TW: bottom dysphoria

I’m a trans woman and I’m having a lot of questions about my sex drive and I’ve been feeling very “broken” lately. I’m gonna explain what I mean below.

I’ve been on hrt a year and I’ve been on progesterone ~4 months now. I’ve been with my wife now for 5 years.

We didn’t have any issues with sex drive before hrt but when I was about 6 months into hrt my drive shriveled up completely. I then started progesterone and now I’ve got this flame burning inside of me. It takes very little to ignite and can be almost uncomfortable if it goes for too long.

But then when it comes to doing stuff it takes almost nothing to completely take me out of it and send me down a spiral. It could be a glimpse of my junk from the wrong angle, it’s slightly too cold, a weird moment where I felt gross, etc and it will just fully, completely take me out of it. Like the flame just instantly gets snuffed out. Sometimes I continue going to try and relight it but then the pressure of performing just makes everything worse.

Even when she tops it’s a problem, I’ll have a bad gut moment and just get upset about how much easier everything would be if I were born a cis woman or if I get bottom surgery.

Is this something other trans women deal with? My wife doesn’t put pressure on me in any kind of way, I just put it on myself and I don’t know what to do. After the most recent issue with this I just felt “broken” and I’m losing hope that I’ll ever truly enjoy sex again and that terrifies me.

    • SnowySkyes [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
      11·
      9 months ago

      I’m right there in that same boat with you, so I understand fully. I’m in my mid thirties. For me though, I don’t think I ever actually understood my body. I had a lot of trouble with sex prior to transitioning, so the troubles I have now are just a lot more forward. So it’s not affecting me nearly as much as it is you.

      That’s the funny thing though, isn’t it? We think we understand ourselves all these years, but then something happens and we’re just thrown for a loop. We come to even more self discovery and our entire perspective is put on its head. Though this might not be as earthshattering as your egg cracking, it still is a large hurdle that needs crossed. At the end of the day, try approaching your problem from a different angle. Instead of penetrative sex, try something different. For me, personally, I’ve moved on to just helping my partner. I don’t use my dick. I don’t reference it. I simply focus on pleasuring them and ensuring they have a good time. Do I miss out? Sure, most times, but that’s fine for me. Though I do occasionally have orgasms from just pleasuring her, which is wild to me.