• damn, reminds me of this guy I learned about in school.

    Virginia senator/planter. massive hard-on for southern secession. when South Carolina made it’s move, he rode all the way to Fort Sumter so he could fire a cannonball at the Union: the first shot of the Civil War… at the age of 67.

    when General Lee signed the surrender, upon hearing the news, he wrote a note about how much he hated the “vile Yankee race”, wrapped himself in the Confederate flag, put his rifle in his mouth, and used a stick to push the trigger. it misfired so he reloaded and did it again, successfully this time before his alerted family could rush upstairs to stop him.

    truly, one of american history’s most committed and uncompromising assholes.

    • GrouchyGrouse [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      4 days ago

      It’s so funny that God gave him a second chance but he was too racist to take it.

      “I actually really like brimstone.” Trips over his shattered head into hell for being a racist slaver dipshit. Lmao.

        • we had that on VHS tape when i was a kid, out of like maybe 7 tapes, so it hit the rotation a lot.

          i have watched that conversation at least 50 times, the combo of existential horror but like “what a douche” at the same time killed me as a little kid.

          Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.
          105 years old, he hung in there, didn’t he?
          He didn’t die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.
          Ouch.
          Guess he wasn’t too popular at the end, huh?
          No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.
          Wasn’t he also Vigo the Butch?
          And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were:
          “Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I’ll be back.”

          whenever some conversation about burial shit comes up, i say out of nowhere, deadpan that i want “death is but a door…” line written on my memorial stone or whatever to see if anyone catches it. nobody ever does and i sound like a crazy person.