible at this.

If you can’t imagine hurting them over self-defense, maybe try imagining hurting them over some imagined defense of others. When sparring, as long as you’ve got safety equipment on, you’re good to go. it’s great practice for learning. If it’s too real to think of it as real self defense, just think of it as a fun game like fencing to get yourself into it, that lets your body learn how to move and gets your brain time to warm up to the idea of actually hurting another person.

You could try reading some black panther’s theory about self defense and seeing if any sticks with you into why it’s good actually to be ready to hit back. I’m kicking myself because i don’t remember exactly the title i’m thinking of, but Black Against Empire is great, or maybe it was Against Civility. There’s also a citations needed about nonviolence somewhere, i’m sure it’s in the podcasts directory or here’s the transcript.

Anyway, here’s “In defense of self defense” by comrade Huey Newton

“the oppressor has no rights that the oppressed is bound to respect. Kill the slavemaster, destroy him utterly, move against him with implacable fortitude. Break his oppressive power by any means necessary.”

Tiktok isn’t an app for kids, i don’t want to be ageist - it’s for all ages and everyone can have fun on there. But the way tiktoker’s talk on tiktok and other platforms with their cutesy little euphemisms for violence and sex does make me think every time “Ah, they’re used to the kiddie app”, because it’s making grown adults be afraid to talk about adult topics.

This is just the fault of censorship and not the app or the users, but it is literally sanitized kiddie language and feels very out of place and hard to take seriously on websites that don’t have that censorship.

so amerikkkans paid to have their own data stolen

I’m doing good but cold brrrrr

Deep on my garden grindset, at least until the ground froze. I’ve been doing a ton of research on veganic gardening while i’m trapped inside. I’m motivated to find a job, looking every week but haven’t found the perfect one to swap to yet. My job is fine, i just feel like it’s lowkey misogynist and not what i want to be doing for the rest of my life so i can ride it out until i find a better one.

I want the world to change so much yet there are so many fighting that. It hurts at times, but it feels empowering when you realize that despite that, you can actually do a lot as one person. Maybe i can’t change the world, but i can make it more pleasant for those around me in a limited capacity. And maybe that’s fine. Maybe if everyone did that, we’d be okay. If nothing else i can do is offer solidarity to someone to needs it, at least i’ll have done something.

I like this recipe https://monsonmadethis.com/vegan-scalloped-potatoes/

but we’ll use sunflower seeds instead of cashew (cheaper) and probably red potatoes instead of Yukons. Also not sure if we have bullious lol, so we’ll just make our own herbs

yum

Chinese people have been making plant based umami tofu since before fictional Jesus Christ was around

There’s literally no reason to bring a pig into it when you could just use mushrooms or something else for umami flavor

Crackkkers trying to reinvent the soy wheel, badly, with more animal cruelty

Soy doesn’t need to be tastier, carnists just need to learn to use spices instead of being crackkkers

Also there’s literally no way pig genes can be harvested ethically

“Lab grown meat will fix everything” is what i’ve been hearing since i’ve been a child and it serves as a way for animal killers not to have to make any changes until the government somehow fixes everything for them. Just as a liberal waits for a illusionairy competent leader to vote for to lead them to a better world, a liberal waits for a corporation to produce food for them to eat that’s less bad.

The solution to animal cruelty already exists: just do it yourself and eat some delicious fucking beans.

wait, i can use bean water for my plants? Oh shit that makes a lot of sense! Is it nitrogen enriching?

based and anti clock pilled

Nah but fr if you think about it, it’s like clickbait innit but it just kinda means if no one was under work quotas/everyone did things at their own pace then there’s less need for knowing what specific time it is. Deadlines wouldn’t really exist, you’d just kinda get used to doing things by routine or sunlight. Indigenous cultures kind of do this, have a lot less focus on the clock and are happier for it.

There’s this youtube vid called the Tyranny of the Clock that describes it really well

i will live forever gets immediately run over by a carbrain

Nice

Thinking about how plant eaters have a 31% lower risk of cardio disease mortality and 18-25% lower risk of all-cause mortality

Good post, thanks for effortposting about this.

also yeah, highly disappointing when a social movement for equality conveniently leaves people out. Like believe me, i’m still happy to call myself a communist and critically support China against western imperialism, but uhh they could have been a lot better about gay rights. I mean, i don’t think any nation holds actually up the standard for what i want for trans people. Still think they could all do better even if they’re doing relatively good in other areas, regardless of if it’s a country i like or dislike.

The same is unfortunately true for other social movements, disabled people are really left out of every conversation about equality all the time. Like, gay people can get married, but disabled people can’t, because they’ll lose their benefits most of the times. And then it’s expected that your able bodied partner has more to say about what happens to your body than you do.

Anyway, i’m not trying to make excuses for past oppression by saying this. There’s really no excuse to leave marginalized groups behind when it comes to furthering equality. The world has gotta get better, and we gotta build it. It’s lib shit to leave some groups out or treat them differently.

Also,

A maximum permissible portion of Roma per community was set at 5%

jesus

that’s absolutely fucked, death to amerikkka

like why would you eat bugs when you’ve got a perfectly good, protein-filled non-bug bean option right there. Fucking weird tbh

lol our beloved Citations Needed boy owning him

First i believed it was her, because of the name & ocean interests & weird “haha just wondering about consent laws in america with teens even tho i’m claiming to be a malaysian man”, then someone pointed out this account posted the date Ghislane was at Chelsea Clinton’s wedding and i was like. Alright, she probably couldn’t have done that then, unless she like found a 3rd party scheduler. But now i’m back in the but what if tho zone, because it’s been so long.

Honestly even if that person isn’t Ghislane, a bunch of people saw their creepy pedo comments. It even made internet news and made it off reddit. I can see why they would stay away… tho they’re also a mod so idk, i’d just yeet that acct and start over with a new acct. The other mods are clearly participating in whatever is going on, either taking real or faking screenshots and speaking up for them so like. They could easily get back on the mod team or whatever. There’s also that /worldnews is banning anyone for mentioning that user, but tbh that’s just probably normal pedos looking out for other pedos.

The Epstein brain really takes its toll but at least it gives me a few minutes respite from thinking about how much i hate living in america