(Or, hell, another nation while Iā€™m dreaming šŸ˜… :-\ ) Walls of backstory (possible to make a cross-instance link? Doesnā€™t seem so): https://pawb.social/post/8062162 https://pawb.social/comment/7374899

Short backstory: Broken critter, 34 Earth-around-Sol-goings old, probably agoraphobic (as in fear-of-crossing-thresholds, not fear-of-public-spaces) and AuADHD. Stuck living with ā€œfamilyā€ but now theyā€™re abusive and near-violent. Called cops on me, tried to throw me out with nothing miles from the nearest town, threatened to cut off my Internet access as if keeping me from working out how to leave is the best way to make me leave. Hatefool logic stuff šŸ™„, bullies both.

This-post story: Is there anycritter who can
-Pick me up when I figure out where to go and/or give me/point me at a safe place to stay (am currently in northeastern Oklahoma, outside of a little town about forty minutes from Tulsa), or
-Help paw-holdguide me through figuring out how to settle in somewhere safer, even a decent* roommate who can maybe help me find the best places to go/be/work/eat/live/etc.?, or
-Just straight-up flee somewhere with me and help work stuff out together? Weird scary idea, sure, butā€¦ whatever I guess. Not as scary to me as going it alone, I think maybe. May be able to help financially, even. Probably ridiculous to even think any of this but itā€™s a nice dream to just hop on a bus/plane/silt strider and piss off with somecritter to greener pastures šŸ¤· ā€¦Presumably flipping every single bird at where we came from.

If not that, some advice on how much things even cost could be really useful. What does it cost to move these days? In time and US Dollars, particularly. And phone calls. Those are terrifying. Anyway Idunno what kind of budget to expect beyond single, discrete things. $100-350 bus fare to Minneapolis, $150-400 air fare depending on when. $60ish per night for a cheap hotel room near here, plus a $100-200(?) deposit I may not get back that apparently isnā€™t mentioned very upfrontly. Those I can just look up but getting a full mental picture of like, a 25-hour bus trip including food/drinks, the bus fare itself, stuff Iā€™ve not even thought of yetā€¦??? Iā€™d prefer to fly if I can, but then maybe I need a hotel somewhere because of a cancelled flight, and either spend twice as much on the ticket or have to find somewhere to stay for a bit over two weeks, and cab fare to get to the hotel if I need one (or more!), andā€¦ ugh!

PS: Sorry this is all really weird and maybe creepy. Iā€™m really weird so maybe itā€™s not unfair to be upfront about that šŸ˜… but also Iā€™m ā€œa littleā€ unsettled by this mess so Iā€™m just kinda blurting things out hoping something makes sense and maybe helps :-\

*ā€œDecentā€ in terms of interpersonal respect and whatnot, not likeā€¦ ā€œnot weirdā€ or something. Certainly not the video game, thatā€™s Descent.

Update 27th March, 03:36 CDT/08:36 UTC
Just gonna talk to myself for a sec, I guess. Probably nocritter else up at this hour. šŸ˜“ Welcome to my diary! Or rather, you now are my diary. Congrats! Itā€™s an odd role. So, every dayā€™s a hell of a trip, and not a fun one. Hours of bad followed by struggle. Just now finally got around to doing some work. Bets on whether I make it? šŸ¤· Helps to talkā€¦donā€™t wanna drag anycritter down šŸ¤· Bleegh. Anyway, turns out stuff is big and space for packing stuff is not. Gotta figure out how much I can handle carting around, maybe see if I can find (and get) my carry-on luggage-thingle. Easiest just to cram what I can into a backpack and big-luggage I guess. Already have a couple of each in here. Was using them as catchalls <.< What goes, what staysā€¦ ugh. Very ugh. Triple hyper ugh! And the checked luggage feesā€¦ damn. Hurts being alone, in every way. Chatting yesterdayish was nice, just sad and quiet now. Am just crying out loud I guess šŸ¤·

Could still really use:

  1. Somewhere to stay: for a week or a day (or until mid-next month when air fareā€™s better, but whoā€™s wishing for miracles? Oh, itā€™s me.)
  2. Somewhere to go: could be somecritterā€™s weird wiggly wroommate šŸ¤· Else maybe advice on where to look for an apartment. Idunno if ā€œcheap and walkableā€ is a thing that exists but Idunno how the hell Iā€™m gonna be able to get around šŸ¤· Currently just assuming Iā€™m going to Minneapolis. No freaking clue what to do after that beyond looking for a box to hide in and snatching up like, a bowl and something cheap and edible to put into it. ā€¦ What a ridiculous ā€œprincess experiences real lifeā€ movie Iā€™ve got going on here šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø Anyone want a weird ugly pet to take care of šŸ˜…
  3. Maybe even just some company? At this point even a voice call sounds great. Fair warning: might just cry the whole time. Am already doing that, in fact.
  4. I still wish somecritter would just come rescue me but I totally didnā€™t say that 'cause itā€™s scary I guess šŸ¤· šŸ˜¶ā€šŸŒ«ļø

Will even accept cis people! Only asked here because Iā€™m a little bit familiar around here and canā€™t bring myself to ask anywhere else.

Also, how does one get, say, a bunch of groceries from a shop to a home without a car to store it in? Just haul a bag or two at a time, make multiple trips if needed? Seems like thatā€™d get unwieldy and dangerous really fast, even with like, only two bags but there are cans in there so they canā€™t both be in one hand so likeā€¦ šŸ™€ Kindof a shower thought I guess. Still hoping to get one of those today. šŸ’” Oyeah, maybe use the rolly luggage thingle.

Okay, itā€™s been like an hour and a half justā€¦ rambling another wall of crap. I hope somecritter can like, study allā€™ this or something. Maybe I can play a part in advancing Brokenology (scientific study of broken things).

Update 28th March, 04:50 CDT
Just booked the flight. Iā€™ve been looking at things, bus routes, shelters, apartments, hotels. Feels like Iā€™m kidding the hell out of myself thinking I can do this at all. I should just quit. Itā€™ll be harder if I leave. Iā€™ll get there and Iā€™ll have no one and nothing but a big bag of crap someoneā€™s going to want to take. I canā€™t do this. Why the fuck would I think I can do this? Itā€™s gonna be dozens of calls and days of wandering the city bleeding funds and maybe literally bleeding just to find out how fucked I am. Iā€™m not built for this hell-world. I can barely handle getting a Discord call from someone I like, how am I gonna survive creating a life from nothing in a new city when there are people whoā€™ve been there their whole lives, who arenā€™t as broken as I am, who still rely on shelters and soup kitchens? Iā€™ll just die a slow, cold death instead of a quick painless one I can have here.

Iā€™m sorry, I know no one wants this crap around. I just feel so damn lost, and like everythingā€™s set up so well to make sure I canā€™t possibly be okay, ever.

Canā€™t just buy a place to stay, even if I can afford it. Could get a hotel for like a week, then be totally fucked. Whoā€™s gonna hire me? Maybe somewhere truly horrific. And Iā€™ll struggle like hell to even apply. Why even try šŸ˜­ This is stupid, Iā€™m just throwing my idiot self at a ā€œnicer placeā€ like itā€™s gonna save me.

Managed to schedule a Lyft for Friday morning, to get me to the airport. I just feel really sick. Maybe Iā€™ll get a fascist driver whoā€™ll just shoot me and dump my corpse in the river. Probably a better fate than what Iā€™ll get trying to live a dream, like a total shithead. Ugh.

Nobodyā€™s even gonna show, Iā€™ll have to freaking scramble up an Uber, then when that falls through just go fuck myself trying to dream up a cab company thatā€™ll come out here. FML.

  • Lumelore (She/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    7 months ago

    I really wish I could help you out with a place to stay, but Iā€™m currently a broke college student. I do live in Minnesota so if you have any questions Iā€™d love to answer them.

    I also may be able to guide you a bit. I live in a more rural area but Iā€™m still somewhat familiar with the cities.

    • KeriKitty (They(/It))@pawb.socialOP
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      7 months ago

      Thankies. Maybe some day Iā€™ll cosplay a college student up there and we can share some free food šŸ˜…

      At least, I assume eating free food is still the favourite pastime of college students. Maybe itā€™s something else now <.<