How college campuses, not necessarily education, explain why men with degrees are more immune to far right radicalism on gender.

cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/19420914

Trying to understand why I had these opinions, I recalled how much different being a man felt at 18 versus 28. I had no money which I presumed meant I had no value to the opposite sex. I wanted the company of women and girls, but I also resented them because I lacked experience in dating and my few experiences were rocky. A lot of magazines and headlines focused on the shortcomings of men and boys in the early 2010s, and it was easy for me to get negatively polarized into thinking it was a personal attack. Academic feminism did and does a much better job explaining patriarchy better than blogs and news sites which boiled down systems of sexism to individual behaviors.

My experience as a resentful teen boy wasn’t unique. It’s the same experience that millions of boys are going through, which they’d ordinarily grow out of by the time they hit their twenties. In my case, it was happening during a period of social revolution on gender and during an evolution in mass communications. Many of these early communities on Atheism, which captured me for their sensibility and anti-orthodoxy, evolved into anti-progressivism and eventually evolved into the Redpill and Manosphere which is how millions of young boys today engage with their gender. At least my period in this mindset was short lived: about two years. By the time 2016 rolled around, I had clearly lost interest in online gender wars as tyranny seemed a greater threat. I was now 24 and actively attending college; I had plenty of friendships and dating experiences with women, and that teenage resentment was forgotten.

The big crisis we’re dealing with today is that the resentment is not only not expiring when men get into their twenties, but it’s being weaponized globally by parties against men’s material interests. What young boys like me didn’t realize when we were being lectured about patriarchy and the problems of men, is that being a man is an extremely privileged position over women, we’re just not old enough to benefit from it yet. This presents a problem on how we teach oppression and discrimination to young people who have little autonomy of their own and feel bad when you imply your immutable characteristics harm people you seek validation from.

  • MountingSuspicion@reddthat.com
    1·
    1 day ago

    I wasn’t intending to imply you said anything, but the author states “we’re just not old enough to benefit from it yet” and that in itself is emblematic of a big issue when it comes to patriarchy and any other power structures. It’s difficult for people to identify it, since it becomes so ingrained.

    Young boys benefit from it, but are also restricted by it, and there’s a lot of discussion about that too. Girls being told to “make me a sandwich” (or insert generationally relevant sexist remark) or being sexually harassed at school, and boys being told not to cry or that their interests are “gay” are both examples that I often see emphasized when talking to kids.

    I think the author overlooking how boys benefit is part of the problem. These early issues need to be acknowledged and discussed because they help build a foundation of solidarity. If young boys are taught to notice these inequalities early, then they will be more open and able to notice them later. It will also help humanize their classmates.

    I hate that all of these discussions inevitably lead to “dating”. This is not directed at you, just the issue in general. Girls are generally the ones engaging in selection, yes, but the fact that this is the issue is kind of the problem in itself. Boys are not owed a girlfriend and their self worth should not be tied to having one. If they have feelings of inadequacy, they will not be solved by getting into a romantic relationship. I feel like no one is talking about why these young boys are striving for romantic relationships to the point that they feel like failures without one. Society is telling boys that they need to value themselves based on their ability to obtain women. This is not a dating market issue. It’s a self esteem/self worth issue, and women are neither the cause nor the solution.

    “Touch grass” etc is not at its core bad advice, it just feels hostile and is more difficult than the alternative (doing nothing). Having IRL friends and engaging in activities locally is a great way to build confidence and self worth, but it’s not as fun to start as a video game. I don’t know how the partnership you’re suggesting would work, but I think therapy in general is good, and serves as a kind of alternative to building community, because you get a confidant that provides some pushback the way a normal and diverse friend group might. It’s a good option, but I think less alienation in general is always a good way to build a robust defense to bigotry.