Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
Some part of me wants to confide this information publicly, but I realize most people don’t exactly play ball and will usually try to take advantage of a situation like this. I would like to reference the many psychological experiments conducted in the past concerning and ascertaining the actuality of human nature. For example, take Bobo the clown. Give someone an inch, they take a mile. While this statement doesn’t apply to everyone, I’ve personally met very many people in this life where it doesn’t seem they have my best intentions at heart. The good news? I have moved past that stage in my life and currently seeking relationships that can further my growth. I have been smoking nic for almost 2 decades and well, it’s been very damaging. Started with cigarettes and entering college was when e-cigs were becoming popular, and I tried to “quit” nic using this method only to be swallowed whole into the fruity ecosystem that has irreparably damaged my lungs. I can literally feel my breaths are shallower when I’m doing heavy cardio compared to when I was much younger.
After reading your story, and relating to it, I feel sadness but hope. Because this is the very situation some of us find ourselves in. Wrestling with the constant pain. Seething and boiling over with emotions and being so hyperaware that we are doing these things to ourselves at the end of it all. No one made this bed but us, and we now have to sleep in it. But the greatest news is that we can wake up after the rest, and realize we can change our surroundings, our behavior, our outlook. Mindset can be chiseled into something sharper and clearer, until we have a distinct image of how we wish our future selves to be.
How did you manage to forgive others first? I find that if I’m drowning, I need to learn how to swim before I become a lifeguard to help others. Yes, there’s always work to be done and thats the beauty of life. There is no rest stop where we are on right now and thats completely fine, as we are fueled by our drive to complete our personal missions and I love that for us.
I lay in bed, reading your last statement, made me shed a few tears. So many years ago, I cringe at the idea of expressing myself in such a candid manner, but now I see and feel the effects of being open to these interventions with myself and others with similar situations. I can see how the world is a much brighter place when your mindset is in the right place. It doesn’t take away from some of the evil that inhabits some pockets here and there but I can learn to ignore the noise and go by the beat of my own drum. Hello my sibling, I hope life is treating you well too. Please remember that our journey is a short one so lets make the best of it while we have the chance to.
Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s a moment I feel, with you and it’s more treasured because it’s shared, not greedily, stingily hoarded.
How did I forgive others first? I’m not sure, but I believe it was because
It seems like releasing those grudges against others was the key that unlocked the door to self-forgiveness. Before then, I considered it sheer nastiness, no rhyme or reason. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. That’s not the point. I saw how in certain situations how I could think, speak, behave, or want to do, if it looked, sounded, came across a type of way. I think at some point, I realized my tendency to judge others was based on what’s in my heart, whether acted on or repressed, and I think there’s possibly some hairbreadth between repression and suppression, but I’ll have to ponder that last bit. And it just smacked me in the face after a few months wrestling with it, with God, with the universe, with myself that I so hated and resented it because it’s in me..
So instead of running from God, my demons, addictions, anger, grief pain, resentment, my *self, ** I
tannedteamed up and started working with them. Conventionally religious people try to tell us we’re running from God. No. We’re running from ourselves but we’re always wherever, whenever, whomever we run to. So we may as well be someone we can live with, because as long as we live, the only person we have to live with is ourselves. Old people, places, things, activities, distractions will try to seduce us again. External validation is a dual-edged sword, great for exhorting us to be our best selves, tempting us to give into the worst us we hide from ourselves and others, when those sources are justifying their own cleverly hidden not-great shadows, to feel better about them. Aweirdword of encouragement, dear soul - when we really admire and long for an admirable quality in another --it’s usually hidden way, deep down in the shadow, too, at least the seed.I read back over some of your posts itt. If you care to share, what is your spirituality? You can share here, in DM, or not at all, as you prefer, I’m good either way. Encouraged and richer for this conversation. I probably won’t see your reply until tomorrow, but I’ve not forgotten you. I doubt I ever will, regardless of how long we share our internet path.
It’s like driving or biking. Keep your eyes on a spot too long and the vehicle easily ends up there, in a ditch or woods, you know?
Helphello dear sibling! Life is lifing! We are in theworksworld, but our kingdoms are within us. Which means life is so good. All the time. We just forget during conflict, challenges. And that’s just mental, spiritual, emotional exercise. Free workout 💪.If we stumble, if we fall, we get back up and start again. That’s all. It’s never too late!
Yes it is, and yes, we can and we shall. I’m so honored to share this portion of the journey with you. Thank you so, so much.
Edited, because my device loves jumping back to the beginning of what I write, keeping anything below the KB from the field of vision.