All I do is talk about the situation, and it’s probably not gonna do anything for my mental health despite its recentness.

However, I need to say the last thing about this. To talk about how I’ve deduced that I clearly don’t add anything good to the world or the universe.

I’m alive for people like my few friends, my family, and boyfriend, but that’s kind of it.

I was alone for a good long while, and I’m (almost) alone again. A group of people took me in and accepted me for being different despite many people not wanting to be around me. Now these nice, accommodating people hate me just like everyone else did.

I will never be loved and it’s because my behaviors are different and I have no social skills. I will always be a terrible human being who deserves this.

I was friends with these people for years and they accepted me and cared about me when no one else did. Now, it hurts, because they like my friend a lot but don’t even care about me and act like (and say) I’m such a burden to them.

They talk behind my back to each other, they say rude things, they say stuff that’s not true. They say they don’t want me around and it’s all my fault.

One situation, I followed this girl Alice and her friend Beth around to talk to them. Alice said she hated me, and I didn’t know what I did wrong because her friends called me a creep and a stalker. They talked behind my back. Rather than tell me what I did wrong and tell me to not do that again, they said things like that.

But Alice forgave me, so I guess that doesn’t matter. My friends never actually liked or cared about me, they hated me but tolerated me.

However, my friends Alice and Belinda are also friends with a specific woman Charlotte, who I’m having problems with.

I don’t talk to Alice anymore. She talks behind others’ backs and is very rude but complains about having no friends and being bullied for years. Also, she used to like me, but I’m certain she despises me now.

Belinda is ehh… She convinced me I’ll never be liked because of my disability, but she was right in the end. I guess Belinda’s smart. When I don’t do something she wants, she said she’ll say rude things about me and tell everyone my personal life, then she’ll never speak to me again.

She doesn’t really like her best friend and my good friend Diana, but she pretends she does. In reality, she doesn’t really like anyone besides possibly Alice and a few others, but she doesn’t wanna look bad by being direct about it.

I’d say Diana and Ethan are the only people that actually understand my disability and care about me. Diana has probably talked behind my back about how annoying I am, but I guess I forgive her. Plus, she said everyone can be annoying at times.

Ethan himself has a disability so he understands and cares about me. I can’t talk to him about anything, though, because he’s very, very depressed due to facing harassment.

Diana, of course, is far from perfect, but everyone else is far from perfect too. Belinda sort of has narcissism or outright NPD, so maybe I should cut her some slack since she, too, is neurodivergent.

Back to my recent struggle with Charlotte. She absolutely despises me and thinks I’m scum of the earth. She’s stalked my social media profiles and such, and called me a creep and said I deserved bad things to happen to me. Apparently, this was because I walked up to her and interrupted in the middle of her conversation, which I get.

Because of this, I apologized, but she said she’d never forgive me, that I was just a stupid dog and a creep. She said that like a fly, she’s been trying to get rid of me but I won’t go away, and that she’d, like a fly, hit/kill me if she had to. I don’t get if this is figurative or literal, but I stay away from her now.

Charlotte is known as a fantastic woman, but Diana never saw that in her. Diana says Charlotte seems fake and cruel. Belinda defends Charlotte every step of the way and laughs at every single thing Charlotte says because she’s so great.

Charlotte is known to be very happy-go-lucky, intelligent, and kind, but evidently Diana and I see a very different side to her. To me, she’s sarcastic, cruel, and menacing, if that’s the right word.

She absolutely despises me. I suppose that’s my fault, even if I apologized and Diana also has similar problems.

I should probably accept that I did this all to myself and I will never be liked or accepted by those who know me best that aren’t my family. Maybe my boyfriend will even break up with me once he gets to know me and gets sick of me. I’m literally the friend no one likes, and I’ll just have to accept that I’m a problem, no matter how much I try to apologize for my past mistakes and not paying attention to social cues.

Hopefully, he will stay with me and we last years and even get married like we both hope 💓. If, or when, I move or somehow never see these people again, specifically Charlotte, who I cut contact with, I’ll heal and get a fresh start with my boyfriend.

Diana easily forgave me, though, and I think Belinda did, too, and I told them I’d work on it and not do it again. They did not react with hostility, but they’re also not Charlotte. Charlotte is also trying to control who I and Belinda and Diana talk to, which enraged Diana.

Belinda was quite chill about it, though, since she’s normally chill and doesn’t really like or care about me or Diana. She talks to us, though, because we’re her friends and she doesn’t despise us. Plus, we’re nice to her.

I’m just dumping all my thoughts. I’m not good for anyone, and all I do is hurt others. Ugh. I’m a burden and a mistake to Charlotte, to Belinda, and to her other friends. They’re normally nice, but they despise me, so I did this to myself. After all, people can be as bad as Charlotte in their treatment of others and still be a good person, I guess.

I’m clearly a bad person, since they normally accept others, no matter how badly they miss social cues. If the most accepting people think I’m a burden, then I must be. I’ll try to work on myself. Charlotte probably isn’t a bad person, I am.

I’m well aware, though, and will try to work on myself. I’m kind of upset, so please try to be comforting/reassuring and not like “Yeah, you suck.” I’m aware I suck.