We rightly warn each other about red flags, but what’s a green flag? There’s some things that really show someone is a good choice.
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This might sound weird, but taking no for an answer. Might wonder why I care if I already said no, but one of my partners I wasn’t into until I said “no” and they were like “alright” and didn’t bother me again, until months later when I asked them out instead. Something about knowing somebody has basic levels of respect has a way of changing my mind.
And a note for all guys reading this, that does not mean you should expect anything because you respected a no. If you’re expecting any reward, you did not, in fact, respect the no.Excellent point! I especially like the last sentence, you’re bang on the money
Treating service staff (servers, flight attendants, janitorial staff, etc.) with dignity and warmth.
Pets like them, particularly cats. I’ve heard the phrase “dogs are unconditional love, cats are a lesson in consent”.
The first time my cat met my husband, she made it abundantly clear. I was in grad school and living with my parents. One of my parents’ cats and my cat didn’t get along so she hung out in my room most of the time. My room faced the driveway so she could see when I got home. On this day, she came running from the room as new boyfriend and I walked in, ran right past me and went straight to him. I felt so snubbed! It was particularly notable since she had always hated any men that had come over at our old apartment prior to that.
I’m a cat person, so I immediately accept this as unconditional truth.
Emotional maturity and a commitment to self improvement.
Nobody’s gonna be a perfect partner from the get go. But some people will put in the work to resolve conflicts at their roots so that way your future is better
And on that note, secure attachment behaviors. Most people don’t have a secure attachment style naturally, but that’s ok, I don’t either (anxious married to avoidant) but my wife and I have received positive comments for the fact that we basically cbt ourselves towards a secure style. It turns out that that’s often enough.
being interested in what you have to say no matter what your saying.
Active listening and being a good communicator. After a lot of negative experiences, if I ever start noticing any of the “Four Horsemen” in an early stage of dating and they don’t see the problem, I’ve learned it’s best to just end things before you’re stuck in either an abusive relationship or one where you’re always viciously fighting. After the honeymoon phase ends, sometimes someone gets tired and respond poorly to things, which isn’t perfect but no relationship is perfect, but I think being consistently berated or stonewalled in a long-term relationship is a relationsip-ending red flag too.
My partner and I, after three years at least, communicate really effectively, I feel, where we start from a point of working together to solve a problem, and it’s such a breath of fresh air.
Oh that is a good link thanks
They don’t do more than their share of the talking, they’re not always bringing it back to what they want to talk about. Instead they’re genuinely interested in hearing you.
They’re consistent. Hot and cold or vague is bad, a consistent pattern is good. It indicates they’re reliable
They speak positively about their time in therapy.
Oooooh that’s a good one
They have a vagina
Their attractive (I’m usually blind to red flags otherwise)
Well nobody is a candidate for “partner” status for me if I don’t find something about them attractive. 🤣
