My experience with dysphoria has always been subtle and unspecific. It took a very long time for me to recognize it.

In adulthood, it was little more than a slight inclination towards depression. Whenever I would notice it, it was far easier to attribute it to immediate circumstances.

When I felt it in winter, surely its just seasonal depression. When I felt it in summer, its just because I hate summer. During covid I was miserable because I couldn’t go anywhere, then afterwards I was miserable because I had to go places. This was all dysphoria, but nothing about it gave any indication it was about gender.

Also I had the emotional range of a thimble. (what is this metaphor?) I could feel empty, or angry, and little else.

I never liked how I looked in pictures avoided taking them, or appearing in them when possible. I guess I’m just ugly, that’s the most reasonable explanation.

It took me a very long time to realize I was trans, and even longer to be ready to accept it. It wasn’t until I started HRT and most of what I have described went away that I realized it was dysphoria.

I dislike the word dysphoria, because its such a strong word. For a long time I thought that my subtle and nonspecific feelings couldn’t possibly be enough to be dysphoria.

To anyone out there reading this because you’re uncertain if you’re feeling dysphoria: When a disorder is named after its symptoms it’s usually named at a very early stage of research, when researchers are only able to find the most obvious examples. This is why so many disorders have incredibly scary sounding names. Dysphoria can be that bad for some, but it can also be so subtle you don’t even realize you’re suffering.