Yet another reason I wear my Pride stuff is that I’m a generic looking cis white dude in a remote conservative state, so people assume I’m as bad as they are, and it keeps bigots from approaching me and confiding in me their most disturbing hot takes
I finally slapped a straight ally sticker on the back of my car. As a cis hetero male, I want LGBTQIA+ people in my community to know that they’re seen and that they’re safe and accepted where I’m at.
I don’t wear pride stuff because when I do people treat me differently and it’s heartbreaking.
I’ve had something I’ve been curious about, and I’m hoping an appropriate place to ask about.I’m a straight cis guy that grew up in a very conservative Christian house, and I’ve come a long way from who I was 10yrs ago. I’d consider myself an ally even though I don’t have any LGBTQ friends or acquaintances (not by choice, I just don’t get out much). I’d like a way to signal that I am a safe person, but am afraid of insulting people if I accidentally give the wrong vibe. I also dont want anything too overt to avoided the ire of my family. Im a big bald white guy with a beard, and I’m told I have resting angry face. I’ve noticed LGBTQ presenting folks that seem to get uncomfortable around me.
Is there a way I can signal that I’m a safe person without being too overt or sending the wrong message?
Yeah dude! It can help to watch queer things - maybe try Unhhhh, Ru Paul, or Queer Eye? Just to sort of…help you feel familiar with what you’re seeing and hearing. Being aware of queer ideas and spaces and vocab is probably the #1 thing here.
Otherwise, if something like rainbow pins and stickers are too overt, and ditto earrings or nail polish, you could consider just sort of…looking fashionable. Hair and skin, nice shoes, well fitted clothes, color and flair, all of that (at least to me) signifies “I didn’t vote for trump and I know what a French tuck is.” Obviously not a failsafe metric, but it can help.
It doesn’t take a lot to show you’re safe, most of the time. Another good option is, if the chance comes up w/o busting into other people’s spaces, put yourself out there a little or offer a complement or a supportive remark.
Okay last thing. To really be safe, and be an ally, you may need to confront members of your family who pose a threat/risk to queer people in public. Telling off your homophobic aunt is a GOOD way to show who you are.
Maybe I know too many “clean” homophobes
Maybe I’ve seen to many people with a lisp that are homophobes.
Maybe most of the time I see queer folk they aren’t all dolled up.
Maybe I work blue collar and the only personalization to my person while on the clock are my purple boot laces.But I don’t quite like the “gay people HAVE to look good” vibes I got from reading the first half.
Second half is good though. One of the people I used to work with let their kids painted their nails. So I did the same to make fun of people who complained that he did something nice for their kids.
I’m also not the biggest fan of introducing with pronouns. Time and place, I’ve done it before and certain contexts it is good to do. I don’t like getting limited by gender. I would rather people treat me for me. I’m a “man” so I must abuse my spouse and never wash my butt. Or I’m an enby so I must be a soft bottom.
I wear a pride band on my Apple Watch nearly every day, and I am cis/het. it, like the “you’re safe with me” button on the back of my wheelchair, are signifiers that I’m a safe person if someone needs it. Also, the watchband is f’ing gorgeous and hopefully helps normalize pride wear in my small, not progressive area. It pisses of my bigoted FIL also.
I know that some people might get mad a a cis/het man wearing pride stuff, and I get it, but hopefully I’m doing a net positive action. It, as well as sometimes painting my fingernails, and having a lavender phone case, help me fight back against my internal misogyny. My internal reaction of “that’s a girly thing and I’m a man, so I can’t do it” has already reduced a significant amount.
Im also not entirely sure my sexuality is as set in stone as I used to think. But I’m old and happily married, so it’s not like I’m going to explore that part of me, but if I was young and single with this newer view on life, I could definitely see my sexuality being more fluid than it was when I was searching for a life partner.
Hopefully that all makes sense and isn’t offensive. I’ve got 30+ years of bigotry fighting against 7ish years of being a decent human being. Sometimes I don’t get the idea across without sounding bad.
As a queer person–I can’t speak for every queer person, obviously–but personally, I’m all for cis het people repping the rainbow, especially when they’re doing it to signify they’re a safe space. Thanks for being cool ✌️
