(i do post sometimes, especially since i like finding out potential reasons for why people do things)
i (at the time 16m) dated a girl a few years ago (at the time 15f) who claimed to completely lack empathy. she always talked about how terrible she was and how unlovable she was, and wondered why no one liked her.
when i wasn’t there 24/7, she’d abuse substances, harm herself, and the like. she reported hearing voices, had sleeping issues as well.
she also claims to feel no remorse and outright ghosted me after we broke up. we were friends and she suddenly ignored me when she was 16, i was 17 (female then) and right before we stopped talking i found out she was actually straight, not bi or lesbian, and she would send links to gore websites telling me that they were “funny”, “not that bad”, or that she “didn’t feel a thing”.
This reminds me of an online thing that I had going with someone that started in my late teens. Even the line about not having empathy was something that I remember, which I never bought. And talking about self harm, suicide, trouble distinguishing dreams from actual events etc. That was a wild ride. I eventually found out, when everything was crashing and burning, that a lot of stories and details of stories were made up too.
Funnily enough, after years of not talking, she’s probably one of my ‘best’ and longest running friends now lol. Someone that I can talk to about anything with (literally the only person I’ve ever discussed gender identity related shit with). I wasn’t born perfect either, and put her through just as much hell, so we’ve both seen and dealt with each other at our worst and lowest, which makes a good kind of shoulder to cry on if you can make it through the other side of that.
And in her case, it was part edginess and part mental health lol. Bipolar and being a teenager that wanted to fit in with the alternative scene and be dark and morbid and shit. Which I actually get to some extent too. When I was young I used to say that I’d be part of club 27 because I thought that a cool thing to say and imagine for myself. Until someone actually pointed out how fucked up it is to go around talking like that.
she blocked me :(
Update: I told my bf, he asked her why, it’s because we didn’t talk anymore. We are talking again!
Oh no I’m sorry to hear that :( And I’m guessing my story here nudged you to reach out, I’m sorry. And that’s really shitty. How long ago was it that you last spoke?
February or earlier for sure
For what it’s worth, I was also blocked at a time in my saga. And might have even been the blocker once. I don’t think it’s the healthiest kind of relationship to have with someone lol. Especially with strong feelings involved. All that I can say worked in my situation was time apart and maybe a change in mindset since then too.
But I mean, sometimes people just suck too and are just bullies or bigots. And it’s admirable that you’re worried about her mental state here when you could probably still do with some healing yourself too. If it’s eating you up, I used to find that the best escape from this sort of spiralling out is to lose myself in a complicated RPG.