• afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
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    11 months ago

    I have rage issues and I know why. Being angry is a pain killer, a source of temporary energy, a coping mechanism. Got the flu last year and felt like death, walking to my kitchen stubbed my toe, got furious, suddenly I don’t feel sick any more. I have become an addict to the rush of adrenaline I get from being angry.

    It has hurt my career, it has ruined friendships, relationships, and caused who knows how many self-inflicted wounds. By every measure I have an incredible life so yeah it is me, the universe clearly doesn’t owe me anything more.

    My big wakeup call was this summer when I was staying for a few days at a beach resort sitting on the balcony and just looking at the paradise of jungle+mountains+ocean and I am still mildly annoyed about a thing that happened at work a year ago.

    Therapy starts in January when my new better insurance plan kicks in.

    • dingus@lemmy.world
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      11 months ago

      Best of luck, friend. I’m also waiting for an insurance update in January to start therapy. I’m afraid of how long I’ll have to wait for an appointment as a new patient though. Haven’t made any prior arrangements because I need to be able to have insurance login details first.