A couple of years ago, I started building a house. It was a huge project, and while I didnāt directly ask my friends for help, I quietly hoped some of them might offer. No one did, which was disappointing, but I didnāt confront anyone about it.
At the same time, I was planning a wedding with my wife last year. We invited my entire friend group (about 15 people) and had a great time (August 24). The last time we all saw each other was at a New Yearās gatheringābut since then, things have gone quiet.
Whatās happened now is that about 7 people from the original group have started doing more things together, but they donāt regularly invite the rest of us anymore. Iāve noticed Iām no longer naturally included. We havenāt had a falling out, but thereās been around 4 months of silence now, and I havenāt reached out eitherāpartly because it feels awkward after this long.
Since then, Iāve also changed my lifestyle a bit. I started going to the gym regularly and Iāve pulled back from drinking, which the group still does a lot of on weekends. So maybe Iāve distanced myself too, without fully realizing it.
Now I feel kind of alone. I have barely any social contact outside of two others from the group who also seem to be excluded. And honestly, itās been getting to me. At my age (early 30s), it feels hard to find new people to really connect with. I do say hi and chat a bit with regulars at the gym, but thatās as far as it goes. I wouldnāt feel comfortable just asking someone to go out to eat or hang out.
So Iām wondering:
Is this just a normal phase of life and friendship? Was I expecting too much back then? And is it worth trying to reach out again, or should I just accept the drift and try to build something new (somehow)?
Iād really appreciate any outside thoughts or similar experiencesā¦
It keeps getting me if I see posts from my friend group when they go on vacation or trips together and put it on their status. Even if I likely wouldnāt have time Iād think it would be cool if they would just ask if I wanted to join? But I donāt seem to fit in at all anymore.
Do you think building the house having some expectation of your friends being there might have put you in some underlying tone of negativity around some of them? Like having a grudge for a long time? I believe this is partially drift, and partially different interests.
I get that finding new friends arenāt easy in this age group. Friends kinda form out of nowhere when you put random humans together in a closed environment like school or work (or gym I suppose). There needs to be some reason to interact with each other, other than just being transactional