I’m doing pretty good. One more week of work before a long overdue vacation. Also finally had a consultation for gender affirming surgery which I am so so excited about. Things looking good at the moment!

Having just a teensy bit of a nervous breakdown reevaluating my life choices the night before a job interview.

Gonna try to get to sleep, though.

Monday. Alarm goes off. Partner says to turn it off cause she set hers for later. She did not.

Cue panic mode.

Partner looks at clock. It is 8:22. Son needs to be at school in 8 minutes. There is a class trip.

We made it. School is across the street.

Came home. Sat on couch and wasted time on internet. At 9:30 my phone pings. Says I have a meeting at 10. I think, “that’s a mistake…I work this afternoon”.

I check the online schedule. I have meetings all morning from 10 to 1PM.

Cue panic. Shower and eating. Dressed. Run out the door. Exhausted. Hot. No coffee.

Phone dies as I sit down for the first meeting.

Not an awesome start. But, kinda fun in a way.

Olivia Chow just won the Toronto by-election, so my week is off to a good start :)

Also, Pride was over the weekend, and I got a new bike.

I partied too hard this last weekend because so many pride parties. I knew artists at 3 gigs and ended up running host/mgr duty for 2 (luckily one had host assigned because it was a bigger venue). I think I ended up at like 7 different parties plus the main parade, I kinda lost count lol. I’m not sick, but I can tell I’m probably gonna be soon. 11/10 worth it, fun fun weekend

built my first pc a couple days ago :) im really happy with it

Starting the fun task of looking for work. Have a few prospects but god i just wish i had another option. Still, im not at risk of being back homeless and i got some time to rest so i should be grateful. I just had hoped i would be more mentally healthy before i had to go back, you know?

My annual review morphed into a long meeting where the outcome was all involved realized the position wasn’t going to allow me any growth, and they can’t just create a higher-paying position for me (10 employees total), and they don’t really want automation because what they have requires no training.

On the plus side, no one’s really eager for me to go, so I have quite a bit of paid runway. I’d been thinking more over the weekend anyway about how I couldn’t honestly say I was enjoying my job anymore, and I guess I hadn’t been hiding that as well as I thought.

Now, all I need to do is find a new job while executing an even larger lifestyle change.

Pretty great actually! I just signed the offer letter for a new job and will turn in my notice at my current job later today. I’ve also been reconnecting with some old friends and was able connect some of them back with each other too. I stayed up a little late playing some games with them last night. It was great hearing everyone goofing around together again, it almost felt llike no time had passed at all

deleted by creator

I really was dreading work this week. There are a number of large things that are kind of just getting kicked down the road so it’s hard to truly disconnect on the weekends. I have a good plan and support network but it’s just a long road.

Sometimes in life, we have to just accept being uncomfortable and work through it. I have also found a new power in positive self-talk, combining this with meditation has given me some well needed moments of peace of mind.

Prayer circle for my car… hoping to get it back from the shop this week so I can go see my friends for Canada Day!

Turns out I might have either lupus (“it’s never lupus”, until it is) and/or Sjögren’s syndrome. Got a bunch of incredibly expensive blood tests done today (yay universal healthcare. Oh wait the conservatives effectively destroyed it so I have to use private healthcare and I’m uninsurable due to pre-existing conditions) and now I’m just waiting and experiencing nontrivial amounts of dread. Life was already barely worth living what with my existing health issues that already include autoimmune conditions, so this is just icing on the cake

Stressing out!! Waiting for my broken car to get fixed, which I can barely afford, and will be fixed… on the day I go in for top surgery… on the 5th of July. So much financial juggling and trying to do things while being scared of getting sick at all.

At least Beehaw is here to decompress with. _u

Had a lovely time at a Pride event on Saturday.

Then fell a bit poorly, to the extent my partner just pointed me at the bed and I passed out the previous two nights without raising any fuss.