Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
I used to be the same There’s a dumb book but it really helped me with that problem. It’s called ‘how to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie. There free copies of it every and even audiobook on YouTube. It can’t hurt
I’ve read that book three times growing up at different ages. I still feel that I would have to essentially “mask” or fake my personality in order to truly be a “good” friend or be seen by most. I find that I automatically trend towards negativity and destruction in my life, but I realize I can change the trajectory of that at any given moment. That moment was a few days ago.
I used to feel the same fucking way. It still exhausts me and gives me anxiety to talk to people. Idk I still cancel on my friend’s more often than not and sometimes go over a year without talking to them. I think what’s important to understand is your not alone for feelings like this nor is it unatural. But the ‘mask’ makes it easier to be kind and friendly and people like that. The mask is a protection, it will come off with time, by then I’m sure most people would be excited to talk to your charterbox self.
Idk how burt your bridges are but your old friends certainly still think about you and wonder how you are. If they are good people and you showed them you’re trying to change, I hope some may be willing to welcome you back like the prodigal son.
That’s sort of how it started with my path. I was constantly being spammed with invites to outings, or messages about checking up on each other etc, just friendly things. I decided it was all too overwhelming and didn’t want to maintain those relationships due to being overwhelmed by it all at once. I am now paying the price. At least for the time being.
That’s reassuring, thank you stranger. It’s difficult for me to put into words how awful it feels to fake myself around others but I rather just be my authentic self and in doing so, I will attract the right crowd soon enough.
It’s funny you mention that, because I called all of them, and left a message on voicemail. It’s been a full day since that happened. No response. Not sure if I’m blocked but hey, I tried. I’m unsure if I should reach out again, but I respect myself too much and realize that the world is filled with other friends-to-be