Sorry if this question was asked before, I couldn’t find convincing answers.
This is the part of the verse which says that (Sahih International translation)
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand.
Quran 4:34
The justifications I’ve seen for it:
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This is only applied to men with really terrible wives who are incredibly disobedient.
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The beating is done only as a last resort, if the first 2 stages fail.
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A companion says in a hadith that the beating/darb is done with a miswak and is only symbolic to remind the wife of her disobedience and no physical harm. Hence the translation has lightly in [brackets].
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The word “daraba” doesn’t actually mean beating but means to separate from them.
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The Prophet SAW never hit his wives so we also shouldn’t do it.
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Not something I’ve seen but a conclusion of mine: maybe men in 7th Century Arabia were extremely violent with their wives so this is actually considered a huge step up for them.
If this verse is the cause of many Muslim men beating their wives due to misinterpretation, why didn’t Allah SWT make it clearer for us to avoid all this harm?