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Starlet [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net to chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 3 months ago

Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com

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  • cross-posted to:
  • theonion@sh.itjust.works
  • theonion@midwest.social
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Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All

theonion.com

Starlet [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net to chapotraphouse@hexbear.netEnglish · 3 months ago
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18
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  • cross-posted to:
  • theonion@sh.itjust.works
  • theonion@midwest.social
ARLINGTON, VA—In a high-level alert that revealed a geo-political rival of the United States could soon become the first nation capable of wielding the most powerful force in the universe, the Pentagon warned Friday that China was actively developing love, the greatest weapon of all. The alert, issued to the American public and top U.S. […]
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  • MouthyHooker [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    Ok but they’re actually kind of doing this. 🥺 I’m starting to suspect that Xiaohongshu is the simplest, greatest psy-op of our time. Just get the Americans on the platform, be really nice to us and boom we’re China-pilled.

    • reverendz@lemmygrad.ml
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      3 months ago

      It’s working. We’re so used to dealing with a55h0les online that it’s like an oasis.

      I’ve been on there daily the last couple weeks.

      • SkingradGuard [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        3 months ago

        That’s what actual good moderation does, and so-called ebil commie “censorship”

    • GarfieldOfficial [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      3 months ago

      I already was China-pilled before xhs, but you’re 100% correct. My interactions on it have been sharing pictures of our cats with people around the world who have cats with similar colors, and realizing a shared love of “harlequin ducks” with people from countries all throughout its migratory footprint. It’s like the internet I’m used to but without the toxicity clouding everything lol.

  • AernaLingus [any]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    China is believed to have put similar resources into its far more successful program, with surveillance reports indicating that by 2030 the nation will have obtained an emotion that can create a profound sense of oneness with the universe.

    China confirmed to be working on the Human Instrumentality Project. Please, President Xi, the American people yearn for the Tang.

    • IHave69XiBucks@lemmygrad.ml
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      3 months ago

      They already have an emo bisexual boy now all they need is a weirdly calm and super powered gay boy to complete the process! We need to go to DEFCON 1!

  • Collatz_problem [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    strangelove-wow MR. PRESIDENT, WE MUST NOT ALLOW A LOVE GAP!

    • blobjim [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      3 months ago

      The US response would be to open a bunch of brothels.

      • blight [he/him]@hexbear.net
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        3 months ago

        didn’t/don’t they actually do this near military bases?

        • GrouchyGrouse [he/him]@hexbear.net
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          3 months ago

          I think that’s happened near every military base or camp since forever

          So probably yes

      • Collatz_problem [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        3 months ago

        The modern sequel to “Band of Brothers”.

  • Guamer [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    I bring you love!

    • KimJongFun [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      3 months ago

      Don’t let it get away! Break its legs!

      • picklemeister [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        3 months ago

        if nothing else the first half of the Simpsons run captured amerikkka mob mentality so well

  • refolde [she/her, any]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    Second only to Friendship, which China is also developing.

  • Mardoniush [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    3 months ago

    “This concept of “Wuv” confuses, and infuriates us!”

    • ReadMoreBooks@lemmy.zipBanned from community
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      3 months ago

      Humans are so primitive. My wife could take over this planet with one tentacle tied behind her back!

    • milicent_bystandr@lemm.ee
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      3 months ago

      That’s because you’re all modern in your ad hoc relationships. “Mawwige,” as we all know, “is what bwings us togever.”

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