Long story short: we have been meeting each other for a while for semi-professional reasons, around two years now, although we only got close in the recent months. We have a very strong group of friends thanks to which we interacted a lot recently.
A job-related difficult situation arose recently and we have been extremely supportive to each other. We talk for hours at night about what’s troubling us, we worry whenever one or the other is not in a good mood to extensive lengths. If she wakes up before me she always says good morning and ask me how’s things.
I always thought of her as “way out of my league”, and for this reason didn’t even approach the concept of a relationship until recently: she is very fit while I am on the softer side, and I don’t know what to think: she is extremely smart, intelligent, and would never reduce me down to my weight, but I do believe that looks play a part in all of this and honestly I believe myself as quite ugly. All of this didn’t deter me from getting extremely infatuated with her, up to the point where she’s all I can think about.
We’ll have some time next week to be just by ourselves; she hates to trouble others, but she agreed without much fuss to let me accompany her at an important meeting, adding she’d be delighted to have me there.
On one side we have this wonderful friendship, and I’d genuinely hate for it to crumble. We so often joke together and talk about important things and I worry, what if my feelings are exaggerated and they end up ruining everything? Should I just make them quiet down? Of course I am basing all of this on the concept of a sure rejection, but the chance for them not liking me in “that” way is so strong in my head that I am also quite paralyzed.
But then again, a few days ago she re-posted a messenger screenshot in which I appear with a colored heart next to my name, and my brain obviously yeehaw’ed right into over-analysis: wow! a heart!! But… is it colored because it is secondary, less important to the red one and thus indicating a strictly friendly relationship? Or maybe it’s a special color (it does have some meaning for us two, would rather not explain as that’d be too sensible of an information) and thus acquiring the opposite meaning? I guess I would have understood better if other close friends of her appeared in the screenshots, as to gauge whether or not they also had a heart next to their name, but that didn’t happen so I’m left with doubt.
Sorry for the rambly mess. Any suggestions and words about how to deal with this are more than welcome.
I think approaching this in a level-headed, communicative way is your best option. Steer clear of openly professing your love for them, just ask them if they’d be interested in going on a date. In your shoes, I’d also make it clear that I value their friendship, and if this isn’t something they’d be interested in the last thing you want to lose is a good friend. Feelings happen, handling them in mature way when they aren’t reciprocated is the key to not burning that bridge. No matter how bad a “no” might hypothetically feel, not knowing and living with that regret will always be worse. On your other notes about how you see yourself, I’ve been there too. Clothes that fit and a nice haircut can do wonders (not assuming you don’t do these things, just putting it here in case). All that aside, you clearly have a lot to offer as someone they enjoy talking to so frequently. Remember that when you ask, confidence can go a long way.
So I’m a millenial, so we may have generational texting ethics that don’t align. But:
If she wakes up before me she always says good morning and ask me how’s things.
If she is frequently texting you first thing in the morning, that’s a strong indicator of interest. Are there any hints of flirtation in the texts? Or do they stay on the topic of work?
You talk for hours at night, she goes back to talking to you first thing in the morning, she compliments your looks, puts hearts next to your name… I could just be kind of naive, I’m no expert on love at all, but to me those are all good signs she could be interested.
I’d say ask her out? See some movies together or something, meet each other outside of work, see how that goes. Just hanging out together for starters, I think that’ll tell you both all you need to know about how the other feels. No need to rush into romance and dramatic declarations of love, take your time and treasure the friendship first.
From the sound of it, if she does share your feelings the transition will happen all on its own. Don’t overthink things too much, at the end of the day if you two enjoy each other’s company, just spend more time together.
I’m seeing a lot of people saying take the chance.
At the same time I can’t help but think how disappointing it must be as a woman to not be able to have a platonic friendship with a guy without them thinking it’s something more or wanting it to be. Maybe she thinks you’re just a decent friend. If you take that shot there’s a good chance she’ll keep her distance in the future.
On the flip side I can’t help but think of all the stories of girls flirting with guys who are completely oblivious.
Not enough info to make a good determination, other than life is short and you’re young, you can afford to take a risk or two. Personally, I wouldn’t but that’s cause I’m a coward.
