ive always had that fear. or rather, ive always know that i am ultimately alone through various circumstances of my life and whatnot, not to mention that at the end of the day, yeah, youre supposed to be selfcaring and selfreliant enough to be comfortable with yourself or whatever but

anyways, this is just a ramble so it doesnt have much sense but, i had 50 and something bucks after finally managing to get some work here and there, but my family asked for money again, so i just gave them all of it in a fit, because im tired. its just the same. i never do anything to them; it doesnt matter i clean all the dishes, do two daily deliveries plus whatever other order they need to do, and whatever else they ask of me. it doesnt matter that they dont give me food, that i literally have no friends, that i have tried to kill myself in the past and they still insist on my depression being made up, that im just a lazy, abnormal person that doesnt get on with the program and get a job, and im just not cut out for it, man

im sick of it. im tired. and im just literally sick. fuck illegal immigration, neurodivergence, capitalism, gender dysphoria, gender roles, consumerism, and fuck not being given a. fucking choice before being put in this place i just want to die. and the best part is that it would even matter that much in the grand scheme of things, but i cant detach myself from my selfish point of view enough to shed the fear and just do it. just put a stop to it

its all so complicated and here i am just fucking whining. bemoaning to the internet because i literally have no one that will listen because everyone eventually is pushed away by some way or another i just dont know what to do. or how to do it. or i just dont know. and its not worth it. its definitely not worth it. and yet here i am